Syed faces a hard choice when his daughter Yasmin visits the Square for the first time, and Kat is horrified when an unwelcome visitor returns, threatening to expose her secret.
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ALFIE: 'Listen, sweetheart.
'I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier on, you know.
'Well, I was just a bit...
'You looked absolutely stunning in your dress. And, um...
'Well, have a good time and I'll see you later. I love you, bye.'
It's companionship, yes.
But it's also... I don't know, a feeling I get when I'm around him.
Hello, sweetheart, what can I get you?
-Glass of white wine, please.
-Do you know what I mean, Alfie?
-Yes, course I do. Oh, Kat, lovely.
Jean was just... Can't wait to tell you about her zing.
Is that what they're calling it these days? Why the shirt?
Well, it's my favourite shirt, innit?
-And the hat?
-Kat, it's in case it gets cold.
-Oi! Not in front of the punters!
-I knew it! Boiled sweets.
You're going football.
-Kat, listen. It's just that Anthony got us tickets.
-How do I run this place on my own on a Saturday?
-You know... Kim said she'd help out.
-Did she rubbish.
-Shall we talk about your tab?
-Ready whenever you need me.
Oh, Kat, please, come on.
Me and Anthony ain't been since Tony Cottee was there. You'll manage.
All right, fair enough.
-Glass of white wine?
-Did someone drop this?
Thank you. Kat was saying how happy she is for you and Norman. Yes, mate?
Right, mate, we'll have 14 pints of lager and a yard of ale.
Fell asleep in the cinema the other night.
Just crossing the border, they were, in the film.
Into Switzerland, I think.
Anyway, I turn round and Norman is sound asleep.
-14 pints of lager and a yard of ale. It's a pub crawl for Rabbit.
Yeah, scrum-half, Rabbit. Birthday boy, somewhere.
It's because we're so relaxed in each other's company.
And I was wondering that maybe it might be time
that we think about living together. Here.
-Do we even have a yard?
-Yeah, in the barrel store.
-It feels right, don't you think?
-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
-Whatever makes you happy, Jean.
Give us ten minutes. Just to talk, OK?
Yeah, I understand that.
-It's important for Syed.
-And Christian. Yes.
-Are you serious?
-I haven't seen Amira in ages.
-She's not four!
-OK. Here she is.
-Oh, it is! Come on, come on.
A welcoming party!
-Let me get that.
-How are you?
-I'm very well. It's good to see you.
-Stop torturing yourself.
-I just want to see my daughter.
And you will, all right?
He'll call when he's ready.
Now you can help me with this.
What, fitness magazines and Dance Anthems CDs?
Yeah, just pop them in the cupboard, will you?
Christian, are you de-gaying our flat?
Look, Sy, it can't hurt for Amira to think of this place
-as somewhere that Yasmin can stay.
-I don't believe this.
-We have to be clever about this.
-You're saying we're ashamed of who we are.
That I should hide it from my daughter who I haven't even met yet!
Do I really look like the sort of person that's ashamed of who I am?
What's the most important thing here?
You and me.
Happy driving, mate. Have a great weekend!
-You sold it?
-Always Be Closing.
-Listen, do you fancy a drink?
What, on a roll like this? I could sell half a dozen in the next 20 minutes!
-Oi, go on, off you go.
That thing's been sitting there for weeks. You've earned it.
-I'll look after the place.
-Wicked! Well, let's do this.
But I've got to go home and get changed.
And I was telling them about our zing, and you falling asleep in the cinema.
-The Switzerland bit.
-Well, they think it's a great idea.
Just think of all the extra time we'll have together.
Sorry. How's that?
We'll be living together. Here. Oh!
-30 Geordies on that Spanish stag do?
-They loved you.
-All them offers I got, could have run away with 30 different blokes.
To Newcastle? Off you go then, pet.
No, seriously, Kat. Had it been yesterday, I'd have deserved it.
-No, seriously, sweetheart. Seriously.
Fair's fair. I was a pillock. Right, come on, fellas!
Hi, sweetheart. Scotch, when you're ready.
What are you... Get out!
That's quick, even for you.
-So what will it be, boss?
-No, it's fine.
-Said I'd help, I'm helping.
-Scotch and dry, please, darling.
-Ooh, a gentleman.
-Alfie, do you think you'll still make the game?
-Go on then, off you go.
-What about all the...
What a woman. How lucky am I, eh? CHEERING
Got a free pass to the Hammers! Come on, you Irons!
-Alfie, could I have a word?
-Yeah, make it quick, Norman.
-I'm in here.
How did it go with the accountant?
Um... I thought I'd swerve it. I...
..went up Bond Street instead.
-This is for you,
for being so adorable.
It's a scarf.
I can see that.
Well, I don't mind if you want to change it.
Wasn't cheap, though.
Well, we're not doing anything right now, are we?
I just thought maybe we could have a little bit of afternoon delight.
-What, you thought a scarf'd do the trick?
-I thought you might like it.
Well, and the other as well, hopefully.
It's just that it's been a while and we haven't, and...
well, bloke's got needs, hasn't he?
Take it back.
-Take it back.
Can I get a bottle of champs, please?
Are you going to pour it all over my body?
-SHE SQUEALS HAPPILY
-Ooh, the bubbles!
-We ain't got any.
-What, you playing with my life?
Do you know where you are?
All right. I'll have a look.
Listen, when you got a Too Legit To Quit gangsta up in your ends, yeah,
you got to keep that shizzle frizzle dizzle gizzle on ice, get me?!
-Hold on. Look, look.
-Is it French?
Don't know where that come from.
-What, chill for 20 minutes, call it 30 quid?
You want it or not? Hmm?
Is she worth it?
-Trust me, I don't want to move in.
-But she thinks you do?
-Norman, she's got her hopes up.
-All right, all right, just leave it with me.
-We need new bedding.
-There's nothing wrong with it!
-There's no need to get aggressive.
-I'm not being...
Sorry, I'm not being aggressive.
Just something more neutral.
-I'm going to go over.
-Your dad's not rung yet. Just be patient.
Just to talk to her. She's not totally unreasonable.
-This is the funnest baby in the world!
-Careful with the bouncing. SHE CRIES LOUDLY
Ahh, come to me. Come to me. Come on. Let Dhada-ji clean you up.
Come on. Thank you.
-Put that there.
-Such a homely girl, Afia.
Uh, well, didn't go as smoothly as yours.
Look how that turned out.
She's an absolute angel.
Just seeing you with her.
Seeing her little Shabnam nose.
Makes me a bit...
I heard things have been difficult.
You know, sometimes I think about before the wedding.
Me and Syed, you and Zainab,
everyone excited together. SHE SIGHS
I wish I could go back there. It was the happiest time of my life.
Well, Syed's very excited about her.
Well, we all are. But Syed in particular.
You know, he'd make a terrific father.
-Except he's gay.
And you approve of that?
Well, she is Syed's daughter. They should have some contact.
-They? This is about them now?
-Yes, both. Of course.
Even though you don't approve of their relationship?
Christian is part of Syed's life now.
-You know it's wrong. And unnatural.
-I didn't say that.
You are on my side though, aren't you?
Deep down, you know the best way of doing things
-is Mum, Dad, and baby.
-Amira, I didn't say that.
Would you let them raise Kamil? KNOCKING ON DOOR
I'll get it.
Syed. She's awesome, she's amazing. She looks just like Shabnam.
Oh, it's baby vomit.
-He was bouncing her.
Come on, clean up.
-Come on through, guys.
Amira. How are you?
Your dad and I were just having a chat.
-About how important it is for Yasmin to spend time with her dad.
-That's what I want.
Good. But not him.
-I explained, Syed.
-Amira, you can't just...
-He agrees with me.
He thinks having your boyfriend involved
in Yasmin's life is just wrong.
-I didn't say that!
-Come on Sy, let's go.
-You can leave whenever you like.
You can't stop me seeing her. I've spoken to a solicitor. And we've got rights.
