Freak Doctors

ALARM BEEPS

MAN SIGHS

RADIO SWITCHES ON

Mm, there isn't enough time.

Don't!

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

We can still cuddle.

SHE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

-You all right?

-Yeah.

Ah, Mrs Tembe, welcome back!

-Thank you.

-Mrs Tembe.

Mrs Hollins. I heard about your accident.

How are you coping?

Well, it hasn't been the easiest of thing to deal with, I will be the first to admit.

It is an undisplaced proximal fifth metatarsal fracture.

Could take months to heal cos I've got very bad circulation in that part of my foot.

Well, if there's anything we can do to make you feel comfortable, please do not hesitate to ask.

I'm sure she won't.

Thank you, Mrs Tembe. That's very kind.

So, your first holiday with JJ. How was it?

The thing I love about first holidays with

boyfriends is you are in each other's pockets, like sardines.

So was it make or break, Mrs Tembe?

Er... Oh, Dr Clay.

-Mrs Tembe. How was your holiday?

-Yes, it was wonderful, thank you.

I wanted to talk to you about the current building work.

They're on schedule, aren't they?

Yes, yes. They were here at eight o'clock on the dot.

OK. Well, look, I'll meet you in there in five minutes and I'll fill you in.

I'll put the kettle on.

MACHINERY WHIRS

Come on, Alfie. Just a bit more toast.

Please?

Now look what you've done!

-What's going on?

-He's just thrown his toast onto the floor.

It's OK, it's all right. There's no need to shout.

I didn't shout. I was being firm.

You don't like that much jam, do you?

Hey! You haven't finished your breakfast.

I've got work to do.

SHE SIGHS

SHE KISSES HIS HEAD

I've got to be honest - even if my boob didn't hurt,

I wouldn't really be up for it.

I've lost it in that department. I really have.

You've had a kid.

Four years ago.

You could fake it. I'm serious. Lots of women do.

Until you get your mojo back.

I don't want to fake it.

Ignore them.

-Freak!

-What was that?

-Leave it.

-No way!

The only freak round here is Serena Docherty.

She doesn't let her husband see her without any make-up on, let alone naked!

No, hang on. Do you know what? I couldn't give a damn what you think about me.

I'm doing what's best for my child

because that's what makes you a good parent, a grown-up!

Perhaps it's time you all remembered that.

If he hasn't got an alibi, bring him in.

In fact, just bring him in anyway.

And if he's in the White Bear, make sure there's someone round the back

-cos he's prone to doing a runner out the toilet window.

-Yes, Sarge.

Ayesha, hello.

I'd like to report a missing person. It's Karl.

It looks really sore.

Has it flared up like this before?

Yeah, but it's never been this bad.

And when was the last time exactly?

I can't really remember,

not since he was a new-born, and he's four now, so a long time ago.

Hang on.

Are you breast-feeding a four-year-old?

Yes.

Wow.

Is there a problem?

No, no problem, just...why?

This is the one place I didn't expect to be judged.

-I'm not judging.

-Clearly, you are!

Valerie, can you send this to St Phil's, please?

-Right you are.

-OK. Poppy?

Ruhma! What are you doing here?

I work here and St Phil's.

Well...great. It's good to see you.

How's the baby?

He's hardly a baby any more, so everyone keeps telling me.

Is everything OK?

What was he wearing, the last time saw him?

Jeans and a T-shirt.

-Colour?

-Green tee, black jeans.

Does he have any tattoos or distinguishing marks?

No.

Do you think he's got any enemies or does he owe money to anyone?

No.

Do you think he might have contacted any of his army mates?

-No.

-How do you know?

Because I phoned them all. Look, I'm not an idiot.

I've looked everywhere. That's why I'm here.

OK.

Dr Haskey shouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable.

It's fine.

He's meant to keep his views to himself.

I overreacted, what with the other mothers at Alfie's nursery getting to me as well.

How do you mean?

They ignore me, whisper behind my back,

call me names.

Because you're breast-feeding?

Yeah. I gave them a piece of my mind this morning.

-Good for you.

-Well, it's not going to change anything, though, is it?

Maybe I could handle it all better if me and Duncan were on the same page.

Have you tried talking to him?

It's all we ever talk about. Not about the mothers.

He doesn't know about them.

Poppy, you should report it.

What can anyone do?

If they don't want to talk to me, they don't have to.

It'll probably all blow over anyway, once they find something else to gossip about.

-You know what it's like.

-Yeah, I do.

I'd better go.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

Thanks, Ruhma. It's really good to see a friendly face.

