23/10/2011 EastEnders Omnibus


23/10/2011

Syed faces a hard choice when his daughter Yasmin visits the Square for the first time, and Kat is horrified when an unwelcome visitor returns, threatening to expose her secret.


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Transcript


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ALFIE: 'Listen, sweetheart.

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'I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier on, you know.

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'Well, I was just a bit...

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'You looked absolutely stunning in your dress. And, um...

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'Well, have a good time and I'll see you later. I love you, bye.'

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It's companionship, yes.

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But it's also... I don't know, a feeling I get when I'm around him.

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A...zing!

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Hello, sweetheart, what can I get you?

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-Glass of white wine, please.

-Large one?

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-Do you know what I mean, Alfie?

-Yes, course I do. Oh, Kat, lovely.

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Jean was just... Can't wait to tell you about her zing.

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Is that what they're calling it these days? Why the shirt?

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Well, it's my favourite shirt, innit?

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-And the hat?

-Kat, it's in case it gets cold.

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-Oi! Not in front of the punters!

-I knew it! Boiled sweets.

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You're going football.

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-Kat, listen. It's just that Anthony got us tickets.

-How do I run this place on my own on a Saturday?

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-You know... Kim said she'd help out.

-Did she rubbish.

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-Shall we talk about your tab?

-Ready whenever you need me.

-No.

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Oh, Kat, please, come on.

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Me and Anthony ain't been since Tony Cottee was there. You'll manage.

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All right, fair enough.

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-Glass of white wine?

-Did someone drop this?

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Thank you. Kat was saying how happy she is for you and Norman. Yes, mate?

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Right, mate, we'll have 14 pints of lager and a yard of ale.

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Fell asleep in the cinema the other night.

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Just crossing the border, they were, in the film.

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Into Switzerland, I think.

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Anyway, I turn round and Norman is sound asleep.

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-14 pints of lager and a yard of ale. It's a pub crawl for Rabbit.

-Rabbit?

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Yeah, scrum-half, Rabbit. Birthday boy, somewhere.

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It's because we're so relaxed in each other's company.

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And I was wondering that maybe it might be time

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that we think about living together. Here.

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-Do we even have a yard?

-Yeah, in the barrel store.

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-It feels right, don't you think?

-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

-Really?

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-Whatever makes you happy, Jean.

-Yes!

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Give us ten minutes. Just to talk, OK?

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Yeah, I understand that.

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-It's important for Syed.

-And Christian.

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-And Christian. Yes.

-Are you serious?

-I haven't seen Amira in ages.

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-She's not four!

-Except mentally.

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-OK. Here she is.

-That's not...

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-Yes.

-Oh, it is! Come on, come on.

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A welcoming party!

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-Let me get that.

-How are you?

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-I'm very well. It's good to see you.

-Good.

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-Stop torturing yourself.

-I just want to see my daughter.

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And you will, all right?

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He'll call when he's ready.

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Now you can help me with this.

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-With what?

-Tidying up.

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What, fitness magazines and Dance Anthems CDs?

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Yeah, just pop them in the cupboard, will you?

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Christian, are you de-gaying our flat?

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Look, Sy, it can't hurt for Amira to think of this place

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-as somewhere that Yasmin can stay.

-I don't believe this.

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-We have to be clever about this.

-You're saying we're ashamed of who we are.

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That I should hide it from my daughter who I haven't even met yet!

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Do I really look like the sort of person that's ashamed of who I am?

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Hm?

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What's the most important thing here?

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You and me.

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Exactly. So...

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-Rufus Wainwright?

-He's in.

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Happy driving, mate. Have a great weekend!

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-You sold it?

-ABC, sweetheart.

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-Always Be Closing.

-Listen, do you fancy a drink?

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What, on a roll like this? I could sell half a dozen in the next 20 minutes!

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-Oi, go on, off you go.

-What, really?

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That thing's been sitting there for weeks. You've earned it.

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-I'll look after the place.

-Wicked! Well, let's do this.

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But I've got to go home and get changed.

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And I was telling them about our zing, and you falling asleep in the cinema.

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-The Switzerland bit.

-Hmm?

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-Well, they think it's a great idea.

-Terrific.

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Just think of all the extra time we'll have together.

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Sorry. How's that?

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We'll be living together. Here. Oh!

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-Reminds me...

-30 Geordies on that Spanish stag do?

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-They loved you.

-All them offers I got, could have run away with 30 different blokes.

-Yeah.

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To Newcastle? Off you go then, pet.

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No, seriously, Kat. Had it been yesterday, I'd have deserved it.

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-Alfie...

-No, seriously, sweetheart. Seriously.

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Fair's fair. I was a pillock. Right, come on, fellas!

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Hi, sweetheart. Scotch, when you're ready.

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What are you... Get out!

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That's quick, even for you.

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-So what will it be, boss?

-No, it's fine.

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-Said I'd help, I'm helping.

-Scotch and dry, please, darling.

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-Ooh, a gentleman.

-Alfie, do you think you'll still make the game?

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-Just, darling.

-Go on then, off you go.

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-What about all the...

-It's fine.

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-You serious?

-Yeah.

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What a woman. How lucky am I, eh? CHEERING

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Got a free pass to the Hammers! Come on, you Irons!

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-Alfie, could I have a word?

-Yeah, make it quick, Norman.

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-Hello?

-I'm in here.

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All right?

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How did it go with the accountant?

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Um... I thought I'd swerve it. I...

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..went up Bond Street instead.

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-What's that?

-This is for you,

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for being so adorable.

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Ian!

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Open it...wet.

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It's a scarf.

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I can see that.

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Well, I don't mind if you want to change it.

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Wasn't cheap, though.

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So, um...

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So?

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Well, we're not doing anything right now, are we?

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-And?

-Well...

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I just thought maybe we could have a little bit of afternoon delight.

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-What, you thought a scarf'd do the trick?

-I thought you might like it.

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Well, and the other as well, hopefully.

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It's just that it's been a while and we haven't, and...

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well, bloke's got needs, hasn't he?

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Take it back.

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-What?

-Take it back.

-Mand...

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Can I get a bottle of champs, please?

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Are you going to pour it all over my body?

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-SHE SQUEALS HAPPILY

-Ooh, the bubbles!

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-We ain't got any.

-What, you playing with my life?

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Do you know where you are?

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All right. I'll have a look.

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Listen, when you got a Too Legit To Quit gangsta up in your ends, yeah,

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you got to keep that shizzle frizzle dizzle gizzle on ice, get me?!

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-Hold on. Look, look.

-Is it French?

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Bulgarian.

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Don't know where that come from.

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-What, chill for 20 minutes, call it 30 quid?

-It's Bulgarian!

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You want it or not? Hmm?

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Gangsta(!)

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-Absolutely.

-Hmm, absolutely.

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Is she worth it?

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-Trust me, I don't want to move in.

-But she thinks you do?

-Yeah.

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-Norman, she's got her hopes up.

-Yes!

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-Alfie...

-All right, all right, just leave it with me.

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-We need new bedding.

-There's nothing wrong with it!

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-There's no need to get aggressive.

-I'm not being...

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Sorry, I'm not being aggressive.

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Just something more neutral.

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-I'm going to go over.

-Your dad's not rung yet. Just be patient.

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Just to talk to her. She's not totally unreasonable.

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-This is the funnest baby in the world!

-Careful with the bouncing. SHE CRIES LOUDLY

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Ahh, come to me. Come to me. Come on. Let Dhada-ji clean you up.

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Come on. Thank you.

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-Put that there.

-Such a homely girl, Afia.

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Good wedding?

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Uh, well, didn't go as smoothly as yours.

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Look how that turned out.

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She's an absolute angel.

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Just seeing you with her.

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Seeing her little Shabnam nose.

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Makes me a bit...

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I heard things have been difficult.

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You know, sometimes I think about before the wedding.

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Me and Syed, you and Zainab,

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everyone excited together. SHE SIGHS

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I wish I could go back there. It was the happiest time of my life.

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Well, Syed's very excited about her.

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Is he?

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Well, we all are. But Syed in particular.

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You know, he'd make a terrific father.

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-Except he's gay.

-Yeah.

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And you approve of that?

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Well, she is Syed's daughter. They should have some contact.

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-They? This is about them now?

-Yes, both. Of course.

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Even though you don't approve of their relationship?

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Christian is part of Syed's life now.

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-You know it's wrong. And unnatural.

-I didn't say that.

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You are on my side though, aren't you?

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Deep down, you know the best way of doing things

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-is Mum, Dad, and baby.

-Amira, I didn't say that.

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Would you let them raise Kamil? KNOCKING ON DOOR

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I'll get it.

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Syed. She's awesome, she's amazing. She looks just like Shabnam.

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Amazing.

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-What's that...

-Huh?

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Oh, it's baby vomit.

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-Yasmin.

-He was bouncing her.

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Come on, clean up.

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-Come on through, guys.

-Hello, Syed.

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Amira. How are you?

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Your dad and I were just having a chat.

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-About how important it is for Yasmin to spend time with her dad.

-That's what I want.

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Good. But not him.

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-Sorry?

-I explained, Syed.

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-Not him.

-Amira, you can't just...

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-Dad?

-He agrees with me.

-What?

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He thinks having your boyfriend involved

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in Yasmin's life is just wrong.

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-I didn't say that!

-Come on Sy, let's go.

-You can leave whenever you like.

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You can't stop me seeing her. I've spoken to a solicitor. And we've got rights.

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I'd never stand in the way.

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I just hope we're not abroad by the time it gets sorted out.

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-What?

-You expect my grandparents to travel here at their age?!

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-Oh, come on, Amira.

-You can't take her away.

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Just for a visit. You know what families are like.

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Once they've got her there, they won't want to let her go.

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-You're a piece of work!

-Or you can come in and see her now. On your own.

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YASMIN GRIZZLES Oh, there she is.

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She'd love it if her dad came to hold her. Calm her down.

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Sy...

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It's you and me.

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You'll hear from our solicitor.

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-YASMIN CRIES

-I'll go.

-Mum knows best.

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-No room?

-No room.

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-But Kat...

-Yeah, I know what Kat said, sweetheart.

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But what with the kids and Mo...