I'd never stand in the way.
I just hope we're not abroad by the time it gets sorted out.
-You expect my grandparents to travel here at their age?!
-Oh, come on, Amira.
-You can't take her away.
Just for a visit. You know what families are like.
Once they've got her there, they won't want to let her go.
-You're a piece of work!
-Or you can come in and see her now. On your own.
YASMIN GRIZZLES Oh, there she is.
She'd love it if her dad came to hold her. Calm her down.
It's you and me.
You'll hear from our solicitor.
-Mum knows best.
-Yeah, I know what Kat said, sweetheart.
But what with the kids and Mo...
There's just not enough space, babe.
-Hey, come on. You all right?
Yes? Good girl.
Anthony! Course I'm on my way, mate.
Just got to... Yeah, no, definitely.
Oi! What are you still doing here?
Sorry, had to troubleshoot a human resources issue.
Just getting me coat. I'm on my way, mate. Come on, you Hammers!
It doesn't have to be here, does it?
-Little one-bedroom would do us.
-Or a two-bed.
I mean, Bradley was always saying you can't move for two-beds in Walford.
Jean, I don't think I can move in with you.
Oh, it doesn't have to be now. When the time is right.
I don't think the time will ever be right, Jean.
-Look at you.
You are a wonderful, vibrant, beautiful young woman.
And I'm a weathered, unreliable old rogue.
I think you're lovely.
You're too good for me, Jean.
Anyone can see that.
Best I could hope for is to be your friend.
Just friends, then?
I think it's for the best, Jean.
Yeah, and then Shelly, now Shelly is three, comes up to me at playgroup and says "Whitney"
I went, "Yeah?"
She goes, "I can't really do it today, I feel really fragile".
Fragile, how cute is that?
How clever are they, eh?
I know, probably got it off her mum or the telly or something.
So, you're doing really good?
Yeah, I'm doing all right.
No, you are, I can see it, man.
I bet they love you.
-Are you good?
-Yeah, yeah. How them Dodgers going?
-What you talking about?
-Wears the hat, don't even follow baseball.
Oh, I see. You want a drink?
Oh, yeah, I'll have one of these delicious little fruity numbers you're having.
-You like them too?
-All right, cool. Same again?
You all right, Whit?
-You got your hair down.
-No, it's nice.
-I like it like that.
You wearing it?
Only if you want to.
Yeah, I do want to.
Yeah, so that was a pint and some orange thing...
Hey, hey, be nice, will ya?
-Wouldn't want anything to slip to your hubby, would we?
-Hubby's gone, mate. You're fresh out of leverage.
-Here, where do I know him from?
Tuesday I was out in Shoreditch, and this guy goosed me on the dance floor. Yeah, that's him.
You don't know him.
It's you, innit? R&Rs, yeah.
He was proper giving you the eye.
-So what, you and him?
-Kim, will you shut up just for five minutes?
Listen, don't take it out on me, you know, cos you've got a hangover.
Might give it a crack, myself.
-What makes you think that?
-Just something in the way you walk.
I've been trying to figure it out for ages.
You were a soldier, yeah?
-I was a copper.
-So you can handle yourself, then.
-I mean, Physically.
-I do all right, darling.
-I'll leave you to it.
-You all right, Ian?
What was that all about?
None of your business.
I thought we could go for a drive or something.
What, nice family car, flask of tea, little tartan rug for me legs?
Actually I got us a nice bottle of wine. 20 quid, this cost.
-Painting my nails.
-You did them earlier!
Colour didn't work out. Maybe another time, eh?
She takes Yasmin to Pakistan, we might as well just give up.
You think things are hard for us here? Over there we might as well not exist. And Dad...
In 20 minutes he goes from, "Syed and Christian are good people"
to, "You're right, we should burn them alive".
I think we should go brown.
-Sorry, what are you talking about?
-The walls. Get rid of that paper.
I don't care about the walls! Amira might be taking my daughter to Pakistan.
-All you care about is the paintjob.
-You think that's it, Sy?
You think with all this going on that's what I care about,
the colour of the walls? Are you an idiot?
This is our home! The only concrete thing
we have, and I will not let her use that, or our lifestyle against us.
-She wouldn't do that.
Look, Sy, I saw you.
When that baby cried out, it was like you were being physically pulled into that house.
You've got this look about you.
-She's my daughter.
And it's a look you never had
when we were trying to adopt.
I'm worried if it comes down to a choice between Yasmin and me...
-Well, if it does...
You and me.
These are Premier League approved.
-Even that West Ham one, yeah?
-Champions next season.
-Go on then.
-Anthony will panic if you're late.
Here, Kat, Mark here right...
I believe he's going to buy some of my genuine approved merchandise.
-Sadly, he's a Spurs fan, but a sale's a sale, all right.
-Hope you go down next season, an' all.
Listen to him! We will be champions of Europe before you know it.
Oh, listen, I forgot my phone, I better go and get it.
I'm cutting it a bit fine, but I'll catch you later. See you later. Bye.
-Hadn't gone after all.
-He's my husband.
Did he know where you was last night?
You think you can come in here, into my pub, and blackmail me?
Who said anything about blackmail?
-I'm enjoying a quiet drink.
-And it's your last.
Here we go, another scotch and dry. Large.
On the house. Don't say we don't look after you.
Don't even like baseball and you go around with that hat.
-Yeah, I thought we'd covered that, man.
-Well, look, no,
I put on an Orient shirt because I love Orient.
But it's not the same thing.
What is the stickers about?
Yes! The stickers! Ain't you meant to take them...
-Eh, easy, bruv, all right? Look, do you want another pint?
-Mate, I've hardly started this one.
-I got twice as much in here.
-(MIMICS) I got twice as much in here.
I might just kick out, anyway.
-You are so getting out-drunk by a girl.
-Woah. What about them drinks?
Yeah, sorry, guys, man. Got to chase a few leads and that.
Always be closing, you know me.
I'll be back in a minute.
-You all right?
-We're supposed to be mates, yeah?
Well, I'm there, buying her drinks and her hair's all down and that and you know, I think I'm in there.
But no. Tyler Moon swoons in and does it again.
Look, it's not like that, all right?
-We ain't even done anything yet. I was going to tell you soon as.
You going to be all right with it?
Yeah, bruv. all good.
Cos if you're not, I'll end it.
-You don't want to do that.
-Course I don't. You know her.
But I will.
Gangster! Champagne's ready.
You know what, Kimberley?
Give it to my brother here, all right. Enjoy, bruv.
Anthony! Yes, I can see the ground from here.
I'm practically 30 seconds away, so...
I'll call you back.
You all right?
Yes, thanks, Alfie. Fine.
All fine here.
Listen, I'm really sorry about the Norman thing, all right? We just don't have the room.
-Oh, it's not Norman. Norman's fine. We're going to be friends.
I take my tablets, every day.
I talk with the doctor to keep the levels right, so I don't veer up and down like I used to.
But that's better, yeah?
Course it is. Much better.
It's so much better that I think I've got it under control.
But I haven't, Alfie. I think I have,
I think that me and Norman have got something special...
-Yeah, that's it. Zing!
I think we've got zing.
Wrong again, Jean.
Thought you were so clever, didn't you, Jean?
Thought you were doing so well without Stacey. Without Sean.
But you're not.
You're just walking through a fog you didn't even know was there.
Come here. Come on.
-I have to fight just to get through every day, Alfie.
-I know. I know.
And still I lose.
I still get it wrong.
Oi, oi, oi. Come on, it's all right.
It's all right.
Do you fancy an ice cream?
Yeah? Come on.
Come on, don't be like that.
You was a mistake. A tiny, tiny mistake.
I want you to pack up and go home. If I see you near here again...
What you going to do, eh?
This gentleman here would like to join you on a pub crawl.
All right, let's take him with us.
Your problem is you've forgotten where you are.
This is the Queen Victoria public house,
and I make the rules, and you're gone, sweetheart.