What was Karl's behaviour like, the last time you had contact with him?

How do you mean?

Well, was he acting out of character?

Well, yeah, I suppose. He's been a bit down.

A bit down?

-Yeah.

-Depressed?

He's been unwell.

Right.

Is he on any medication?

No.

Is he on any other kind of drugs?

-No.

-It could be helpful.

Yeah, look, he's not Bren, OK?

Sorry.

I'm a crap sister.

I didn't even know he was missing until yesterday.

I thought he was with Debs.

Rob, I really need your help.

I don't know what else to do.

I'm not going to lie to you, Ayesha,

but we can't launch a full-scale search due to Karl's age.

He's not considered vulnerable.

But what I can do is make sure there is a full missing person's report on his file.

But in the meantime, have you thought about going to look for him?

What?

A lot of servicemen - unfortunately, they end up on the street.

But be careful, eh?

Hey.

Poppy Singher.

No idea.

You saw her this morning. Mastitis.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah. The mother of the kid who's going to have

real dependency issues when he gets into adulthood, going to spend a lot

of time in therapy, and Poppy's going to end up paying for it all.

-I can't believe that you've just said that!

-Why not?

It's completely and utterly true, isn't it?

There's no proof that extending breast-feeding is psychologically damaging, Al.

Come off it!

That kid is going to have conflicting memories when it comes to the...

when it comes to the mammaries.

What, memories of being comforted?

Of being mollycoddled.

Actually, evidence suggests that woman that do breast-feed children

for longer - those children grow up to be more independent and confident.

You say confident and independent, I say loner weirdos.

Rubbish! OK...

It's not like this woman is whipping it out at the school gates for all and sundry, OK?

It is a private thing and you... you shouldn't have commented on it.

I didn't comment. I was just a bit surprised and curious.

It's not a crime to breast-feed an older child.

How old we talking here - 12? 14? 32?

I don't think a kid should be breast-feeding past the age that they can spell the word "milk".

That woman is being bullied by other mums for breast-feeding,

and your biased bedside manner - that's just compounded the problem.

All right, fine. I'll give her a call.

To apologise.

To apologise.

Some men sexualise the breasts so much that they project

their own fantasies and insecurities on women that do breast-feed.

Maybe you should think about exactly how you feel on that subject.

BELL RINGS

What is all this noise?

What...?

Toilet break. Sorry, no-one was around.

What, you really can't go on your own?

Well, it's the door.

I keep imagining it swinging back and breaking my nose.

Well...a bell is a very inventive solution.

I will only use it for emergencies. I would prefer to be self-reliant.

Of course you would.

Which is why I have been looking into this.

A knee scooter?

Yeah. I could do all my own fetching and carrying.

Still not sure about toilet breaks, though.

Beats being summoned by a bell.

Well, I will look into it.

Karen, is there some tension between you and Mrs Tembe?

She's really off with me at the minute.

-Why?

-Can't say.

-Can't even hint?

-No, sorry. Rob would kill me.

Ooh.

BELL RINGS

Sorry, I still need to go. Actually, I'm quite desperate.

So where did get all that info on Serena Docherty?

I have my sources. She goes to my gym.

I overheard some of them talking about her in the changing room.

Don't they have anything better to do?

They're bored housewives.

I still don't get how they found out about me breast-feeding.

Maybe Duncan told one of them.

Or Alfie could have said something to his friends.

Listen, Poppy, you're doing what's best for your child.

You have to remember that.

Hm.

You've got a missed call.

Oh, thanks.

It's Dr Haskey.

What does he want?

I just... I went for a check-up.

I got my funding.

Another two years of dossing, then?

Still jealous you didn't get on the course?

I'd better go do what grown-ups do.

-Playing at it, you mean?

-HE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

-So funny.

-Yeah.

I'll see you later.

See ya.

Do you want me to talk to him?

I don't know.

Poppy, you need to get back to the doctors.

Are you ready?

Can I please get the pumpkin risotto and some chips on the side, please?

-No problem.

-And I will have the superfood salad, please.

-Of course.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Some of us haven't got the metabolism of a 17-year-old.

You're joking? You look fantastic, as always.

You've got that contented glow about you.

Wish I was as loved-up as you and Heston.

Ooh! Do you want to see a photo?

No, I want to meet him.

Yeah, well, you can any time.

-Then why haven't I?

-Because you are always busy.

I am not.

OK, how about family dinner one night?

How is Alia? Does she still want to be a doctor?

Yeah, yeah. She's completely on track.

So...Friday?

I have a date.

Mm?

Actually, I can cancel it.