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There's just not enough space, babe.

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-Hey, come on. You all right?

-Course.

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Yes? Good girl.

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MOBILE RINGS

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Anthony! Course I'm on my way, mate.

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Just got to... Yeah, no, definitely.

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Oi! What are you still doing here?

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Sorry, had to troubleshoot a human resources issue.

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Just getting me coat. I'm on my way, mate. Come on, you Hammers!

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It doesn't have to be here, does it?

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-What?

-Little one-bedroom would do us.

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-Jean...

-Or a two-bed.

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I mean, Bradley was always saying you can't move for two-beds in Walford.

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Jean, I don't think I can move in with you.

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Oh, it doesn't have to be now. When the time is right.

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I don't think the time will ever be right, Jean.

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-Oh.

-Look at you.

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You are a wonderful, vibrant, beautiful young woman.

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And I'm a weathered, unreliable old rogue.

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I think you're lovely.

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You're too good for me, Jean.

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Anyone can see that.

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Best I could hope for is to be your friend.

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Just friends, then?

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I think it's for the best, Jean.

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Yeah, and then Shelly, now Shelly is three, comes up to me at playgroup and says "Whitney"

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I went, "Yeah?"

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She goes, "I can't really do it today, I feel really fragile".

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Fragile, how cute is that?

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How clever are they, eh?

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I know, probably got it off her mum or the telly or something.

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So, you're doing really good?

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Yeah, I'm doing all right.

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No, you are, I can see it, man.

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I bet they love you.

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-Are you good?

-Yeah, yeah. How them Dodgers going?

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-What you talking about?

-Wears the hat, don't even follow baseball.

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Oh, I see. You want a drink?

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Oh, yeah, I'll have one of these delicious little fruity numbers you're having.

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-You like them too?

-Mate. Pint.

-All right, cool. Same again?

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You all right, Whit?

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-Yeah.

-You got your hair down.

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-Yeah.

-No, it's nice.

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-I like it like that.

-Yeah.

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You wearing it?

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Yeah.

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Only if you want to.

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Yeah, I do want to.

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Yeah, so that was a pint and some orange thing...

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Hey, hey, be nice, will ya?

0:16:380:16:41

-Wouldn't want anything to slip to your hubby, would we?

-Hubby's gone, mate. You're fresh out of leverage.

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-Here, where do I know him from?

-You don't.

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Tuesday I was out in Shoreditch, and this guy goosed me on the dance floor. Yeah, that's him.

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You don't know him.

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It's you, innit? R&Rs, yeah.

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He was proper giving you the eye.

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-So what, you and him?

-Kim, will you shut up just for five minutes?

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Listen, don't take it out on me, you know, cos you've got a hangover.

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Might give it a crack, myself.

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-What makes you think that?

-Just something in the way you walk.

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I've been trying to figure it out for ages.

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You were a soldier, yeah?

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-I was a copper.

-So you can handle yourself, then.

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-Excuse me.

-I mean, Physically.

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-I do all right, darling.

-Excuse me.

-I'll leave you to it.

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-You all right, Ian?

-Yeah.

-Good one.

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What was that all about?

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None of your business.

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I thought we could go for a drive or something.

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What, nice family car, flask of tea, little tartan rug for me legs?

0:17:480:17:53

Actually I got us a nice bottle of wine. 20 quid, this cost.

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-Painting my nails.

-You did them earlier!

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Colour didn't work out. Maybe another time, eh?

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She takes Yasmin to Pakistan, we might as well just give up.

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You think things are hard for us here? Over there we might as well not exist. And Dad...

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In 20 minutes he goes from, "Syed and Christian are good people"

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to, "You're right, we should burn them alive".

0:18:220:18:24

I think we should go brown.

0:18:240:18:27

-Sorry, what are you talking about?

-The walls. Get rid of that paper.

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I don't care about the walls! Amira might be taking my daughter to Pakistan.

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-All you care about is the paintjob.

-You think that's it, Sy?

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You think with all this going on that's what I care about,

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the colour of the walls? Are you an idiot?

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This is our home! The only concrete thing

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we have, and I will not let her use that, or our lifestyle against us.

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-She wouldn't do that.

-Oh, really.

0:18:510:18:54

Look, Sy, I saw you.

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When that baby cried out, it was like you were being physically pulled into that house.

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You've got this look about you.

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-She's my daughter.

-I know.

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And it's a look you never had

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when we were trying to adopt.

0:19:150:19:18

I'm worried if it comes down to a choice between Yasmin and me...

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-It won't.

-Well, if it does...

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You and me.

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These are Premier League approved.

0:19:320:19:34

-Even that West Ham one, yeah?

-Champions next season.

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-Go on then.

-Anthony will panic if you're late.

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Here, Kat, Mark here right...

0:19:390:19:41

I believe he's going to buy some of my genuine approved merchandise.

0:19:410:19:44

-Sadly, he's a Spurs fan, but a sale's a sale, all right.

-Hope you go down next season, an' all.

0:19:440:19:49

Listen to him! We will be champions of Europe before you know it.

0:19:490:19:53

Oh, listen, I forgot my phone, I better go and get it.

0:19:530:19:55

I'm cutting it a bit fine, but I'll catch you later. See you later. Bye.

0:19:550:19:59

-Hadn't gone after all.

-He's my husband.

0:19:590:20:01

Did he know where you was last night?

0:20:010:20:04

You think you can come in here, into my pub, and blackmail me?

0:20:060:20:09

Who said anything about blackmail?

0:20:090:20:11

-I'm enjoying a quiet drink.

-And it's your last.

0:20:110:20:14

Here we go, another scotch and dry. Large.

0:20:140:20:19

On the house. Don't say we don't look after you.

0:20:190:20:21

Don't even like baseball and you go around with that hat.

0:20:250:20:28

-Yeah, I thought we'd covered that, man.

-Well, look, no,

0:20:280:20:31

I put on an Orient shirt because I love Orient.

0:20:310:20:33

But it's not the same thing.

0:20:330:20:35

What is the stickers about?

0:20:350:20:37

Yes! The stickers! Ain't you meant to take them...

0:20:370:20:39

-Eh, easy, bruv, all right? Look, do you want another pint?

-Mate, I've hardly started this one.

0:20:390:20:46

Keep up.

0:20:460:20:48

-I got twice as much in here.

-(MIMICS) I got twice as much in here.

0:20:480:20:53

I might just kick out, anyway.

0:20:530:20:56

-You are so getting out-drunk by a girl.

-Woah. What about them drinks?

0:20:560:21:00

Yeah, sorry, guys, man. Got to chase a few leads and that.

0:21:000:21:03

Always be closing, you know me.

0:21:030:21:06

I'll be back in a minute.

0:21:060:21:08

Fats.

0:21:110:21:13

-You all right?

-We're supposed to be mates, yeah?

-We are.

0:21:130:21:17

Well, I'm there, buying her drinks and her hair's all down and that and you know, I think I'm in there.

0:21:170:21:22

But no. Tyler Moon swoons in and does it again.

0:21:220:21:25

Look, it's not like that, all right?

0:21:250:21:26

-Whatever.

-We ain't even done anything yet. I was going to tell you soon as.

0:21:260:21:31

You going to be all right with it?

0:21:310:21:33

Yeah, bruv. all good.

0:21:350:21:36

Cos if you're not, I'll end it.

0:21:360:21:41

-For real?

-For real.

0:21:410:21:44

-You don't want to do that.

-Course I don't. You know her.

-Yeah.

0:21:440:21:49

But I will.

0:21:490:21:51

Gangster! Champagne's ready.

0:21:510:21:55

You know what, Kimberley?

0:21:550:21:57

Give it to my brother here, all right. Enjoy, bruv.

0:21:570:22:01

No worries.

0:22:020:22:04

RINGTONE PLAYS

0:22:080:22:10

Anthony! Yes, I can see the ground from here.

0:22:100:22:13

I'm practically 30 seconds away, so...

0:22:130:22:17

JEAN GROANS

0:22:170:22:18

I'll call you back.

0:22:180:22:20

You all right?

0:22:220:22:24

Yes, thanks, Alfie. Fine.

0:22:240:22:26

All fine here.

0:22:260:22:28

Listen, I'm really sorry about the Norman thing, all right? We just don't have the room.

0:22:280:22:32

-Oh, it's not Norman. Norman's fine. We're going to be friends.

-Right.

0:22:320:22:37

-So...

-So...

0:22:370:22:38

I take my tablets, every day.

0:22:400:22:43

I talk with the doctor to keep the levels right, so I don't veer up and down like I used to.

0:22:430:22:49

But that's better, yeah?

0:22:540:22:56

Course it is. Much better.

0:22:560:22:58

It's so much better that I think I've got it under control.

0:22:580:23:04

But I haven't, Alfie. I think I have,

0:23:040:23:07

I think that me and Norman have got something special...

0:23:070:23:12

-Zing.

-Yeah, that's it. Zing!

0:23:120:23:14

I think we've got zing.

0:23:140:23:16

Wrong again, Jean.

0:23:160:23:19

Thought you were so clever, didn't you, Jean?

0:23:190:23:22

Thought you were doing so well without Stacey. Without Sean.

0:23:220:23:27

But you're not.

0:23:270:23:29

You're just walking through a fog you didn't even know was there.

0:23:310:23:36

Come here. Come on.

0:23:430:23:46

JEAN SOBS

0:23:460:23:48

-I have to fight just to get through every day, Alfie.

-I know. I know.

0:23:510:23:59

And still I lose.

0:23:590:24:01

I still...

0:24:010:24:03

I still get it wrong.

0:24:030:24:06

Oi, oi, oi. Come on, it's all right.

0:24:080:24:11

It's all right.

0:24:140:24:16

Do you fancy an ice cream?

0:24:170:24:19

Yeah? Come on.

0:24:190:24:24

Come on, don't be like that.

0:24:270:24:29

You was a mistake. A tiny, tiny mistake.

0:24:290:24:32

I want you to pack up and go home. If I see you near here again...

0:24:320:24:35

What you going to do, eh?

0:24:350:24:38

Rabbit.

0:24:380:24:39

This gentleman here would like to join you on a pub crawl.