You have a nice day!
-I've been thinking. What are you like with numbers?
-I was a times-tables champion at school.
Fantastic. See, right, I am looking for a bookkeeper for the Vic.
Kat can't count past her fingers and Mo, well, she's just a thief.
So, you interested?
Yes, I can tell by the smile! Of course you are.
Hey, Mr Hotrod! What's all this then?
Man's entitled to an upgrade, ain't he?
Listen, my heart belongs to the black beauty over there but this...
-Changed your mind about a drive, have you?
Yes! Oh, yes!
Right, you'll be needing that then. What do you think, Branning?
What's that, Meat Loaf?
-You're so sneaky.
-I do all right, darling.
Drive safely. Look how fast it goes. He's a nutter!
-Who was that?
-If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Come on, lick?
-No, it's too cold for it.
-The best ones always are.
Nan's on her way back with Tommy and Shenice. She's got the trots.
-Here, come on.
Two favourite girls. Let's enjoy this moment, eh? Yeah?
I told you, babe, if we're going out, I need a little kip.
All right, I'll leave you to it.
Hey, you know that bedding? It's fine.
-Well, we can change it if you want to.
-You know, you're a good man.
Got a wife and a kid,
and you put me first.
And I love you for it.
I love you too.
We'll get there eventually.
-Pop in anytime.
-Thank you. Bye, everyone!
Not quite the day I imagined.
-York Way, near King's Cross, please.
Can I hold her?
Oh, she's... She's...
We made her, Syed.
You and me.
Hello, Queen Vic?
I thought I told you to leave me alone.
-Where've you been?!
-Close your eyes.
-Close your eyes, no peeking.
-What have you done?
Never you mind. Keep them closed. I'll tell you when. Not yet.
What do you reckon?
It's a summer dress.
Where we're going, it is summer.
Alfie, what have you done?
Apparently, in Funchal, it was 76 degrees yesterday.
So I kind of call that summer.
Tomorrow, we fly out from Luton airport. Bring it on!
-Now this is a size ten. I don't think it'll fit me.
Give me two minutes, all right?
-Right, come on!
Don't answer it. It's telesales. They've been driving me nuts all morning.
Nah, it'll be all right.
You're through to the Queen Victoria, number one pub in London.
If you'd like a pint of bitter, press one.
If you'd like to ogle our barmaids, press two.
Or if you'd like a punch-up, just press three. Beep!
Right, Sheila, get the dress on now, before I get angry. Come on!
-You're not going to the solicitor's now are you?
-I told you.
But I've got a client at the gym in 20 minutes.
I can hardly change the appointment.
-All right. Tell me all about it when you get home, yeah?
Oh, Ian, that is so you!
This, right, is called, repairing the damage.
-Gordon Baggs invited me for a game. I could hardly say no.
-I thought you'd been chucked out of that W...
-CCT, yeah. I have been chucked out.
But hopefully, by the end of this morning, I'll have been chucked back in.
-Can I come?
-No. You don't play golf.
Yeah, and I don't suppose that stops YOU.
I will be back by lunchtime.
OK. Well, don't go getting any more speeding tickets.
Is that meant to be funny?
Can I take the car for a spin when you get back?
Mandy, no, you can't! I've told you before, you're not insured, OK.
It's against the law.
Can't we break the law?
-Have you got any idea how much that car's worth?
And that's what would make it so exciting.
Oh, come on, Ian. Don't you ever want to do something a little bit reckless?
Break the rules? Go over to the dark side?
Yeah, you've got a game of golf, love.
Um, I'm going to make myself a bacon sandwich, all right?
Make sure you clear up afterwards, yeah?
And I'm going to eat it all by myself.
Very, very, very slowly.
Oi! Clear off!
Ain't a car like this more hassle than it's worth?
I can see how it... might pull the birds.
This car is not about pulling the birds.
This car is about the engineering. It's about knowing if you're in a tight spot,
you can put your foot down, 0-60, eight seconds.
That is what this car is about.
Right. Nothing to do with showing off?
I don't need to show off.
# It's the final countdown... #
Look who it is!
Oh, look what he's got!
Mrs Moon, it says here that Winston Churchill used to love going on holiday to Madeira
to concentrate on his paintings.
I heard he was a dab hand at skirting boards.
Ha-ha! But what I was thinking, right...
It's a bit, um, it's a bit small, isn't it?
Never in the field of human crumpet...
-..has so much been squeezed
into so little!
-Come on, I know you want me!
You want Mr Churchill! Yes, you do!
Come on, we've got the place to ourselves, haven't we?
Shenice is at school, little Tommy's out shopping with Jean
and Mo's probably doing some dodgy deal with Fat Elvis. Come on, it's just me and you!
# I know you want me I know you want me... #
Don't worry about that. Come on, let's go! Get up them stairs!
Why didn't you tell me you'd had a baby?
Um, let me think.
Oh, I remember.
We just got married and you ran off with a man.
-She's so peaceful.
-Try saying that at 4am when she's woken up for the 15th time.
-Have you seen the bags under my eyes?
-I look terrible.
-You look OK to me.
I feel like a bag lady.
You haven't changed.
Have you told Christian you're seeing me?
Seems like you haven't changed much either.
Is this full fat?
I asked for a skinny latte.
What's so funny?
It's good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
So, why haven't you told him? Or can I guess?
-He thinks I'm seeing a solicitor.
-Look, don't freak out, it won't come to that, but...
-You know, it would be good.
If Christian and I could have her to stay. Maybe one afternoon a week.
Nuh-huh. There is no way I am letting that man anywhere my baby.
-It's not like she'll come to any harm.
Oh, come on, what did you expect?
I mean, it's not like you can't see her from time to time, like this.
BABY WAILS Oh! What's wrong? What's wrong?
-Are you getting hungry?
-(Hey. Hey, come here.)
Would you mind just holding her for a sec while I get some food?
(Come on, Yas.)
(That's a girl.)
(Come on, baby.)
It was a bit like being propositioned by Minnie Mouse.
Jean came on to you?
It was a very strange conversation. Left me worried.
What? That you'd turn around and find you'd accidentally trodden on her?
So, tell me, what is the Jean Slater seduction technique?
She skipped that and went straight onto the "why don't we live together?" bit.
You know she's completely nuts.
What are you saying? She has to be, wanting to live with me?
No, really. She's got a condition.
It's not the condition that's the problem. Let's face it,
we all have our moments.
So what, then?
Well, let me put it this way, Pat - she hasn't got what you've got.
Norman, are you never going to stop asking?
-Are you never going to stop saying no?
Remember Frank's first rule of salesmanship?
"No" is the first step on the road to "yes".
And finally, Whitney.
"Like all Sagittarians, you have a tendency to worry too much.
"As though you're standing on the end of a springboard,
"frightened to take the plunge.
"But just for once, put your worries to one side.
"Come on in. The water's lovely."
-No need to guess what you two will be up to this afternoon.
Right. Time to go make some money.
I'll see you later.
Yeah, see you later.
Right, what've I said?
-I just wish you wouldn't say things like that.
-Just don't, all right.
You're saying you two haven't...?
Lauren, I don't want to talk about it, OK.
Right. Is this cos of the whole...Rob thing?
Why, when I say I don't want to talk about it, d'you just carry on?
Hey, hey, ladies. What's with the handbags?
I've got to go to work.
Right. Well, she just went for me.
She's hung up on the whole Tyler thing
-and cos of what happened last spring.
-Come on, you know what I mean?
Tyler's gorgeous. I wouldn't think twice.
Right. What have I said now?
Why do you always go for the ones you can't have?
# Let's all sing like the birdies sing
# Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet
# Let's all sing like the birdies sing
# Sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet
# Let's all warble like nightingales
# Give your throat a treat
# Take your time from the birds now you all know your words
# Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet... #
Am I late?
No, we just started early. Actually, it's good you're here.
I think you know Roxy, don't you?
-I think she might be a little bit shy.