No, don't cancel your hot date for us!

Hot?

He's probably going to have bad breath and wandering hands

and continuously talk about his mother.

Ew! Is dating that bad?

Ruhma, it's torture.

There's no way she's going to see that neanderthal!

-Dr Haskey's not a neanderthal.

-It's all right, Martha.

No, it's not all right. You need to see someone open-minded.

Well, all I can suggest is you go to the campus surgery.

They've got a drop-in there. You might have to wait.

-Can you pick up Alfie?

-I'm staying with you.

-OK. I'm going to call Duncan.

-Yeah.

Hi, it's me. Can you pick up Alfie from nursery later?

Nothing, it's just a routine doctor's appointment. Yeah.

They made a mistake last time. Anyway, can you do it?

OK, thanks.

Come on, let's go to the other surgery.

No, we're staying here. You're right.

-No-one's going to bully me.

-OK.

So we're in this restaurant

and it's our second date, and he's telling me how much he likes me

and how much he wants me to meet his mother. Yeah, red flag or what?

And I'm telling him to slow down, you know, we're just getting to know

each other, when his wife turns up, accusing him of having an affair

with a string of women and that I'm welcome to him.

-No!

-Yeah.

She said she's going to go and stay at her sister's, and his kids are in the foyer.

So what did he say?

-He started crying.

-What?

Right there, in the restaurant. He begs me to help him.

Says what he needs is someone to take care of him,

and that I fit the bill because I'm so together.

So what did you say?

I got the hell out of there and spent the night with a complete hotty.

He's married, but he doesn't care.

Don Draper - that's my booty call.

SHE CHUCKLES

So the bleeding's just part of the infection?

Um, in some cases. It should clear up with the antibiotics.

In the meantime, keep up with your feeding.

-Really?

-Yeah.

It'll help clear the blockage.

Listen, um...

I... I am genuinely sorry about before.

My poor tact is the last thing you need

on top of everything that's going on at the nursery.

So I'm sorry.

Ruhma told you?

Yeah, I think it's bang out of order.

It's fine. I can handle it.

I can't do this any more.

Hey, come on. Come on. You can't let the bullies get the better of you.

Or listen to fools like me.

It's not that. It's my husband.

He just doesn't get it.

It's... It's killing our marriage, if it hasn't already.

-The breast-feeding?

-Yeah.

Have you tried explaining to him why you're still doing it?

He thinks I'm mollycoddling him. I'm not.

Alfie asks for it. I never offer.

He usually... He wants it when he's upset and he's been upset

a lot lately, probably because of me and Duncan.

It makes him feel better and I feel better because I'm giving him what he needs.

It wasn't easy to have Alfie. He's going to be our only one.

I just... I feel like, when we're together, I'm keeping him safe,

protecting him. It feels right,

for him and for me.

And when it isn't right, then we'll stop.

That's what you tell him.

What?

Exactly what you just said to me.

He wouldn't get it.

Why not?

I did.

It is the most ridiculous place to work.

You love it.

It's all right. I'm sorry.

I've just been going on.

It's fine.

So how are you? How is work?

-Yeah, really good.

-Good.

I have way too much work than I can handle.

That's great.

Yeah, but it's the same type of work.

I really want to diversify,

so I've been talking to a couple of the local practices

about the possibilities of having an on-site psychiatrist.

That is a very good idea.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Because I'd like to ask you a favour.

Go on.

Could you get me an in with your practice manager?

I really want to pitch to her.

This isn't why I've asked to see you.

And you've just spent the last 20 minutes going on about how great the Mill is,

even if it is a bit crazy.

I'd be a fool not to try, right?

-And I'd finally get a chance to meet Heston.

-Uh-uh.

Hi, is Poppy Singher here?

Duncan? She's still in with the doctor.

Her nipple was bleeding.

-I knew something was wrong.

-I know.

Isn't that a sign she should stop?

You know what she's like.

I can't do this any more.

She just doesn't listen to me.

She doesn't...

She doesn't appreciate you.

Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding?

It's just an infection.

So now you're going to stop, right?

Dr Haskey said I should carry on.

I don't believe you.

You see what I mean?

What have you been saying to her?

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

Paperwork's finished. I'm going to leave now.

Yes, of course. And I...

I hope you find your brother soon.

Thanks.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Mrs Tembe, have you got a second?

Yes, yes, of course.

BELL RINGS

Is that a bell?

It is Miss Pitman's.

Do not worry, Mrs Hollins will deal with her.

OK, I'll be very quick.

I was wondering how you and the partners felt about the Mill

having an in-house psychiatrist?