0:24:390:24:42

All right, let's take him with us.

0:24:420:24:44

Your problem is you've forgotten where you are.

0:24:440:24:46

This is the Queen Victoria public house,

0:24:460:24:49

and I make the rules, and you're gone, sweetheart.

0:24:490:24:55

You have a nice day!

0:24:550:24:56

-I've been thinking. What are you like with numbers?

-I was a times-tables champion at school.

0:25:030:25:09

Fantastic. See, right, I am looking for a bookkeeper for the Vic.

0:25:090:25:13

Kat can't count past her fingers and Mo, well, she's just a thief.

0:25:130:25:17

So, you interested?

0:25:170:25:19

Yes, I can tell by the smile! Of course you are.

0:25:190:25:23

Good girl

0:25:230:25:25

No-o-o-o! What?!

0:25:250:25:28

Hey, Mr Hotrod! What's all this then?

0:25:280:25:31

Man's entitled to an upgrade, ain't he?

0:25:310:25:33

Listen, my heart belongs to the black beauty over there but this...

0:25:330:25:37

-My word.

-Changed your mind about a drive, have you?

0:25:370:25:41

Yes! Oh, yes!

0:25:410:25:44

Right, you'll be needing that then. What do you think, Branning?

0:25:440:25:48

What's that, Meat Loaf?

0:25:480:25:50

-Yours?

-Oh, yes.

0:25:520:25:54

-You're so sneaky.

-I do all right, darling.

0:25:540:25:58

Drive safely. Look how fast it goes. He's a nutter!

0:25:580:26:02

-Who was that?

-If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Come on, lick?

0:26:020:26:06

-No, it's too cold for it.

-The best ones always are.

0:26:060:26:09

Nan's on her way back with Tommy and Shenice. She's got the trots.

0:26:100:26:14

-No, Shenice.

-Here, come on.

0:26:160:26:19

Come here.

0:26:190:26:21

Two favourite girls. Let's enjoy this moment, eh? Yeah?

0:26:210:26:24

Yeah.

0:26:240:26:27

Christian?

0:26:270:26:29

I told you, babe, if we're going out, I need a little kip.

0:26:290:26:33

All right, I'll leave you to it.

0:26:330:26:35

Hey, you know that bedding? It's fine.

0:26:380:26:41

-Well, we can change it if you want to.

-No.

0:26:430:26:45

-You know, you're a good man.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:26:470:26:51

Got a wife and a kid,

0:26:510:26:54

and you put me first.

0:26:540:26:57

And I love you for it.

0:26:570:27:00

I love you too.

0:27:000:27:02

We'll get there eventually.

0:27:020:27:04

-Pop in anytime.

-We will.

0:27:170:27:19

-Please.

-Thank you. Bye, everyone!

0:27:190:27:24

Not quite the day I imagined.

0:27:270:27:29

-York Way, near King's Cross, please.

-Amira.

0:27:330:27:36

Can I hold her?

0:27:520:27:54

Please.

0:28:000:28:02

Hello! Hello.

0:28:080:28:12

Oh, she's... She's...

0:28:180:28:22

I know.

0:28:220:28:23

We made her, Syed.

0:28:250:28:28

You and me.

0:28:290:28:31

PHONE RINGS

0:28:370:28:39

Hello, Queen Vic?

0:28:400:28:42

I thought I told you to leave me alone.

0:28:440:28:46

-Ah!

-Where've you been?!

-Close your eyes.

0:28:490:28:51

-Close your eyes, no peeking.

-What have you done?

0:28:510:28:54

Never you mind. Keep them closed. I'll tell you when. Not yet.

0:28:540:28:57

Right. Open.

0:28:570:28:59

What do you reckon?

0:29:000:29:02

It's a summer dress.

0:29:020:29:03

Where we're going, it is summer.

0:29:030:29:05

Alfie, what have you done?

0:29:050:29:07

Apparently, in Funchal, it was 76 degrees yesterday.

0:29:070:29:10

So I kind of call that summer.

0:29:100:29:13

Tomorrow, we fly out from Luton airport. Bring it on!

0:29:130:29:16

-Alfie!

-Now this is a size ten. I don't think it'll fit me.

0:29:160:29:19

Give me two minutes, all right?

0:29:190:29:20

-Right, come on!

-PHONE RINGS

0:29:200:29:22

Don't answer it. It's telesales. They've been driving me nuts all morning.

0:29:220:29:27

Nah, it'll be all right.

0:29:290:29:31

Hello?

0:29:330:29:34

You're through to the Queen Victoria, number one pub in London.

0:29:360:29:40

If you'd like a pint of bitter, press one.

0:29:400:29:43

If you'd like to ogle our barmaids, press two.

0:29:430:29:46

Or if you'd like a punch-up, just press three. Beep!

0:29:460:29:49

THEY LAUGH

0:29:500:29:52

Right, Sheila, get the dress on now, before I get angry. Come on!

0:29:520:29:55

-You're not going to the solicitor's now are you?

-I told you.

0:29:550:30:00

But I've got a client at the gym in 20 minutes.

0:30:000:30:02

I can hardly change the appointment.

0:30:020:30:04

-All right. Tell me all about it when you get home, yeah?

-Yeah.

-See you.

0:30:040:30:08

Oh, Ian, that is so you!

0:30:180:30:21

This, right, is called, repairing the damage.

0:30:210:30:24

-Sorry?

-Gordon Baggs invited me for a game. I could hardly say no.

0:30:240:30:28

-I thought you'd been chucked out of that W...

-CCT, yeah. I have been chucked out.

0:30:280:30:32

But hopefully, by the end of this morning, I'll have been chucked back in.

0:30:320:30:35

-Can I come?

-No. You don't play golf.

0:30:350:30:38

Yeah, and I don't suppose that stops YOU.

0:30:380:30:41

I will be back by lunchtime.

0:30:410:30:43

OK. Well, don't go getting any more speeding tickets.

0:30:430:30:46

Is that meant to be funny?

0:30:460:30:48

Can I take the car for a spin when you get back?

0:30:480:30:51

Mandy, no, you can't! I've told you before, you're not insured, OK.

0:30:510:30:54

It's against the law.

0:30:540:30:56

Can't we break the law?

0:30:560:30:58

-Have you got any idea how much that car's worth?

-Mm-hm.

0:31:000:31:02

And that's what would make it so exciting.

0:31:020:31:07

Oh, come on, Ian. Don't you ever want to do something a little bit reckless?

0:31:070:31:10

Break the rules? Go over to the dark side?

0:31:100:31:14

Yeah, you've got a game of golf, love.

0:31:150:31:17

Um, I'm going to make myself a bacon sandwich, all right?

0:31:170:31:22

Make sure you clear up afterwards, yeah?

0:31:220:31:24

And I'm going to eat it all by myself.

0:31:240:31:27

Very, very, very slowly.

0:31:270:31:31

Oi! Clear off!

0:31:390:31:40

Ain't a car like this more hassle than it's worth?

0:31:450:31:48

I can see how it... might pull the birds.

0:31:480:31:51

This car is not about pulling the birds.

0:31:510:31:55

This car is about the engineering. It's about knowing if you're in a tight spot,

0:31:550:31:58

you can put your foot down, 0-60, eight seconds.

0:31:580:32:02

That is what this car is about.

0:32:020:32:04

Right. Nothing to do with showing off?

0:32:040:32:06

I don't need to show off.

0:32:080:32:09

# It's the final countdown... #

0:32:170:32:20

Look who it is!

0:32:430:32:45

It's Daddy!

0:32:450:32:47

Oh, look what he's got!

0:32:480:32:50

Mrs Moon, it says here that Winston Churchill used to love going on holiday to Madeira

0:32:530:32:57

to concentrate on his paintings.

0:32:570:33:00

I heard he was a dab hand at skirting boards.

0:33:000:33:02

Ha-ha! But what I was thinking, right...

0:33:020:33:06

Whooee-whooee! Woof-woof!

0:33:060:33:08

It's a bit, um, it's a bit small, isn't it?

0:33:080:33:11

Never in the field of human crumpet...

0:33:120:33:15

-What?

-..has so much been squeezed

0:33:150:33:18

into so little!

0:33:180:33:20

-THEY LAUGH

-Come on, I know you want me!

-Stop!

0:33:200:33:22

You want Mr Churchill! Yes, you do!

0:33:220:33:26

Come on, we've got the place to ourselves, haven't we?

0:33:260:33:29

Shenice is at school, little Tommy's out shopping with Jean

0:33:290:33:32

and Mo's probably doing some dodgy deal with Fat Elvis. Come on, it's just me and you!

0:33:320:33:37

# I know you want me I know you want me... #

0:33:370:33:39

PHONE RINGS

0:33:390:33:40

Don't worry about that. Come on, let's go! Get up them stairs!

0:33:400:33:44

Why didn't you tell me you'd had a baby?

0:33:510:33:53

Um, let me think.

0:33:530:33:56

Oh, I remember.

0:33:560:33:58

We just got married and you ran off with a man.

0:33:580:34:00

-She's so peaceful.

-Try saying that at 4am when she's woken up for the 15th time.

0:34:030:34:07

-Have you seen the bags under my eyes?

-What bags?

0:34:070:34:10

-I look terrible.

-You look OK to me.

0:34:100:34:12

I feel like a bag lady.

0:34:120:34:14

What?

0:34:160:34:17

You haven't changed.

0:34:200:34:21

Have you told Christian you're seeing me?

0:34:230:34:26

Seems like you haven't changed much either.

0:34:260:34:29

Ew!

0:34:300:34:32

Is this full fat?

0:34:320:34:34

I asked for a skinny latte.

0:34:340:34:35

Oh!

0:34:350:34:38

What's so funny?

0:34:400:34:42

Nothing.

0:34:420:34:44

It's good to see you.

0:34:450:34:47

It's good to see you, too.

0:34:490:34:51

So, why haven't you told him? Or can I guess?

0:34:540:34:58

-He thinks I'm seeing a solicitor.

-What about?

0:34:590:35:02

Access rights.

0:35:020:35:04

-What?

-Look, don't freak out, it won't come to that, but...

0:35:040:35:08

-You know, it would be good.

-What would?