Could you go and have a word? Try and make her feel a bit more at home?
Yeah. All right?
All right. Just been sent over here?
-No? Looked like it.
You kind of do look a bit all on your own.
Ah. It's called "on purpose", Whitney.
-Come on, join in, it's fun.
-Can I ask you a question?
Do you really want to do this for a living?
Yeah, that's the plan.
So you'd be here, like, everyday?
Yeah. Five days a week.
-Cos I like kids.
Whitney? What's all this about you and Tyler Moon?
'After 50 years of living together,
'can you agree on which item will bring the biggest profit?'
SMOKE ALARMS BEEPS
Oh! Come on!
-It's the smoke alarm. I can't turn it off.
Listen, Fats, I'm not doing anything today.
-So, if you're feeling a bit,
I dunno, about the whole Whitney thing,
maybe we could hang out if you like.
-As friends, I mean.
Better than us both being alone and feeling miserable, isn't it?
-Hold tight. So what you telling me? You pity me now?
You know what, Lauren, I got work, yeah. Maybe tomorrow or something.
-We'll fix something up, then, yeah?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah...
You weren't pushing the button hard enough.
Really? Not like me.
Well, I'm a weak and helpless woman
that just needs a big, strong man to come and rescue me.
Since when has Ian Beale been big and strong?
I wasn't talking about Ian. Fancy a coffee?
SYED MIMICS AEROPLANE DRONE
Sorry to break up the party, but we really should be heading back.
Dad'll be wondering where I am.
How's it been? Living with him?
Oh. Dad's OK. I could do without the wagging tongues, though.
You know, the looks. The whispers.
"Couldn't keep a husband, poor girl. She turned him gay," you know.
I can't get over how lovely she is.
-D'you want me to take a picture?
Listen, I've been doing some sums, working out how much I can afford.
-No need. Dad looks after us.
-I want to help.
It's just I don't have many friends.
You know, real friends.
It's good to have someone to talk to.
Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of the three of us?
-The three of us?
-I want to be in it too.
So, are we going to do this again?
Only I don't want to lie.
So I've decided.
I'm going to tell Christian.
The minute I get back.
He won't like it, but it's better he hears now than later on.
I'm not going to change my mind about him seeing her.
I'll sort it.
I've never really been one to join in the club, you know what I mean?
That's not so uncommon.
You know that we run a single parents' support group on Wednesdays?
No, no, no, I don't need a single parents' support group. Cheers.
Right. What, then?
It's just when I see all these women and their perfect smiles
and their perfect children
and their little birds that go "tweet, tweet, tweet"
something inside of me just wants to scream.
Does that make me such a bad person?
No. I know that being a parent can sometimes be...
No. It's not your fault. Don't take it personally, OK.
Don't take it personally, but when I come here
it is literally like aliens have landed, they've taken over
and nobody knows about it but me.
Amy! Shall we get you a big, fat lolly?
We're going to stick you in front of the telly for the rest of the day.
Ian Beale is so transparent.
He gets himself sort of gold-digging bimbo for a girlfriend
and the next thing, he's got a ridiculous sports car
-parked outside his house.
-You're hardly one to talk.
Of course, I'm sorry, I'm forgetting.
You're the loyal, devoted mother and wife these days, aren't you?
Ah, Mrs Moon, if you'd care to come upstairs,
where lunch is now being served.
We have beans a la Moon, poached in their own rich tomato sauce,
and drizzled over slightly buttered pain grille.
That's medium toast to you, darling.
-What's the matter? I thought we were having a real nice day.
I'm just a bit premenstrual.
I'll be all right in a minute.
OK. Is there something you're not telling me?
Just that I love you.
I don't tell you enough, do I?
-Beans are going to get cold.
You got the heating on in the bedroom?
-When I need your advice, I'll ask for it.
-Have you tidied the bathroom?
-Why would I do that?
-Do you want her to think you're a total slob?
-Just do it.
Hmm... Well, er, most important thing.
Will you stop fussing? It's not like I've not done this before.
Why you so nervous, then?
This has got to go right.
Too many false starts.
I want it to be perfect.
Look, just relax, yeah? Be yourself.
Tell me everything when I get back, all right? Have fun. Enjoy it!
Nah, I better go.
You're a right barrel of laughs, you, ain't ya?
Well, I've just been to see my wife. In prison.
So that might have something to do with it.
How'd it go?
Yeah, not too good. Seeing as she wouldn't even see me, so...
Come on, stay for another. See if I can't find you some biccies.
Why do you want me here, anyway?
The look on Ian's face, I guess.
See you later.
Listen, I am sorry about your wife. Come here.
MUSIC BLARES FROM IAN'S CAR
Do you really think that is the kind of thing to impress a girl?
Pat, this is about me. OK? It's got nothing to do with Mandy.
I've wanted one of these for ages.
What would your mum say if she was still with us?
I think she'd be proud. She'd be impressed.
If it makes me happy, what is wrong with that?
If you go round, sit behind the wheel, see how it fits, bruv.
TV SWITCHES ON
FRONT DOOR OPENS
Hi, sweetheart. How'd you get on?
-What was he doing here?
-You know what I'm talking about.
How was golf? Did you win?
What the hell was he doing here?!
I'm not going to talk to you if you use that tone of voice with me.
-I asked you a question!
-SWITCHES TV OFF
Yeah, go on.
I like it when you get all fierce.
And if you wasn't such a shrimp, I'd almost find it sexy.
Well, come on! Say something!
What is stopping you?!
All this stuff starts flying out my mouth
and I'm like, "Did I really just say that?!" I can't go back there!
I think it's hilarious.
Please don't, Christian, don't! I'm going to be one of those bad mums that you read about.
She's going to grow up resenting me, I'm going to resent her back,
and then when she's pregnant or in borstal, they're going to say it was my fault.
I tell you what. Instead of going home and getting fed up and bored,
why don't I take my two favourite ladies for a little bit of fun?
You are so sweet.
-You know Ian's taken up with this Mandy?
-Yeah. What about it?
Strange girl, ain't she?
If the smoke alarm hadn't gone off, he'd have never even been here.
Why would I even look at another man when you've been so good to me?
The mess in the kitchen!
You haven't even told me about the golf.
I lost on purpose.
So are they going to invite you back?
Is Ian going to be a respectable member of the WCCT again?
Why do you do it, Mandy?
Is this all deliberate?
Do you get some sort of weird kick out of winding me up? Is that it?
I'm just trying to be friendly here.
If you want to be friends,
how about clearing that mess up before I get downstairs?
-Where are you going?
-To get changed.
Not out of your sweater, surely?
Not when you look so irresistible.
-You all right?
-You all right, Fats? You got the time?
-Yeah. 1.20pm, bruv.
-Fingers crossed, then.
What's that about?
My brother and his bird.
Let's hope he gets it right this time.
What you doing?
Just making it...romantic.
What sort of music do you like?
# I want to get with you
# I see you in the club You showing thugs love
# I want to get with you... #
So... "Come on in. The water's lovely."
That's why I bought this.
No, I'd rather not.
-Come on, it'll loosen you up.
-I don't need loosening up.
I think you do. I think we both do.
I'll get a couple of glasses.
Why do you want to get me bladdered?
-I never said I did.
-Well, what's with the vodka?
Like I say, just to relax us a bit.
What have I done?
It's not you.
I thought we liked each other. Or have I got that wrong?
So what's the problem?
Please don't touch me.
What am I supposed to have done?
Is it the music?
SWITCHES MUSIC OFF
-Do you want the curtains open?
-I need to go home.
Is it cos you think someone's going to come in?
-I really don't want to do this any more.
I can do what I want, all right!
Would you rather go upstairs?
Is it cos it reminds ya?
Sorry? Of what?
It's not like I'm a punter. I respect you.
It looks like it.
I think you're fantastic and if you'd rather do this another time...
I'm sorry, I don't need to hear this.
Whitney, please. I didn't mean anything by it.