Actually, the partners and I have been discussing the possibilities.

Great, so you'd be up for meeting a very talented and very experienced

psychiatrist who could help you make a decision?

Look, I know it sounds bizarre, and she is in a lot of pain,

but if she can keep breast-feeding, it will help with the healing process.

She should have told me how bad it was.

Maybe she was embarrassed.

Well, Martha should have told me, then.

Martha? That's Poppy's mate?

Martha's more my mate.

We did our Masters together.

She's been helping me talk to Poppy about this breast-feeding thing.

She thinks Poppy's taken it too far.

-Martha does?

-Yeah.

She's had a hard time getting through to Poppy.

No-one can.

Right.

She's just changed so much.

Maybe we're just not suited.

She doesn't get me any more.

But Martha does?

I want my wife back.

She still is your wife. She has valid reasons.

-If you could just listen to her...

-I have listened to her!

I listen to her all the time, telling me how Alfie needs it,

but that doesn't mean I have to like it, does it?

Because I don't.

I don't like that they're always together and they have their thing

and I'm not involved and shouldered away or kicked out

of the bed and made to sleep on the couch.

I feel bloody left out!

There you go. That's what you tell her.

So I was telling Megan all about you -

how amazing you are with the kids and how great you are in the kitchen.

She's really looking forward to tasting your culinary delights.

Oh, well, let's hope I live up to her expectations.

Of course you will.

Has anyone seen my bell?

Ooh, no, sorry. I haven't.

What's it look like?

Silver, it's about that big.

Looks like a bell.

No, can't say I have. I will keep my eye open.

I reckon one of the patients must have nicked it.

What would a patient want with a bell?

Well, it does look quite expensive.

Oh, give it a couple of days.

I'm sure it'll turn up.

-My mum left me that bell.

-Oh!

What's all this about a bell?

Haven't you heard it?

It sounds awful.

Which is why Karen has hidden it.

I haven't hidden it.

Seriously?

It was doing everybody's head in.

Well, if it's a family heirloom, you really ought to give it back,

otherwise you're nothing more than a common thief.

-Common thief!

-Common thief? That's a little bit harsh, isn't it?

Well, technically, it is theft.

Fess up, Karen Hollins!

THEY GIGGLE

Mrs Hollins is not going to say because she has got it all wrong!

And if you must know,

JJ has been questioned about his involvement in a recent spate of

cashpoint robberies and, yes, he does have a previous conviction,

but that does not mean he is guilty of this crime.

And I did expect better from you!

SHE CLEARS THROAT

We were talking about Valerie's bell. It's disappeared.

I'm sorry. I...

Actually, um, Heston and I were wondering if you and JJ

would like to come over for a meal one day next week?

We are dying to hear all about your holiday.

Er...yes. Yes, that is very kind.

Excuse me.

Dinner?

Yes!

Should I hide the silver?

Where have you been?

Around.

Poppy...

Whatever you decide, I'm still going to breast-feed.

Whatever you or those bullies think.

What bullies?

The other mothers at nursery. I wasn't going to tell you. Martha said you'd only use it against me.

-What?

-But it doesn't matter any more. I don't care.

Well, I don't care either.

Right.

I don't care about the breast-feeding. Not really.

You leave me out.

You're jealous?

I feel stupid and rotten.

It's how I feel.

Neither of you need me.

Of course we need you.

I need you.

I used to be really jealous of you and Martha.

I thought maybe you should have been with her

because you two have a thing.

-We don't have a thing.

-You do.

We've become friends. She's not a threat.

She's been my rock, actually.

I just feel like the only time you want to be with me is for sex.

Because I don't get to be with you in any other way.

I don't know.

I just didn't think it'd be this hard.

No, neither did I.

I just want to start again.

You know, there's going to be a time when he'll want to do boy stuff

with you and I'll be left out.

You won't. I'll teach you how to skateboard.

-SHE CHUCKLES

-I think I'll sit that one out!

PHONE RINGS

-Martha.

-Give it here.

I'm your rock.

Excuse me, have you seen this bloke?

SIREN WAILS IN THE DISTANCE

DOG BARKS

Thank you.

SIREN WAILS

DOG BARKS

-Excuse me.

-What?

He's the reason I was suspended.

I've got no time for hugs and hand-holding.

There is always time for hugs.

-That's what nurses are for.

-Whoa there!

-Don't you walk away from me, Adam!

-Look, I don't know you.

You said you loved me! This is your baby!

You could have been sleeping with her

the same time as your other mistress!

Are you kidding? I'm a doctor. I barely have time for one affair!