0:35:080:35:11

If Christian and I could have her to stay. Maybe one afternoon a week.

0:35:110:35:17

Nuh-huh. There is no way I am letting that man anywhere my baby.

0:35:170:35:20

-It's not like she'll come to any harm.

-Syed, no!

0:35:200:35:23

Oh, come on, what did you expect?

0:35:240:35:27

I mean, it's not like you can't see her from time to time, like this.

0:35:270:35:31

BABY WAILS Oh! What's wrong? What's wrong?

0:35:310:35:35

-Are you getting hungry?

-(Hey. Hey, come here.)

0:35:350:35:38

Would you mind just holding her for a sec while I get some food?

0:35:380:35:41

BABY WAILS

0:35:410:35:44

(Hey!)

0:35:440:35:45

(Come on, Yas.)

0:35:460:35:48

(That's a girl.)

0:35:480:35:50

(Come on, baby.)

0:35:520:35:55

It was a bit like being propositioned by Minnie Mouse.

0:35:560:35:59

Jean came on to you?

0:35:590:36:01

It was a very strange conversation. Left me worried.

0:36:010:36:05

What? That you'd turn around and find you'd accidentally trodden on her?

0:36:050:36:09

So, tell me, what is the Jean Slater seduction technique?

0:36:100:36:14

She skipped that and went straight onto the "why don't we live together?" bit.

0:36:140:36:17

You know she's completely nuts.

0:36:170:36:19

What are you saying? She has to be, wanting to live with me?

0:36:190:36:23

No, really. She's got a condition.

0:36:230:36:26

It's not the condition that's the problem. Let's face it,

0:36:260:36:30

we all have our moments.

0:36:300:36:31

So what, then?

0:36:310:36:33

Well, let me put it this way, Pat - she hasn't got what you've got.

0:36:330:36:37

Norman, are you never going to stop asking?

0:36:380:36:41

-Are you never going to stop saying no?

-Norman...

0:36:410:36:43

Remember Frank's first rule of salesmanship?

0:36:430:36:45

"No" is the first step on the road to "yes".

0:36:450:36:48

And finally, Whitney.

0:36:520:36:53

"Like all Sagittarians, you have a tendency to worry too much.

0:36:550:36:59

"As though you're standing on the end of a springboard,

0:36:590:37:02

"frightened to take the plunge.

0:37:020:37:04

"But just for once, put your worries to one side.

0:37:040:37:08

"Come on in. The water's lovely."

0:37:080:37:11

-No need to guess what you two will be up to this afternoon.

-Lauren.

0:37:130:37:18

Right. Time to go make some money.

0:37:200:37:22

I'll see you later.

0:37:220:37:25

Yeah, see you later.

0:37:250:37:27

Right, what've I said?

0:37:350:37:38

-Whitney?

-I just wish you wouldn't say things like that.

0:37:380:37:40

-Like what?

-Just don't, all right.

0:37:400:37:43

You're saying you two haven't...?

0:37:430:37:46

Lauren, I don't want to talk about it, OK.

0:37:460:37:48

Right. Is this cos of the whole...Rob thing?

0:37:480:37:51

Why, when I say I don't want to talk about it, d'you just carry on?

0:37:510:37:55

Hey, hey, ladies. What's with the handbags?

0:37:550:37:57

I've got to go to work.

0:37:570:37:59

Right. Well, she just went for me.

0:38:030:38:06

Why?

0:38:060:38:07

She's hung up on the whole Tyler thing

0:38:070:38:10

-and cos of what happened last spring.

-Come on, you know what I mean?

0:38:100:38:14

Tyler's gorgeous. I wouldn't think twice.

0:38:140:38:16

Right. What have I said now?

0:38:190:38:22

Uh... Fats.

0:38:270:38:30

Why do you always go for the ones you can't have?

0:38:300:38:33

# Let's all sing like the birdies sing

0:38:360:38:38

# Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet

0:38:380:38:40

# Let's all sing like the birdies sing

0:38:400:38:43

# Sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet

0:38:430:38:45

# Let's all warble like nightingales

0:38:450:38:48

# Give your throat a treat

0:38:480:38:51

# Take your time from the birds now you all know your words

0:38:510:38:54

# Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet... #

0:38:540:38:56

Am I late?

0:38:560:38:57

No, we just started early. Actually, it's good you're here.

0:38:570:39:00

I think you know Roxy, don't you?

0:39:000:39:02

Vaguely.

0:39:030:39:05

-I think she might be a little bit shy.

-Roxy? Shy?

0:39:050:39:09

Could you go and have a word? Try and make her feel a bit more at home?

0:39:090:39:12

Yeah. All right?

0:39:120:39:15

All right. Just been sent over here?

0:39:150:39:18

-No.

-No? Looked like it.

0:39:180:39:20

You kind of do look a bit all on your own.

0:39:200:39:23

Ah. It's called "on purpose", Whitney.

0:39:230:39:25

-Come on, join in, it's fun.

-Can I ask you a question?

0:39:250:39:29

Do you really want to do this for a living?

0:39:290:39:32

Yeah, that's the plan.

0:39:320:39:35

So you'd be here, like, everyday?

0:39:350:39:37

Yeah. Five days a week.

0:39:370:39:38

-Why?

-Cos I like kids.

0:39:380:39:40

Whitney? What's all this about you and Tyler Moon?

0:39:410:39:46

'After 50 years of living together,

0:39:510:39:53

'can you agree on which item will bring the biggest profit?'

0:39:530:39:57

SMOKE ALARMS BEEPS

0:39:570:40:00

Oh! Oh!

0:40:010:40:03

Oh! Come on!

0:40:130:40:15

Jack!

0:40:440:40:45

Come here.

0:40:460:40:48

-What's wrong?

-It's the smoke alarm. I can't turn it off.

0:40:500:40:52

Listen, Fats, I'm not doing anything today.

0:40:580:41:02

-So?

-So, if you're feeling a bit,

0:41:020:41:05

I dunno, about the whole Whitney thing,

0:41:050:41:07

maybe we could hang out if you like.

0:41:070:41:09

-As friends, I mean.

-Friends?

0:41:090:41:11

Better than us both being alone and feeling miserable, isn't it?

0:41:110:41:14

-Hold tight. So what you telling me? You pity me now?

-No!

0:41:140:41:18

You know what, Lauren, I got work, yeah. Maybe tomorrow or something.

0:41:180:41:22

-We'll fix something up, then, yeah?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah...

0:41:220:41:25

You weren't pushing the button hard enough.

0:41:360:41:38

Really? Not like me.

0:41:380:41:41

Well, I'm a weak and helpless woman

0:41:420:41:45

that just needs a big, strong man to come and rescue me.

0:41:450:41:47

Since when has Ian Beale been big and strong?

0:41:470:41:49

I wasn't talking about Ian. Fancy a coffee?

0:41:490:41:52

SYED MIMICS AEROPLANE DRONE

0:41:550:41:57

Sorry to break up the party, but we really should be heading back.

0:42:010:42:05

Dad'll be wondering where I am.

0:42:050:42:08

How's it been? Living with him?

0:42:080:42:11

Oh. Dad's OK. I could do without the wagging tongues, though.

0:42:110:42:15

Wagging tongues?

0:42:150:42:16

You know, the looks. The whispers.

0:42:160:42:18

"Couldn't keep a husband, poor girl. She turned him gay," you know.

0:42:180:42:23

I can't get over how lovely she is.

0:42:310:42:33

-D'you want me to take a picture?

-Yeah.

0:42:360:42:39

Listen, I've been doing some sums, working out how much I can afford.

0:42:420:42:45

-No need. Dad looks after us.

-I want to help.

0:42:450:42:47

SHE SIGHS

0:42:470:42:50

What?

0:42:500:42:51

It's just I don't have many friends.

0:42:510:42:54

You know, real friends.

0:42:540:42:56

It's good to have someone to talk to.

0:42:570:42:59

Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of the three of us?

0:43:030:43:05

-The three of us?

-I want to be in it too.

0:43:050:43:08

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

0:43:140:43:15

So, are we going to do this again?

0:43:190:43:21

Yeah.

0:43:290:43:30

Only I don't want to lie.

0:43:330:43:34

So I've decided.

0:43:350:43:37

I'm going to tell Christian.

0:43:370:43:39

The minute I get back.

0:43:400:43:41

He won't like it, but it's better he hears now than later on.

0:43:410:43:45

I'm not going to change my mind about him seeing her.

0:43:450:43:49

I'll sort it.

0:43:520:43:54

I've never really been one to join in the club, you know what I mean?

0:43:540:43:57

That's not so uncommon.

0:43:570:43:58

You know that we run a single parents' support group on Wednesdays?

0:43:580:44:02

No, no, no, I don't need a single parents' support group. Cheers.

0:44:020:44:05

Right. What, then?

0:44:050:44:08

It's just when I see all these women and their perfect smiles

0:44:080:44:13

and their perfect children

0:44:130:44:15

and their little birds that go "tweet, tweet, tweet"

0:44:150:44:18

something inside of me just wants to scream.

0:44:180:44:21

Does that make me such a bad person?

0:44:210:44:23

No. I know that being a parent can sometimes be...

0:44:230:44:25

No. It's not your fault. Don't take it personally, OK.

0:44:250:44:29

Don't take it personally, but when I come here

0:44:290:44:32

it is literally like aliens have landed, they've taken over

0:44:320:44:36

and nobody knows about it but me.

0:44:360:44:38

Amy! Shall we get you a big, fat lolly?

0:44:400:44:42

We're going to stick you in front of the telly for the rest of the day.

0:44:420:44:45

Ian Beale is so transparent.

0:44:530:44:55

He gets himself sort of gold-digging bimbo for a girlfriend

0:44:550:44:58

and the next thing, he's got a ridiculous sports car

0:44:580:45:01

-parked outside his house.

-You're hardly one to talk.

0:45:010:45:04

Of course, I'm sorry, I'm forgetting.

0:45:040:45:06

You're the loyal, devoted mother and wife these days, aren't you?

0:45:060:45:10

Ah, Mrs Moon, if you'd care to come upstairs,

0:45:150:45:18

where lunch is now being served.