Just go away! I don't want to be anywhere near you any more.
Come on, Uncle Christian. Oh! He did it!
Uncle Christian's so clever!
-Look who's home!
-All right, Syed, want to join in?
Yeah, in a minute, maybe.
So, come on, then.
-How was the solicitor?
Come on, let's try another one. See if I can do it. Ready?
For the inspection of my lord and master.
Now get yourself upstairs.
-Mandy, it's not like I don't realise what you're up to.
And what am I up to exactly?
Get upstairs. Get undressed.
-What do you think I am?
-Mandy, I know what you are.
-You want to know what I think about your damned car?
Everybody! Outside now! You do not want to miss this.
Mandy, please! Stop it!
Mandy, please don't do this! This is ridiculous!
Come on, look, I'm sorry!
-All right, all right.
-Mandy, for goodness sake!
Come on Mandy, please just stop it. No!
It's not my car. Yeah, I rented it.
Well, in that case...
Mandy, come on, don't you think you've done enough?!
No, Mandy please, no!
That...that was fantastic.
-Girls! What are you doing? Come on!
-Alfie, you got to watch this.
-It's so funny.
-Kat. We got packing to do. Come on.
Only take a minute. Watch.
-Where d'you get this from, then?
-Liam sent it to us.
Wait till you see Ian's face.
That's brilliant. Right, come on, packing to do.
Shenice, come on, chop chop. Move. Don't be pulling faces, come on. Run.
Up the stairs now. Keep going. Go, go, go!
IAN BEALE VIDEO PLAYS
Did Oscar get off to nursery all right?
-Yeah. Mum, come have a look at this.
-No, I can't, darling.
-I need you to do me a favour.
Yeah, I've got a rep coming in today.
Only Gaynor's away and I just, I don't trust Jodie or Poppy to deal with her.
-So you want me to?
-No, I want you to go over to Roxy's and ask her.
-Can't you just call her?
she'll just be all snotty with me, Lauren, and I...
I just can't face it today.
Oh, Mum...Come here.
I'm sorry, I dunno what's the matter with me.
I didn't feel half this bad yesterday.
-You're bound to have ups and downs, ain't you?
-That'll be my taxi.
I'd give anything not to have to go through this again this morning.
-Do you want me to come with you?
-No. No. You're going to go and see Roxy.
Where did I put the shopping list?
-Mum, I'll take care of that.
-Really? Are you sure?
Thank you, darling.
-Right, I'll see you in a bit.
How long is she planning on staying, hmmm?
Shhh... I can't just chuck her out.
Besides, it'll only be for a day or two.
A day or two will turn into a week or two,
then a month or two and before you know it we'll have a lodger living with us full time, rent free.
A bit like you, really?
At least I don't prance around in my underwear.
What am I supposed to do?
I can't send her back to Ian and it's not like she's got anywhere else to go.
Listen, take the kids to school. I'll have a word with her, all right?
Kids! Come on, we're off!
-Why didn't she just ring me?
-Please. It'd get her out of a big jam and she'd be really grateful.
It is amazing how when your mother needs a favour her attitude changes, innit.
Please. She wouldn't ask if it weren't important.
OK, I'll tell you what, just take her to playgroup and I'll do it.
-She won't be a problem. She's got a bunch of snacks in the bag. If she's hungry just give her one.
-No. I've got a class at half eleven.
-It'll be well over by then. It's fine, you've got my number...
just call me if there's a problem. OK. I'll see you later, I'm gonna go and get changed. Bye!
Was you there yesterday?
No, but that's a weird way to pimp your car though.
Have you seen the video that's been going round? It's so funny.
Ah sorry. 'Scuse me, babe.
Kat, sweet, you don't have to tell everybody.
How would you feel if it was our car, eh?
This is Ian we're talking about here.
I know but the bloke's got feelings, all right.
Go and grab the kids' bags. I'm gonna grab something from the shop. yeah?
I know it's not much of a date but I was thinking maybe we could hang out together.
Take her to the swings or something.
I got work, you know, sweetness.
But we could hook up at lunchtime in the Vic?
What time shall we say? About one?
Yeah, I guess. See you then, OK.
BANGING ON DOOR Ian? Oh, there you are.
I just thought I'd come over and see if you were home before I bomb off on my holidays.
Are you all right? How's it going?
I'm as happy as Larry.
-Whoever Larry was.
-Have you... spoken to the car hire people though, yeah?
-What do you think?
-Yeah but you're covered by insurance, though, ain't you?
-Ian, what you doing? You gotta speak to the car hire people...
-I'll phone them when I'm ready, OK?
-Apparently, it's all over the Internet.
I tell you what - why don't I stick the kettle on, have a cup of coffee, yeah? Give me a sec.
'I know what he'll do. He'll go straight to the police.'
-I've tried so hard to stay out of trouble.
-What were you thinking, Mandy?
-That it served him right.
-Well, apparently because he's putting me up, I've got to sleep with him...
-Yeah, and he knows I've got nowhere else to go.
-What about your mum?
-What, the woman I haven't spoken to in over 15 years?
-The thing is, Mandy...
-Pat, couldn't you talk to him?
Y'know, stop him from going to the police?
Or if has, maybe get him to drop the charges?
-Well, I don't see how anything I might say would make a difference.
Oh, and could you pick up a few of my things while you're there an' all?
And on top of all that I've lumbered myself going on a date with Fatboy this lunchtime.
Since when have you been going out with Fatboy?
I don't know. I felt sorry for him and now I'm stuck with it.
-Anyway, what about you?
-What about me?
-You and Tyler, yesterday.
-Yeah, it was all right.
All right's a long way from fantastic.
I don't really want to talk about it.
Oh, come here, Whit...
Maybe you could go on a date with Fatboy, then.
-Why not? You'd be good together.
-No! I'm not going out with Fatboy just to sort out your mess.
Shenice, you seen Alfie?
-Where is he? We should've left by now.
Got about two hours' kip last night.
Just lying there, thinking, imagining. You know.
All the things I should've said. All the things I should've done.
it's a good job she didn't stay here last night...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa...
-I'd have ended up on a murder charge.
-OK, you've got a right to be angry...
-I only got the damned car for her.
Just trying to make her happy.
What kicked it all off, then?
Wait till Jane hears about this. She'll laugh her head off.
No, no. Ian, this time next week it'll all be forgotten, mate.
Is it me?
It's not like this is the first time this has happened, is it?
Well. What do you reckon? Is it me?
-I dunno, mate.
-I tell you what, I'm through with women. All right.
-I don't need 'em. They're just a damned expense.
-I know you feel...
From now on it's just going to be me and Bobby. Just the two of us.
And to hell with everyone else...
What about school?
It's going to be all round the playground, innit?
The kid's going to hate me.
No, no. It'll be all right.
It IS me, innit?
-KNOCK ON DOOR
I'm just talking to Alfie for a bit, all right?
I'll come back another time.
I don't know what I'd have done without you this morning.
-In a minute!
-Why haven't we left yet?
CAVALRY CHARGE RINGTONE
-Right, come on then, what's the secret?
Yeah, you and Kat. You seem happy.
-You don't know the half of it.
-What? You telling me you're not?
No. Ian, if our relationship was based on happiness, me and Kat would've split up yonks ago.
All right, what then?
Yeah. Right. It's like yesterday, right.
Me and Kat, in the pub, having a right giggle and a gurgle. Like it used to be.
Bit of a laugh, even snuck upstairs for a bit of how's your father.
-And may I say, the how's your father was very good...
-Sounds all right.
But anyway I come down later to tell her lunch was ready and she started crying.
What's all that about? She said she was pre-menstrual, which is cobblers -
she finished her period last week, so that was a lie, wasn't it?
Did you pick her up on it? What, and have a row with her?
Trust me, mate, you cannot win a row with Kat Slater.
I spend half my time tip-toeing around her.
Technically, unless a woman is actually HAVING her period, she's always premenstrual.