0:45:180:45:21

We have beans a la Moon, poached in their own rich tomato sauce,

0:45:210:45:26

and drizzled over slightly buttered pain grille.

0:45:260:45:30

That's medium toast to you, darling.

0:45:300:45:32

Kat?

0:45:340:45:35

Sorry.

0:45:360:45:38

-What's the matter? I thought we were having a real nice day.

-We are.

0:45:380:45:42

I'm just a bit premenstrual.

0:45:450:45:47

I'll be all right in a minute.

0:45:470:45:48

OK. Is there something you're not telling me?

0:45:480:45:54

Just that I love you.

0:45:560:45:59

I don't tell you enough, do I?

0:45:590:46:01

-Come here.

-Beans are going to get cold.

0:46:030:46:05

Come here.

0:46:050:46:06

You got the heating on in the bedroom?

0:46:140:46:16

-When I need your advice, I'll ask for it.

-Have you tidied the bathroom?

0:46:160:46:19

-Why would I do that?

-Do you want her to think you're a total slob?

0:46:190:46:22

-Breathe out.

-Why?

-Just do it.

0:46:220:46:25

Hmm... Well, er, most important thing.

0:46:290:46:32

Will you stop fussing? It's not like I've not done this before.

0:46:320:46:35

Why you so nervous, then?

0:46:350:46:37

This has got to go right.

0:46:400:46:41

Too many false starts.

0:46:410:46:43

I want it to be perfect.

0:46:460:46:47

Look, just relax, yeah? Be yourself.

0:46:470:46:49

Tell me everything when I get back, all right? Have fun. Enjoy it!

0:46:500:46:54

Fancy another?

0:47:040:47:06

Nah, I better go.

0:47:060:47:08

You're a right barrel of laughs, you, ain't ya?

0:47:080:47:11

Well, I've just been to see my wife. In prison.

0:47:110:47:13

So that might have something to do with it.

0:47:130:47:16

How'd it go?

0:47:160:47:17

Yeah, not too good. Seeing as she wouldn't even see me, so...

0:47:170:47:21

Come on, stay for another. See if I can't find you some biccies.

0:47:210:47:26

Why do you want me here, anyway?

0:47:260:47:29

The look on Ian's face, I guess.

0:47:310:47:33

See you later.

0:47:350:47:36

Listen, I am sorry about your wife. Come here.

0:47:380:47:42

MUSIC BLARES FROM IAN'S CAR

0:47:500:47:52

Do you really think that is the kind of thing to impress a girl?

0:47:590:48:02

Pat, this is about me. OK? It's got nothing to do with Mandy.

0:48:020:48:06

I've wanted one of these for ages.

0:48:060:48:08

What would your mum say if she was still with us?

0:48:080:48:10

I think she'd be proud. She'd be impressed.

0:48:100:48:13

Oh, Ian.

0:48:130:48:14

If it makes me happy, what is wrong with that?

0:48:140:48:17

Pah!

0:48:170:48:18

If you go round, sit behind the wheel, see how it fits, bruv.

0:48:260:48:29

TV SWITCHES ON

0:48:590:49:01

FRONT DOOR OPENS

0:49:010:49:03

Hi, sweetheart. How'd you get on?

0:49:030:49:06

-What was he doing here?

-Sorry?

-You know what I'm talking about.

0:49:060:49:12

How was golf? Did you win?

0:49:120:49:14

What the hell was he doing here?!

0:49:140:49:16

I'm not going to talk to you if you use that tone of voice with me.

0:49:160:49:19

-I asked you a question!

-SWITCHES TV OFF

0:49:190:49:21

Yeah, go on.

0:49:210:49:22

I like it when you get all fierce.

0:49:220:49:24

And if you wasn't such a shrimp, I'd almost find it sexy.

0:49:240:49:27

Well, come on! Say something!

0:49:270:49:30

What is stopping you?!

0:49:310:49:33

All this stuff starts flying out my mouth

0:49:450:49:47

and I'm like, "Did I really just say that?!" I can't go back there!

0:49:470:49:50

I think it's hilarious.

0:49:500:49:51

Please don't, Christian, don't! I'm going to be one of those bad mums that you read about.

0:49:510:49:56

She's going to grow up resenting me, I'm going to resent her back,

0:49:560:49:59

and then when she's pregnant or in borstal, they're going to say it was my fault.

0:49:590:50:03

I tell you what. Instead of going home and getting fed up and bored,

0:50:030:50:06

why don't I take my two favourite ladies for a little bit of fun?

0:50:060:50:09

You are so sweet.

0:50:090:50:11

I know.

0:50:110:50:12

-Cheers.

-Hello.

0:50:150:50:16

All right?

0:50:160:50:18

What?

0:50:180:50:19

-You know Ian's taken up with this Mandy?

-Yeah. What about it?

0:50:210:50:24

Strange girl, ain't she?

0:50:240:50:27

If the smoke alarm hadn't gone off, he'd have never even been here.

0:50:270:50:30

Why would I even look at another man when you've been so good to me?

0:50:300:50:35

The mess in the kitchen!

0:50:350:50:37

You haven't even told me about the golf.

0:50:370:50:39

I lost on purpose.

0:50:390:50:41

So are they going to invite you back?

0:50:410:50:43

Is Ian going to be a respectable member of the WCCT again?

0:50:430:50:48

Why do you do it, Mandy?

0:50:480:50:50

Is this all deliberate?

0:50:520:50:54

Do you get some sort of weird kick out of winding me up? Is that it?

0:50:540:50:57

I'm just trying to be friendly here.

0:50:590:51:01

If you want to be friends,

0:51:010:51:03

how about clearing that mess up before I get downstairs?

0:51:030:51:06

-Where are you going?

-To get changed.

0:51:070:51:09

Not out of your sweater, surely?

0:51:090:51:12

Not when you look so irresistible.

0:51:120:51:15

-You all right?

-You all right, Fats? You got the time?

0:51:180:51:22

-Yeah. 1.20pm, bruv.

-Fingers crossed, then.

0:51:220:51:25

What's that about?

0:51:250:51:27

My brother and his bird.

0:51:270:51:28

Let's hope he gets it right this time.

0:51:280:51:31

Yeah.

0:51:320:51:33

What you doing?

0:51:500:51:51

Just making it...romantic.

0:51:530:51:56

Oh.

0:51:570:51:59

What sort of music do you like?

0:51:590:52:00

You choose.

0:52:000:52:02

# I want to get with you

0:52:070:52:10

# I see you in the club You showing thugs love

0:52:100:52:14

# I want to get with you... #

0:52:140:52:16

So... "Come on in. The water's lovely."

0:52:160:52:19

You nervous?

0:52:230:52:24

-Yeah.

-Me too.

0:52:250:52:27

That's why I bought this.

0:52:290:52:30

No, I'd rather not.

0:52:330:52:35

-Come on, it'll loosen you up.

-I don't need loosening up.

0:52:350:52:38

I think you do. I think we both do.

0:52:380:52:40

I'll get a couple of glasses.

0:52:420:52:43

Why do you want to get me bladdered?

0:52:550:52:57

-I never said I did.

-Well, what's with the vodka?

0:52:570:53:00

Like I say, just to relax us a bit.

0:53:000:53:03

Come on.

0:53:030:53:05

What have I done?

0:53:230:53:24

It's not you.

0:53:250:53:26

I thought we liked each other. Or have I got that wrong?

0:53:260:53:29

So what's the problem?

0:53:290:53:31

Please don't touch me.

0:53:310:53:33

What am I supposed to have done?

0:53:330:53:35

Is it the music?

0:53:350:53:36

SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

0:53:370:53:39

-Do you want the curtains open?

-I need to go home.

0:53:390:53:41

Is it cos you think someone's going to come in?

0:53:410:53:43

-I really don't want to do this any more.

-OK, but...

0:53:430:53:45

I can do what I want, all right!

0:53:450:53:47

Would you rather go upstairs?

0:53:470:53:50

No! No.

0:53:500:53:52

Is it cos it reminds ya?

0:53:540:53:55

Sorry? Of what?

0:53:550:53:58

It's not like I'm a punter. I respect you.

0:53:580:54:01

It looks like it.

0:54:010:54:03

I think you're fantastic and if you'd rather do this another time...

0:54:030:54:06

I'm sorry, I don't need to hear this.

0:54:060:54:10

Whitney, please. I didn't mean anything by it.

0:54:290:54:32

Just go away! I don't want to be anywhere near you any more.

0:54:320:54:38

Come on, Uncle Christian. Oh! He did it!

0:54:550:54:58

Uncle Christian's so clever!

0:54:580:55:00

-Look who's home!

-All right, Syed, want to join in?

0:55:000:55:03

Yeah, in a minute, maybe.

0:55:030:55:05

So, come on, then.

0:55:050:55:07

-How was the solicitor?

-Fine.

0:55:070:55:11

Come on, let's try another one. See if I can do it. Ready?

0:55:150:55:18

For the inspection of my lord and master.

0:55:250:55:29

All right.

0:55:290:55:32

Now get yourself upstairs.

0:55:320:55:33

-You what?

-Mandy, it's not like I don't realise what you're up to.

0:55:330:55:38

And what am I up to exactly?

0:55:390:55:42

Get upstairs. Get undressed.

0:55:420:55:44

-What do you think I am?

-Mandy, I know what you are.

0:55:450:55:48

Mandy!

0:56:000:56:01

-Mandy. Mandy!

-You want to know what I think about your damned car?

0:56:010:56:07

-Oh, wow!

-Mandy!

0:56:070:56:09

Everybody! Outside now! You do not want to miss this.

0:56:100:56:14

Mandy, please! Stop it!

0:56:140:56:16

Mandy, no!

0:56:160:56:17

Mandy, please don't do this! This is ridiculous!

0:56:170:56:20

Come on, look, I'm sorry!

0:56:200:56:22

-Get away!

-All right, all right.

0:56:220:56:24

-Fabulous.

-Mandy, for goodness sake!

0:56:240:56:27

Come on Mandy, please just stop it. No!

0:56:270:56:29

It's not my car. Yeah, I rented it.

0:56:290:56:35

Well, in that case...

0:56:350:56:37

Mandy, come on, don't you think you've done enough?!

0:56:370:56:39

No, Mandy please, no!

0:56:390:56:41

EVERYONE GASPS

0:56:410:56:43

That...that was fantastic.

0:56:430:56:48

-Girls! What are you doing? Come on!

-Alfie, you got to watch this.

0:57:010:57:04

-It's so funny.

-Kat. We got packing to do. Come on.

0:57:040:57:06

Only take a minute. Watch.

0:57:060:57:07

-Where d'you get this from, then?

-Liam sent it to us.

0:57:110:57:15

Wait till you see Ian's face.

0:57:170:57:19

That's brilliant. Right, come on, packing to do.

0:57:260:57:29

Shenice, come on, chop chop. Move. Don't be pulling faces, come on. Run.

0:57:290:57:33

Up the stairs now. Keep going. Go, go, go!

0:57:330:57:34

IAN BEALE VIDEO PLAYS

0:57:440:57:47

Right.

0:57:470:57:48

Did Oscar get off to nursery all right?

0:57:480:57:50

-Yeah. Mum, come have a look at this.

-No, I can't, darling.

0:57:500:57:54

-I need you to do me a favour.

-Yeah?

0:57:540:57:56

Yeah, I've got a rep coming in today.

0:57:560:57:58

Only Gaynor's away and I just, I don't trust Jodie or Poppy to deal with her.

0:57:580:58:03

-So you want me to?

-No, I want you to go over to Roxy's and ask her.

0:58:030:58:06

-Can't you just call her?

-No, because...

0:58:060:58:09

she'll just be all snotty with me, Lauren, and I...

0:58:090:58:12

I just can't face it today.

0:58:120:58:15

Oh, Mum...Come here.

0:58:150:58:19

I'm sorry, I dunno what's the matter with me.

0:58:190:58:22

I didn't feel half this bad yesterday.

0:58:220:58:24

-You're bound to have ups and downs, ain't you?

-Yeah.

0:58:240:58:27

-CAR HORN

-That'll be my taxi.

0:58:270:58:29

I'd give anything not to have to go through this again this morning.

0:58:310:58:34

-Do you want me to come with you?

-No. No. You're going to go and see Roxy.

0:58:340:58:37

Where did I put the shopping list?

0:58:370:58:40

-Mum, I'll take care of that.

-Really? Are you sure?

0:58:410:58:44

Thank you, darling.

0:58:440:58:46

-Right, I'll see you in a bit.

-See you.

-Bye.

0:58:480:58:51

How long is she planning on staying, hmmm?

0:58:580:59:01

Shhh... I can't just chuck her out.

0:59:030:59:05

Besides, it'll only be for a day or two.

0:59:050:59:07

A day or two will turn into a week or two,

0:59:070:59:09

then a month or two and before you know it we'll have a lodger living with us full time, rent free.

0:59:090:59:13

A bit like you, really?

0:59:130:59:15

At least I don't prance around in my underwear.

0:59:150:59:18

What am I supposed to do?

0:59:180:59:21

I can't send her back to Ian and it's not like she's got anywhere else to go.

0:59:210:59:25

Listen, take the kids to school. I'll have a word with her, all right?

0:59:270:59:32

Right.

0:59:320:59:34

Kids! Come on, we're off!

0:59:360:59:38

-Why didn't she just ring me?

-Please. It'd get her out of a big jam and she'd be really grateful.

0:59:380:59:42

It is amazing how when your mother needs a favour her attitude changes, innit.

0:59:420:59:46

Please. She wouldn't ask if it weren't important.

0:59:460:59:50

OK, I'll tell you what, just take her to playgroup and I'll do it.

0:59:500:59:54

-What?

-She won't be a problem. She's got a bunch of snacks in the bag. If she's hungry just give her one.

0:59:540:59:59

-No. I've got a class at half eleven.

-It'll be well over by then. It's fine, you've got my number...

0:59:591:00:02

just call me if there's a problem. OK. I'll see you later, I'm gonna go and get changed. Bye!

1:00:021:00:09

Was you there yesterday?

1:00:161:00:18

No, but that's a weird way to pimp your car though.

1:00:181:00:21

Have you seen the video that's been going round? It's so funny.

1:00:211:00:24

Ah sorry. 'Scuse me, babe.

1:00:241:00:27

Kat, sweet, you don't have to tell everybody.

1:00:271:00:30

How would you feel if it was our car, eh?

1:00:301:00:32

This is Ian we're talking about here.

1:00:321:00:34

I know but the bloke's got feelings, all right.

1:00:341:00:36

Go and grab the kids' bags. I'm gonna grab something from the shop. yeah?

1:00:361:00:39

I know it's not much of a date but I was thinking maybe we could hang out together.

1:00:451:00:50

Take her to the swings or something.

1:00:501:00:53

I got work, you know, sweetness.

1:00:531:00:56

But we could hook up at lunchtime in the Vic?

1:00:561:00:58

Yeah?

1:00:581:01:00

What time shall we say? About one?

1:01:001:01:02

Yeah, I guess. See you then, OK.

1:01:021:01:05

BANGING ON DOOR Ian? Oh, there you are.

1:01:101:01:14

I just thought I'd come over and see if you were home before I bomb off on my holidays.

1:01:141:01:18

Are you all right? How's it going?

1:01:181:01:21

I'm as happy as Larry.

1:01:221:01:24

-Whoever Larry was.

-Have you... spoken to the car hire people though, yeah?

1:01:241:01:28

-What do you think?

-Yeah but you're covered by insurance, though, ain't you?

1:01:301:01:33

-Ian, what you doing? You gotta speak to the car hire people...

-I'll phone them when I'm ready, OK?

1:01:351:01:39

-Apparently, it's all over the Internet.

-Really?

1:01:411:01:46

I tell you what - why don't I stick the kettle on, have a cup of coffee, yeah? Give me a sec.

1:01:501:01:55

'I know what he'll do. He'll go straight to the police.'

1:01:551:02:00

-I've tried so hard to stay out of trouble.

-What were you thinking, Mandy?

-That it served him right.

1:02:001:02:05

-How come?

-Well, apparently because he's putting me up, I've got to sleep with him...

1:02:051:02:09

-on demand.

-Oh, Ian.

-Yeah, and he knows I've got nowhere else to go.

1:02:091:02:14

-What about your mum?

-What, the woman I haven't spoken to in over 15 years?

1:02:151:02:21

-The thing is, Mandy...

-Pat, couldn't you talk to him?

1:02:251:02:28

Y'know, stop him from going to the police?

1:02:281:02:30

Or if has, maybe get him to drop the charges?

1:02:301:02:32

-Well, I don't see how anything I might say would make a difference.

-Please?

1:02:321:02:37

Oh, and could you pick up a few of my things while you're there an' all?

1:02:391:02:44

And on top of all that I've lumbered myself going on a date with Fatboy this lunchtime.

1:02:441:02:48

Since when have you been going out with Fatboy?

1:02:481:02:50

I don't know. I felt sorry for him and now I'm stuck with it.

1:02:501:02:55

-Anyway, what about you?

-What about me?

1:02:551:02:58

-You and Tyler, yesterday.

-Yeah, it was all right.

1:02:591:03:03

All right's a long way from fantastic.

1:03:031:03:06

I don't really want to talk about it.

1:03:061:03:09

Oh, come here, Whit...

1:03:091:03:12

Maybe you could go on a date with Fatboy, then.

1:03:141:03:18

-Why not? You'd be good together.

-No! I'm not going out with Fatboy just to sort out your mess.

1:03:181:03:24

Shenice, you seen Alfie?

1:03:281:03:30

-No.

-Where is he? We should've left by now.

1:03:301:03:33

Got about two hours' kip last night.

1:03:341:03:37

Just lying there, thinking, imagining. You know.

1:03:371:03:40

All the things I should've said. All the things I should've done.

1:03:401:03:42

it's a good job she didn't stay here last night...

1:03:421:03:44

-Whoa, whoa, whoa...

-I'd have ended up on a murder charge.

1:03:441:03:46

-OK, you've got a right to be angry...

-I only got the damned car for her.

1:03:461:03:51

Just trying to make her happy.

1:03:511:03:53

What kicked it all off, then?

1:03:531:03:54

Wait till Jane hears about this. She'll laugh her head off.

1:03:561:04:00

No, no. Ian, this time next week it'll all be forgotten, mate.

1:04:001:04:02

Is it me?

1:04:051:04:07

It's not like this is the first time this has happened, is it?

1:04:071:04:12

Well. What do you reckon? Is it me?

1:04:121:04:15

-I dunno, mate.

-I tell you what, I'm through with women. All right.

1:04:161:04:20

-I don't need 'em. They're just a damned expense.

-I know you feel...

1:04:201:04:23

From now on it's just going to be me and Bobby. Just the two of us.

1:04:231:04:25

And to hell with everyone else...

1:04:251:04:27

What about school?

1:04:311:04:34

It's going to be all round the playground, innit?

1:04:341:04:37

The kid's going to hate me.

1:04:371:04:39

No, no. It'll be all right.

1:04:391:04:40

It IS me, innit?

1:04:421:04:48

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Ian?

1:04:481:04:50

Oh...

1:04:521:04:53

Pat, I'm...

1:04:531:04:56

I'm just talking to Alfie for a bit, all right?

1:04:561:04:59

Yeah. Course.

1:05:001:05:02

I'll come back another time.

1:05:021:05:05

-Listen, Ian...

-Alf.

1:05:091:05:12

I don't know what I'd have done without you this morning.

1:05:141:05:17

-Tommy's crying.

-In a minute!

-Why haven't we left yet?

1:05:221:05:26

Good question.

1:05:261:05:28

CAVALRY CHARGE RINGTONE

1:05:291:05:32

Gawd's sake!

1:05:361:05:38

-Right, come on then, what's the secret?

-Secret?

1:05:381:05:40

Yeah, you and Kat. You seem happy.

1:05:401:05:42

-You don't know the half of it.

-What? You telling me you're not?

1:05:421:05:45

No. Ian, if our relationship was based on happiness, me and Kat would've split up yonks ago.

1:05:451:05:49

All right, what then?

1:05:491:05:50

I dunno.