-Think about it.
-Sounds about right.
Unless she's having an early menopause.
You've gotta be careful around Kat... She's got...stuff.
I mean, we've all got stuff, but that girl has got a LOT of stuff.
You've got the Lynne stuff, the Zoe stuff, the Dad stuff, the Mum stuff...
you don't wanna go there... she won't even talk about it...
Uncle Harry stuff... Ronnie stuff, Michael stuff, baby Tommy...
course, you don't wanna go there either.
And of course, the miscarriage.
Which is what?
That's only top ten. Actually, that's nine.
Alf, I'm sorry, mate.
-It's all right. You don't mind if I don't talk about it?
-No, it's fine.
So come on, then, what about the Alfie stuff?
Oh, yeah, she's got the Alfie stuff going on as well.
-No, not her... you. Your stuff?
I've got the Kat stuff, ain't I? Which is more than enough.
So how do you do it?
-How do I do what?
-How'd you cope with it all?
I just do, don't I?
I love her. I love her with all my heart.
I know it's not rational.
Thinking about it, no sane person would willingly take on Kat Slater.
But you knew what she was like before you got together.
Yeah, yeah, I knew she was trouble.
You've only got to spend two minutes with Kat to know that.
But I didn't quite realise how much trouble.
But I don't regret it, Ian.
Seriously, I wouldn't change a thing, mate. I must be mad.
You spend half your life, right, looking for the perfect woman, the person that'll answer all your needs.
-But you know what?
That person does not exist. Actually, that's not quite true
cos that person does exist but it's up here,
in your imagination.
What do you find so funny?
You are talking to a man who's been married four times.
-Yeah, I know.
-And I'm still looking.
I think we're both mad.
-So you don't know if he's phoned the police or not?
-He was practically crying. What was I supposed to do?
What, Ian? Crying?
This may come as a surprise to you, Mandy, but Ian's got a sensitive side. He always did have.
He'll drive you nuts with all that selfishness and stupidity, and then
he'll turn round suddenly and do something really kind and thoughtful when you least expect it.
D'you remember Ethel?
Yeah. What about her?
When she died, she didn't have two pennies to rub together.
Ian paid for the funeral. Big do. Must have cost him thousands.
He didn't even blink.
I could tell you a dozen stories like that.
Did you pick up my things?
No, Mandy, I did not pick up your things. Like I said, it wasn't the right moment.
All right, I feel bad now.
Not half as bad as him, I don't suppose.
I shouldn't've done it, should I?
Smashing up his car. I mean, why did I?
You tell me.
The thing is, Pat, when I meet a bloke and he's all keen,
I just end up thinking,
"Who is this idiot? What is he after?" It doesn't occur to me that he might actually like me.
I mean, who would?
But that's you, innit?
Do you think he does? Like me, I mean?
All Ian wants is to be loved.
That's the beginning and the end of it.
What's happened to the milk?
-Oh,...I'll go get some more.
-You're not even dressed yet.
-I can't wait.
What do you think I should do?
I don't know, Mandy.
What do YOU think you should do?
'I thought she'd be grateful.'
Roof over her head.
Central heating. Three meals a day.
And she wouldn't have to work at that club any more.
This place's got to be better than where she was.
Only she weren't.
Grateful, I mean.
So, I thought, right, I know what I'll do, I'll try and impress her.
So I start taking her places, buying her things. That is the reason why I got that car.
But the more I tried, the less grateful she was.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't like her so much.
She makes me smile.
Maybe it's not things she needs.
Oi! Don't ignore me like I don't exist or something.
Keep an eye on the stall, will you, darlin'?
Oh. Who are you?
Pat's putting me up for a bit.
-Is she around?
-Just popped out to get a pint of milk.
In that case, is it all right if I wait?
I thought yesterday,
if I could switch my life off like you switch off a light, I probably would.
-Is this to do with Tyler?
-No. It's not just his fault.
-Everyone thinks it.
Did he say something?
And you don't want to?
I can probably guess, darlin'. The thing is, I been where you are now.
Nobody's ever going to want me again. Yeah?
And then I met Roy.
All I'm saying is they do exist.
So where do I find my Roy?
Don't s'pose either of you two have seen Alfie, have you?
-He's at Ian's. Well, he was half hour ago.
-I'm going to skin him alive.
-Yeah, I know, you've gotta go.
-Yeah but I hate leaving you when you're like this though, mate.
-I'll be all right.
Not like I haven't been here before. I'll cope.
-BANGING ON DOOR
-Alfie, are you in there?
-I'm in here, sweetheart.
-We should be halfway to Luton by now.
-I should've called you.
Kat, don't blame him, OK? It was my fault.
-I'll get the kids. I'll be waiting in the car.
Don't be cross with him.
-Listen, you're not going to sit here and brood, are you?
-No, I've got plenty to do.
-Brilliant. That's the spirit, mate. You keep busy, all right?
have a good holiday, all right. And keep working at it. Never give up.
-See you, mate.
-See you, bud.
-Take care. See you later.
"BARGAIN HUNT" ON TV
Gone to milk the cow, has she?
So, Mandy, what do you do for a living?
I take my clothes off.
For men a little bit like you.
Oh... That's different.
Only now I'm going to go and put some on. Sorry.
Kat, what was I supposed to do, eh? The bloke was on the floor.
-I should've known you were probably doing something kind.
-It wasn't about kindness, it was more...
What's all that about?
What have I done to deserve you, eh?
I love you. Come on. Let's go on holiday! Chop chop!
Mandy, phone! Mandy?
No, no, she's not here at the moment.
She should be back any minute.
No, I-I'm just a friend. FRONT DOOR CLOSES
Hang on, I think she's...Pat?
-What you doing here?
-Sorry... false alarm... Yeah, I can take a message.
Oh, right. Right, yeah, I'll pass that on.
-It was for Pat. Should be back any minute apparently.
-Right. So has Mandy gone, then?
-No, she's upstairs, getting dressed.
Oh, is she now?
Can I have a word with you, please? Has Pat spoken to you yet?
-What do you mean?
-So she hasn't, then?
-I don't understand.
Right, well, I'm afraid you're going to have to go, Mandy, cos there's not enough room here.
I know it's tough, but that is life and Pat and I, we discussed this earlier so it's not just me.
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
Mum? How was it?
-What's she doing here?
-Roxy's just dumped her on me, basically.
-I thought you had a class.
-Yeah, I did.
-So where's Roxy, then?
-Still at the salon.
-Did the rep not come?
-Yeah, but she said she was needed at the desk.
She said she'd pick her up by lunchtime but it's lunchtime now.
-Yeah but that's not fair on you, is it?
-Come and sit down and tell me how you're feeling.
Tired. I was falling asleep in the car on the way back.
-Did you get the shopping?
-Yep, and it's all put away.
Thank you, darling.
I feel so sick.
Right, so do you want me to cook dinner tonight, then?
Listen, I'm meant to be meeting someone at the pub for lunch.
Oh, right. You go. I'll look after her.
I've got a few minutes.
Oh, darling, I am grateful. You know that, don't you?
Don't know how I'd cope without you.
It's OK, Mum.
KNOCK ON DOOR
What do you want?
-Got a vase?
-Under the sink.
So where's Tyler now?
Oh, he's probably in the Vic. That's where he is most lunchtimes.
-You know what I'd do if I was you?
-No, I can't, Pat.
So what are you going to do? Avoid him for the rest of your life? Listen.
-Do you like him?
-I thought I did, yeah.
So sort it out. Doesn't have to end in a fight.
And you'll feel much better afterwards, believe me.
So what do I actually say?
"What happened to me happened. There's nothing I can do to change that.
"It's only a problem if you choose to make it a problem."
Can I write that down?
Just do it, girl!
-Not really, bruv.
-Why's that then?
I just gotta make a quick phone call, all right.
-You OK for a drink?
-Yeah, yeah, I'm cool, thanks.
One minute they're all up for it. Next minute they're not.