1:05:501:05:53

Yeah. Right. It's like yesterday, right.

1:05:531:05:54

Me and Kat, in the pub, having a right giggle and a gurgle. Like it used to be.

1:05:541:05:58

Bit of a laugh, even snuck upstairs for a bit of how's your father.

1:05:581:06:01

-And may I say, the how's your father was very good...

-Sounds all right.

1:06:011:06:05

But anyway I come down later to tell her lunch was ready and she started crying.

1:06:051:06:08

What's all that about? She said she was pre-menstrual, which is cobblers -

1:06:081:06:12

she finished her period last week, so that was a lie, wasn't it?

1:06:121:06:15

Did you pick her up on it? What, and have a row with her?

1:06:151:06:18

Trust me, mate, you cannot win a row with Kat Slater.

1:06:181:06:20

I spend half my time tip-toeing around her.

1:06:201:06:22

Technically, unless a woman is actually HAVING her period, she's always premenstrual.

1:06:221:06:27

-Think about it.

-Sounds about right.

1:06:271:06:30

Unless she's having an early menopause.

1:06:301:06:33

Nah.

1:06:331:06:34

You've gotta be careful around Kat... She's got...stuff.

1:06:361:06:40

I mean, we've all got stuff, but that girl has got a LOT of stuff.

1:06:401:06:45

You've got the Lynne stuff, the Zoe stuff, the Dad stuff, the Mum stuff...

1:06:471:06:51

you don't wanna go there... she won't even talk about it...

1:06:511:06:54

Uncle Harry stuff... Ronnie stuff, Michael stuff, baby Tommy...

1:06:541:06:58

course, you don't wanna go there either.

1:06:581:07:00

And of course, the miscarriage.

1:07:001:07:02

Which is what?

1:07:021:07:04

That's only top ten. Actually, that's nine.

1:07:041:07:07

Miscarriage?

1:07:081:07:10

Alf, I'm sorry, mate.

1:07:121:07:14

-It's all right. You don't mind if I don't talk about it?

-No, it's fine.

1:07:141:07:18

So come on, then, what about the Alfie stuff?

1:07:181:07:21

Oh, yeah, she's got the Alfie stuff going on as well.

1:07:211:07:23

-No, not her... you. Your stuff?

-Me?

1:07:231:07:26

I've got the Kat stuff, ain't I? Which is more than enough.

1:07:261:07:29

So how do you do it?

1:07:291:07:31

-How do I do what?

-How'd you cope with it all?

1:07:311:07:33

I just...

1:07:351:07:36

I just do, don't I?

1:07:361:07:38

I love her. I love her with all my heart.

1:07:401:07:44

I know it's not rational.

1:07:441:07:46

Thinking about it, no sane person would willingly take on Kat Slater.

1:07:461:07:50

But you knew what she was like before you got together.

1:07:521:07:56

Yeah, yeah, I knew she was trouble.

1:07:561:07:58

You've only got to spend two minutes with Kat to know that.

1:07:581:08:00

But I didn't quite realise how much trouble.

1:08:001:08:02

But I don't regret it, Ian.

1:08:041:08:06

Seriously, I wouldn't change a thing, mate. I must be mad.

1:08:071:08:14

You spend half your life, right, looking for the perfect woman, the person that'll answer all your needs.

1:08:171:08:23

-But you know what?

-What?

1:08:231:08:26

That person does not exist. Actually, that's not quite true

1:08:261:08:29

cos that person does exist but it's up here,

1:08:291:08:32

in your imagination.

1:08:321:08:34

What do you find so funny?

1:08:361:08:38

You are talking to a man who's been married four times.

1:08:381:08:43

-Yeah, I know.

-And I'm still looking.

1:08:431:08:46

I think we're both mad.

1:08:471:08:50

-So you don't know if he's phoned the police or not?

-He was practically crying. What was I supposed to do?

1:08:521:08:57

What, Ian? Crying?

1:08:571:08:59

This may come as a surprise to you, Mandy, but Ian's got a sensitive side. He always did have.

1:09:011:09:07

He'll drive you nuts with all that selfishness and stupidity, and then

1:09:071:09:11

he'll turn round suddenly and do something really kind and thoughtful when you least expect it.

1:09:111:09:17

D'you remember Ethel?

1:09:171:09:19

Yeah. What about her?

1:09:191:09:23

When she died, she didn't have two pennies to rub together.

1:09:231:09:26

Ian paid for the funeral. Big do. Must have cost him thousands.

1:09:261:09:29

He didn't even blink.

1:09:291:09:32

I could tell you a dozen stories like that.

1:09:321:09:35

Did you pick up my things?

1:09:371:09:39

No, Mandy, I did not pick up your things. Like I said, it wasn't the right moment.

1:09:401:09:44

All right, I feel bad now.

1:09:441:09:47

Not half as bad as him, I don't suppose.

1:09:471:09:52

I shouldn't've done it, should I?

1:09:521:09:54

Smashing up his car. I mean, why did I?

1:09:541:09:57

You tell me.

1:09:591:10:00

The thing is, Pat, when I meet a bloke and he's all keen,

1:10:031:10:10

I just end up thinking,

1:10:101:10:13

"Who is this idiot? What is he after?" It doesn't occur to me that he might actually like me.

1:10:131:10:19

I mean, who would?

1:10:211:10:23

But that's you, innit?

1:10:231:10:25

Do you think he does? Like me, I mean?

1:10:261:10:29

All Ian wants is to be loved.

1:10:311:10:33

That's the beginning and the end of it.

1:10:331:10:36

What's happened to the milk?

1:10:371:10:39

-Oh,...I'll go get some more.

-You're not even dressed yet.

1:10:391:10:45

-I can't wait.

-Pat?

-Yeah?

1:10:451:10:48

What do you think I should do?

1:10:491:10:50

I don't know, Mandy.

1:10:501:10:52

What do YOU think you should do?

1:10:521:10:54

'I thought she'd be grateful.'

1:10:591:11:01

Roof over her head.

1:11:011:11:03

Central heating. Three meals a day.

1:11:031:11:05

And she wouldn't have to work at that club any more.

1:11:051:11:07

This place's got to be better than where she was.

1:11:071:11:10

Only she weren't.

1:11:101:11:12

Grateful, I mean.

1:11:121:11:14

So, I thought, right, I know what I'll do, I'll try and impress her.

1:11:141:11:18

So I start taking her places, buying her things. That is the reason why I got that car.

1:11:181:11:24

But the more I tried, the less grateful she was.

1:11:271:11:31

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't like her so much.

1:11:311:11:36

She makes me smile.

1:11:381:11:40

Maybe it's not things she needs.

1:11:421:11:46

Thank you.

1:11:461:11:48

Oi! Don't ignore me like I don't exist or something.

1:11:551:11:59

Whitney?

1:12:061:12:08

Keep an eye on the stall, will you, darlin'?

1:12:101:12:13

Oh. Who are you?

1:12:151:12:17

Pat's putting me up for a bit.

1:12:171:12:19

-Is she around?

-Just popped out to get a pint of milk.

1:12:191:12:22

In that case, is it all right if I wait?

1:12:221:12:24

I thought yesterday,

1:12:271:12:30

if I could switch my life off like you switch off a light, I probably would.

1:12:301:12:35

-Is this to do with Tyler?

-No. It's not just his fault.

1:12:351:12:38

-Everyone thinks it.

-Thinks what?

1:12:381:12:40

Did he say something?

1:12:441:12:46

And you don't want to?

1:12:471:12:49

I can probably guess, darlin'. The thing is, I been where you are now.

1:12:511:12:56

Nobody's ever going to want me again. Yeah?

1:12:561:12:59

And then I met Roy.

1:13:011:13:04

All I'm saying is they do exist.

1:13:041:13:08

So where do I find my Roy?

1:13:081:13:10

Don't s'pose either of you two have seen Alfie, have you?

1:13:211:13:24

-He's at Ian's. Well, he was half hour ago.

-I'm going to skin him alive.

1:13:241:13:27

-Listen, Ian...

-Yeah, I know, you've gotta go.

1:13:271:13:32

-Yeah but I hate leaving you when you're like this though, mate.

-I'll be all right.

1:13:321:13:36

Not like I haven't been here before. I'll cope.

1:13:361:13:38

-BANGING ON DOOR

-Alfie, are you in there?

-I'm in here, sweetheart.

1:13:381:13:42

-We should be halfway to Luton by now.

-I should've called you.

1:13:441:13:46

Kat, don't blame him, OK? It was my fault.

1:13:461:13:51

-I'll get the kids. I'll be waiting in the car.

-Kat...

1:13:511:13:54

Don't be cross with him.

1:13:541:13:56

-Listen, you're not going to sit here and brood, are you?

-No, I've got plenty to do.

1:14:041:14:09

-Brilliant. That's the spirit, mate. You keep busy, all right?

-And you

1:14:091:14:13

have a good holiday, all right. And keep working at it. Never give up.

1:14:131:14:17

-See you, mate.

-See you, bud.

-Take care. See you later.

1:14:201:14:23

"BARGAIN HUNT" ON TV

1:14:341:14:37

Gone to milk the cow, has she?

1:14:421:14:44

So, Mandy, what do you do for a living?

1:14:491:14:52

I take my clothes off.

1:14:541:14:56

For men a little bit like you.

1:14:561:14:57

Oh... That's different.

1:14:591:15:03

Only now I'm going to go and put some on. Sorry.

1:15:041:15:08

Kat, what was I supposed to do, eh? The bloke was on the floor.

1:15:161:15:19

-I should've known you were probably doing something kind.

-It wasn't about kindness, it was more...

1:15:191:15:23

Come here...

1:15:231:15:24

What's all that about?

1:15:261:15:28

What have I done to deserve you, eh?

1:15:281:15:31

I love you. Come on. Let's go on holiday! Chop chop!

1:15:311:15:35

PHONE

1:15:471:15:49

Mandy!

1:15:491:15:51

Mandy, phone! Mandy?

1:15:511:15:54

Hello?

1:15:551:15:58

No, no, she's not here at the moment.

1:15:581:16:00

She should be back any minute.

1:16:001:16:03

No, I-I'm just a friend. FRONT DOOR CLOSES

1:16:031:16:05

Hang on, I think she's...Pat?