And somehow we're supposed to know. We ain't mind readers, are we?
Hold tight, are we talking about Whitney now?
All that stuff she's gone through has basically done her head in.
Not so much a boyfriend she needs as a shrink.
-I beg your pardon?
-Fancy a drink?
-I asked you a question.
It's not what it sounded like.
I came in here to say one thing...
I don't give a damn what you think of me.
I don't need your approval...
I don't need anyone's approval. And if you don't like it, then tough.
And what are you staring at?
That's what I'm dealing with.
Where are you going?
-Leave me alone.
Whitney! Come here, babe.
-It's all right.
This is me.
'You did what?'
She was never going to leave on her own.
I was in the middle of dealing with it. You had no right!
Is he moving in too?
Come in, Norman. Sorry about this. It's one of them days.
I wanted to take you out for lunch.
Not today, if you don't mind. My head's not in the right place.
You had a phone call, about ten minutes ago.
Your son, Simon, in New Zealand.
-What did he want?
-Didn't say. Wanted you to call him straight back.
Is it likely to be a problem?
Yeah. It's the middle of the night, there must be a problem.
Si? It's Mum.
Oh, my God...
So... you haven't been to the police then?
Maybe to get myself locked up but that's about it.
Look, I'm not staying. I just came to get some stuff.
Hold on, where are you gonna go?
-I'll be all right.
You know me.
I don't actually think I do.
-I don't think I know anything any more. I mean,
I'm not what people think I am, OK.
I'm not rich, I'm not successful, I'm not a leading local businessman.
I'm just a fraud.
-You're a nice guy. You are.
-Yeah, right. You've changed your tune, haven't you?
Pat said a lot of nice things about you.
-Things I would not have guessed.
She said that you can be really kind
and that deep down you just want to be loved.
I'm like that too.
I guess that's all any of us really want, isn't it?
Only I'm not a very nice guy, so is it any wonder?
You ARE a nice guy.
With or without a flash car.
What you saying?
Are you saying we can try again?
Only properly this time.
What do you mean?
Let's get married.
Um, yeah. So if you could pick him up?
OK, yeah. Well, I'll drop him off, then.
OK. Thank you, Auntie Carol.
Oh, why is there never anything in here any more? I'm starving!
-What was that?
Well, it sounded like Mum chucking up.
PHONE RINGS Whit?
-Lauren, what do I do?
-Fats, he's out looking for me.
-'And where are you?'
-'I don't know,'
it was the first thing I thought of doing. Lauren, we kissed, right?
'Me and Fats! What does that even mean?'
It means that you like him!
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
Oh, you idiot!
-No, sorry, not you, Whitney. Look, I've got to go. Good luck.
-What're you doing?
-I'm just off to the salon, darling.
Mum, we heard you being sick.
It was nothing. It was just a wave. I'm fine now.
Mum, please, look, you're exhausted.
Will you stop telling me how I'm feeling!
Sorry, I'm sorry.
It's just that I can't seem to relax, you know? I think it would be best if I just kept busy.
Right, you've got Oscar all sorted, haven't you?
And well, besides, I feel much better today.
Yeah, you don't look it.
Please, will you just stop fussing over me every five minutes?
I'm YOUR mum, remember?
I'll see you later.
It ain't a Ferrari,
but if it's reliability you're after, then this is your motor, bruv.
Um... Give me one minute. Have a look.
Hey, I was looking for you.
Look, um... Can you take a lunch break?
Give us a bag of chips, will you? I'm starving.
-I skipped breakfast.
-There's a queue, love.
D'you realise who you're talking to? Tell him, Ian.
Mandy, I'm a bit busy at the moment.
-He proposed last night.
Oh, I'm sorry, have I embarrassed you?
No, it's... Look, I'm at work.
-Oh, the answer's no, by the way.
No, I won't marry you.
-Yeah, but you said yes.
-No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
So, you remember the word "yes" coming out of my mouth, do you?
-Ian! Should I serve myself?
-I'll be back in a minute.
-Mandy, wait, wait, wait.
-You didn't even do it properly.
How do you mean?
Well, I don't see a ring on my finger, do you?
Now, if you want me to be your wife, Ian,
you're going to have to prove it.
All right, fellas?
-Hey, you all right?
-No, my leg.
I know that mood, bruv.
Look, don't get me wrong, I'm with you all the way on this,
but Fats is not as tidy as you, is he?
I mean, do you really want to end up in front of a judge over a girl?
Look, don't worry about it, Pops, it's not the end of the world, we'll find somewhere else.
Yeah, but where will we find a chocolate fountain at such short notice?
All right ladies? What's up?
It's Poppy's 21st today.
She had this room booked for a party at this well exclusive club, right,
frequented by the creme de la creme of reality stars, football players, you name it...
Then some trumped-up daddy's girl goes and pays triple,
so she's having her 18th there,
which means I'm left without so much as a Big Brother reject.
Girls, I think I might just be your knight in shining armour.
Why? Do you know anyone famous?
No. Well, not exactly. But who needs celebrities when you got our gaffe?
Moon parties are legendary, right, Ant?
-Can I have a chocolate fountain?
-It's your party, babe.
You can have a chocolate unicorn if you want.
Are you serious about this?
Best idea I've had all week.
-Sit yourself down, mate.
Ben's just pulled a muscle.
-I said I'd take him through some warm-up exercises.
-I just bought lunch.
Thought we were meant to be cutting back on expenses.
-You know, with the solicitor's fees.
-Oh. Sorry, forgot.
-Well, a couple of quid won't matter, will it?
-I'm sure there's enough for everyone, ain't there, Sy?
-Gaynor. Gaynor, could you do this for me, please?
-Thank you. Sorry.
-How you doing?
-What are you...
-I wanted to see you.
How are you?
I'm sorry, sorry...
I'm fine. This is just a bit of a shock.
It's really good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
We'll move the sofa into the yard, make way for a serious mosh pit.
-I can bring those fairy lights from round my mirror...
The pink ones? Oh, they are lovely.
What about some music? We'll need some tunes, you know,
-like a DJ or something to like lay them down?
-..you're known to spin the odd disc, right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Party tonight, round ours. You're both invited.
So, are you two like a couple, then, or...?
Yeah, yeah. This is my boyfriend.
Well, good luck to you.
-What does that mean?
-Ah, well, I think it's well sweet.
-Yeah, you guys are adorable.
Anyway, party tonight round ours. You coming or not?
Or are you one of them boring couples that sits in watching DVDs?
-No. We'll come. Won't we, Fats?
-Yeah, yeah, why not?
All right, well we're going to grab a drink, all right?
So, do you really want to be my lady, then?
Wow. Hoorah! Um...
-Is that you off?
-Yeah. See you later. Quiet one tonight, yeah?
You fancy a cup of tea, Ben?
What's your favourite film?
Oh, I don't know. There're so many.
Well, when I was your age, Stand By Me.
What's it about?
Well, it's about this kid who feels trapped by his family.
Dad's a criminal waster and everyone thinks he's going to turn out the same way.
I guess at the time, I could relate to that. What's yours?
Don't really watch films at my house. Just sport and video games.
Dad reckons it's a waste of time.
I tell you what, why don't you borrow one of mine?
Mind you, I think Jane took my copy of Stand By Me and never returned it.
So, you're, like, together?
I know it's a bit quick, but it just feels right, somehow.
And we've been mates for a while and I don't want to muck it up.
Yeah? Then don't.
Oh. How straightforward everything is in Lauren's world(!)
Listen, are you going to come to this party with me later?
I need a mate there, with Tyler thinking he's all man.
I'm really happy for you.
Right, so d'you want a cup of tea, or maybe some coffee or something?
No, I'm fine, actually.
Max not around?
-No, I haven't seen him since.
-I don't know why I asked.
You look tired, Tan.
Yeah, it's hard work, innit, being a single mum.
Didn't mean to sound self-pitying.
Obviously, I realise it's all my fault...
Lauren called me.
You spoke to her?
she was really worried about you.
So, this is some sort of mercy mission, is it?
-I can't believe she told you.
It's not a crime to be lonely, is it? I've missed you too.
Unless there's something else?
I've not been very well, Greg.
Yeah, well it's been going around, hasn't it?
It's worse than that.
What? Like cancer or something?
Right, that's it. I'm not asking again.
-Cos I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of being treated like some stray dog
you stroke one day and kick the next.
Oh, grow up, will you? I've got more important things to worry about than your teenage ego.
Life ain't just holding hands and kissing behind bike sheds,
some of us actually have real problems...
Pat, Pat, what is it?
So are you...? What, you having chemotherapy?
Yeah, on Mondays. And then radiotherapy on weekdays.
I'm a bigger junkie than Rainie at the moment.
It's all right. I am still the same person.
I haven't had a complete sense-of-humour bypass.
-No. I didn't mean...
-Don't know. There's always a chance.
They don't really go into all that, it's...
I haven't actually asked them.
I suppose the treatment's more focused on...
-checking whether it's spread, scans and things.
-Aren't you scared?
But, you know, some days are bearable.
The other week I met this woman, Siobhan,
and we just had... Well, we just had a right old giggle
for literally 20 minutes, I forgot all about it.
A bit of a bummer when I remembered, but you've got to take the ups when you can.
Sorry, I'm really going on, aren't I? It's just that it's...
It's bizarre, talking to someone I know about it.
It's a relief, actually.
Normally, it's me and Lauren, and she's just...
Oh, she has been amazing, but I do worry that...
that I'm burdening her, you know?
You all right? You look a bit pale.
Yeah, yeah, fine. Just...
I just remembered my car's on a meter.
No, honestly. I'll come back, I just need to...
Yeah, yeah, it's all right.
You don't have to explain, I understand.
-It's a lot to get your head round, innit?
I mean, I can understand you feeling funny cos...
it's big, right?
There's you thinking you were going to come round here and, what?
Didn't realise you'd be talking to a sick woman, did you?
It's probably a bit creepy.
Right, well you better go then, Greg,
before I get really morbid, start talking about things like death,
or worse still, expecting YOU to.
-Listen, it's obviously not helping me...
What happened? Did she tell you?
She pushed you away, didn't she?
I was scared she'd do that. She didn't mean it.
She has these mood swings and she lashes out, but it's only cos she's frightened.
You've just got to keep trying, Greg.
What is it?
Sorry, Lauren, I don't think I can do this right now.
It's all just too much.
I'm really sorry... I just... I can't.
-You mean, you're scared?
Oh, right, well, join the club, Greg. Cos imagine how Mum feels!
Imagine what's going through her head right now!
I feel it, too.
The number of times I've wanted to run away and hide
and pretend that it's not happening, but I can't because she needs me!
You're still her husband. Doesn't that count for something?
If you ever loved her, then please don't go!
She needs you!
You can go to hell, Greg! JUST GO TO HELL!
It's OK, Mum. We don't need him.
Are you going to tell me what's up?
Ooh, you stubborn old mare!
It was that call from my son, Simon.
He's got himself in deep water, he's going to lose his house.
So I went to see my brokers,
try and get a loan, but I'm too old, apparently.
They're right, aren't they?
I'm just a useless, decrepit old woman...
-How much does he need?
No, Norman, I can't let you do that.
Rather see your son and grandchildren go homeless?
Leave with it me.
Oh, hello. Be back in a sec, mate.
I'm going to go and speak to the girls.
All right, babe.
You all right?
So, erm, look...
Listen, mate, erm...
-are we cool?
-Oh, mate, yeah, we're cool. Yeah, we're cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.
Forward. Forward, forward, forward.
Go on, open them.
A night in your front room.
That's supposed to get me to marry you, is it?
I've gone to a lot of effort. I mean, it's romantic.
What is, Ian?
Hiding me away, so nobody sees us together?
Yes, I used to be a lap dancer.
I'm not ashamed of that, even if you are.
Where're you going?
There's a party on the Square.
What, that kids' thing? Oh, come on, Mandy, you're far too...
Oh, I do not give a flying fig.
DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS
LOUD MUSIC AND CHEERING
-Oh, that is lovely, innit?
Tyler, leave me alone.
-I can't stop thinking about you.
-Well, I'm with Fats.
-To get my attention, make me jealous. I get it.
-It's obvious you and him ain't got that spark.
-You're mates, that's all.
-Yeah, and that's how I know it's right.
I mean, he's funny, he's kind,
he's loyal, he's not going to let me down.
-So he's safe.
-He's what I need.
Look, I don't expect you to get that.
But then that's kind of the point.
Oi. I thought this was supposed to be your party?
-So, why are you sitting in here, sulking?
Go and join your girly mates and have a girly dance.
Why don't you just shut your big, sexist gob and pour me one of them?
It's obvious, he fancies you rotten.
Oh, don't be stupid, I'm ancient to a kid like Ben.
Besides, Jane's like his surrogate aunty, so that would make me his uncle.
Now you're just making it sound weird.
-I'll head home. Catch me up?
I'm glad I bumped into you, actually. Er, well, I got something for you.
Ben, you really shouldn't have.
Don't worry. Saw it in the market, going cheap. And, well...
Well, you keep it.
I bought two copies.
-Well, I better be getting off.
-Oi, you've had more than me!
-Yeah, you started before me!
Hardly had any before greedy guts got here.
Oi, it is rude to insult a lady!
Where's she, then?
OK, hand it over.
-Get off me!
-All right, I was just messing.
What you doing? What you doing?
I've had enough.
# No teasing
# I need you to get up up on the dance floor
# Give that man what he asking for
# Cos I feel like busting loose and I feel like touching you
# And can't nobody stop the juice
# So baby
# It's getting hot in here
# So take off all your clothes
# I am gettin so hot
# I wanna take my clothes off
# It's getting hot in here
# So take off all your clothes
# I am gettin so hot
# I wanna take my clothes off... #
Here. Stick this on.
# It's hip to be square
# It's hip to be square
# I like my bands in business suits
# I watch them on TV... #
I can't dance!
Good. Come on.
# They tell me that it's good for me
# But I don't even care
# I know that it's crazy
# I know that it's nowhere
# But there is no denying that
# It's hip to be a square
# It's hip to be a square
# It's hip to be a square... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lauren, is that you?
# Happy birthday to you
# Happy birthday to you
# Happy birthday dear Poppy... #
Poppity Poppity Pops!
# Happy birthday to you! #
-All right, let's get this party started!
# If you wanna get with me
# There's some things you gotta know
# I like my beats fast and my bass down low
# Ba-ba-bass, bass, bass down low
# Ba-ba-bass down low
# I-I-I like my beats fast and my bass down low
# Ba-bass down low
# Ba-ba-bass, bass, bass down low... #
I'm not in the mood for a lecture, all right?
# One, two, three, OK
# Can I get a little Goose in my OJ?
# Every day feel like my birthday
# And we sip champagne when we thirsty
# Straight buzzin' Robotussin
# Wanna get ya mitts in my oven?
# Wanna get a lick of this lovin'?
# G-g-g-get a lick of this lovin'
# Yeah, I like it loud
# And I'll make you shout
# Give you that Black Eyed Peas
# You know that Boom Boom Pow
# If you wanna get with me There's some things you gotta know
# I like my beats fast And my bass down low
# Ba-ba-bass, bass Bass down low... #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Email [email protected]
Syed faces a difficult choice when his daughter Yasmin visits the Square for the first time; will he stand by Christian, or give in to Amira's demands?
Kat is horrified when an unwelcome visitor returns, threatening to expose her secret, while Ian reaches a momentous decision about his life after a heart-to-heart with Alfie.
Pat encourages Whitney to face her fears and stand up for herself, but things take an unexpected twist when she takes Pat's advice; and Lauren's plan to support Tanya backfires.