1:16:051:16:07

-What you doing here?

-Sorry... false alarm... Yeah, I can take a message.

1:16:071:16:13

Oh, right. Right, yeah, I'll pass that on.

1:16:141:16:18

-Bye now.

-Who's that?

-It was for Pat. Should be back any minute apparently.

1:16:181:16:22

-Right. So has Mandy gone, then?

-No, she's upstairs, getting dressed.

1:16:221:16:28

Oh, is she now?

1:16:281:16:30

Mandy? Mandy?!

1:16:301:16:33

Yeah?

1:16:331:16:34

Can I have a word with you, please? Has Pat spoken to you yet?

1:16:341:16:38

-What do you mean?

-So she hasn't, then?

-I don't understand.

1:16:381:16:43

Right, well, I'm afraid you're going to have to go, Mandy, cos there's not enough room here.

1:16:431:16:47

I know it's tough, but that is life and Pat and I, we discussed this earlier so it's not just me.

1:16:471:16:53

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

1:17:141:17:15

Mum? How was it?

1:17:151:17:18

-What's she doing here?

-Roxy's just dumped her on me, basically.

1:17:201:17:24

-I thought you had a class.

-Yeah, I did.

1:17:241:17:28

-So where's Roxy, then?

-Still at the salon.

1:17:281:17:32

-Did the rep not come?

-Yeah, but she said she was needed at the desk.

1:17:321:17:36

She said she'd pick her up by lunchtime but it's lunchtime now.

1:17:361:17:39

-Yeah but that's not fair on you, is it?

-Come and sit down and tell me how you're feeling.

1:17:391:17:44

Tired. I was falling asleep in the car on the way back.

1:17:481:17:53

-Did you get the shopping?

-Yep, and it's all put away.

1:17:551:17:59

Thank you, darling.

1:17:591:18:01

I feel so sick.

1:18:021:18:05

Right, so do you want me to cook dinner tonight, then?

1:18:071:18:11

-Could you?

-Yeah, course.

1:18:111:18:15

Listen, I'm meant to be meeting someone at the pub for lunch.

1:18:151:18:19

Oh, right. You go. I'll look after her.

1:18:191:18:22

I've got a few minutes.

1:18:221:18:24

Oh, darling, I am grateful. You know that, don't you?

1:18:271:18:33

Don't know how I'd cope without you.

1:18:331:18:35

It's OK, Mum.

1:18:371:18:38

KNOCK ON DOOR

1:18:531:18:55

Hello?

1:18:551:18:57

What do you want?

1:19:031:19:04

-Got a vase?

-Under the sink.

1:19:081:19:13

So where's Tyler now?

1:19:221:19:24

Oh, he's probably in the Vic. That's where he is most lunchtimes.

1:19:241:19:27

-You know what I'd do if I was you?

-No, I can't, Pat.

1:19:271:19:30

So what are you going to do? Avoid him for the rest of your life? Listen.

1:19:301:19:34

-Do you like him?

-I thought I did, yeah.

1:19:341:19:37

So sort it out. Doesn't have to end in a fight.

1:19:371:19:40

And you'll feel much better afterwards, believe me.

1:19:401:19:43

So what do I actually say?

1:19:431:19:46

You say,

1:19:461:19:48

"What happened to me happened. There's nothing I can do to change that.

1:19:481:19:52

"It's only a problem if you choose to make it a problem."

1:19:521:19:55

Can I write that down?

1:19:551:19:57

Just do it, girl!

1:19:571:20:00

-All right?

-Not really, bruv.

1:20:071:20:11

-Why's that then?

-Nothing...

1:20:111:20:15

I just gotta make a quick phone call, all right.

1:20:151:20:18

-You OK for a drink?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm cool, thanks.

1:20:181:20:21

PHONE VIBRATES

1:20:251:20:28

One minute they're all up for it. Next minute they're not.

1:20:441:20:47

And somehow we're supposed to know. We ain't mind readers, are we?

1:20:471:20:49

Hold tight, are we talking about Whitney now?

1:20:491:20:52

All that stuff she's gone through has basically done her head in.

1:20:521:20:55

Not so much a boyfriend she needs as a shrink.

1:20:551:20:59

-I beg your pardon?

-Wotcha.

1:21:001:21:04

-Fancy a drink?

-I asked you a question.

1:21:041:21:07

It's not what it sounded like.

1:21:071:21:09

I came in here to say one thing...

1:21:091:21:12

I don't give a damn what you think of me.

1:21:131:21:16

I don't need your approval...

1:21:161:21:17

I don't need anyone's approval. And if you don't like it, then tough.

1:21:171:21:20

And what are you staring at?

1:21:241:21:27

That's what I'm dealing with.

1:21:271:21:29

Where are you going?

1:21:321:21:34

-Whit!

-Leave me alone.

1:21:351:21:37

Whitney! Come here, babe.

1:21:371:21:39

-Come here.

-No!

-It's all right.

1:21:391:21:42

This is me.

1:21:421:21:44

'You did what?'

1:22:091:22:11

She was never going to leave on her own.

1:22:111:22:13

I was in the middle of dealing with it. You had no right!

1:22:131:22:16

Is he moving in too?

1:22:161:22:18

Sorry?

1:22:181:22:19

Never mind.

1:22:201:22:22

Come in, Norman. Sorry about this. It's one of them days.

1:22:241:22:27

I wanted to take you out for lunch.

1:22:271:22:29

Not today, if you don't mind. My head's not in the right place.

1:22:291:22:32

-Tomorrow?

-Maybe.

1:22:321:22:34

You had a phone call, about ten minutes ago.

1:22:341:22:36

Your son, Simon, in New Zealand.

1:22:361:22:39

-What did he want?

-Didn't say. Wanted you to call him straight back.

1:22:391:22:43

Straight back?

1:22:431:22:45

Is it likely to be a problem?

1:22:451:22:48

Yeah. It's the middle of the night, there must be a problem.

1:22:481:22:52

Si? It's Mum.

1:22:561:22:58

What's happened?

1:22:581:23:00

-No...!

-Pat?

1:23:021:23:04

Oh, my God...

1:23:041:23:06

So... you haven't been to the police then?

1:23:071:23:10

Maybe to get myself locked up but that's about it.

1:23:101:23:13

Look, I'm not staying. I just came to get some stuff.

1:23:161:23:20

Hold on, where are you gonna go?

1:23:201:23:23

-I'll be all right.

-Will you?

1:23:231:23:26

You know me.

1:23:281:23:31

I don't actually think I do.

1:23:311:23:33

-Oh, Ian...

-I don't think I know anything any more. I mean,

1:23:331:23:36

I'm not what people think I am, OK.

1:23:361:23:38

I'm not rich, I'm not successful, I'm not a leading local businessman.

1:23:381:23:43

I'm just a fraud.

1:23:431:23:46

-You're a nice guy. You are.

-Yeah, right. You've changed your tune, haven't you?

1:23:461:23:50

Pat said a lot of nice things about you.

1:23:521:23:55

-Things I would not have guessed.

-Really?

1:23:551:23:58

She said that you can be really kind

1:24:001:24:03

and that deep down you just want to be loved.

1:24:031:24:06

I'm like that too.

1:24:081:24:10

I guess that's all any of us really want, isn't it?

1:24:131:24:16

Only I'm not a very nice guy, so is it any wonder?

1:24:161:24:22

You ARE a nice guy.

1:24:221:24:25

With or without a flash car.

1:24:251:24:28

What you saying?

1:24:321:24:35

Are you saying we can try again?

1:24:351:24:38

Yeah?

1:24:381:24:40

Only properly this time.

1:24:411:24:44

What do you mean?

1:24:441:24:46

Let's get married.

1:24:491:24:51

Um, yeah. So if you could pick him up?

1:24:561:24:59

No?

1:25:011:25:02

OK, yeah. Well, I'll drop him off, then.

1:25:031:25:06

OK. Thank you, Auntie Carol.

1:25:061:25:08

Oh, why is there never anything in here any more? I'm starving!

1:25:101:25:13

COUGHING

1:25:131:25:15

-What was that?

-Nothing...

1:25:151:25:18

Well, it sounded like Mum chucking up.

1:25:181:25:20

PHONE RINGS Whit?

1:25:201:25:22

-Lauren, what do I do?

-'About what?'

1:25:221:25:24

-Fats, he's out looking for me.

-'And where are you?'

1:25:241:25:28

Hiding.

1:25:281:25:29

-Why?

-'I don't know,'

1:25:291:25:31

it was the first thing I thought of doing. Lauren, we kissed, right?

1:25:311:25:35

'Me and Fats! What does that even mean?'

1:25:351:25:37

It means that you like him!

1:25:371:25:39

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

1:25:411:25:43

Oh, you idiot!

1:25:431:25:45

-What?

-No, sorry, not you, Whitney. Look, I've got to go. Good luck.

1:25:451:25:49

-What're you doing?

-I'm just off to the salon, darling.

1:26:001:26:03

Mum, we heard you being sick.

1:26:031:26:04

It was nothing. It was just a wave. I'm fine now.

1:26:041:26:07

Mum, please, look, you're exhausted.

1:26:071:26:10

Will you stop telling me how I'm feeling!

1:26:101:26:12

Sorry, I'm sorry.

1:26:121:26:14

It's just that I can't seem to relax, you know? I think it would be best if I just kept busy.

1:26:141:26:19

Right, you've got Oscar all sorted, haven't you?

1:26:191:26:21

And well, besides, I feel much better today.

1:26:211:26:24

Yeah, you don't look it.

1:26:241:26:26

Please, will you just stop fussing over me every five minutes?

1:26:271:26:30

I'm YOUR mum, remember?

1:26:331:26:35

I'll see you later.

1:26:361:26:38

DOOR SLAMS

1:26:441:26:46

It ain't a Ferrari,

1:27:031:27:04

but if it's reliability you're after, then this is your motor, bruv.

1:27:041:27:08

Um... Give me one minute. Have a look.

1:27:081:27:10

Hey, I was looking for you.

1:27:131:27:16

Look, um... Can you take a lunch break?

1:27:171:27:21

Yeah.

1:27:211:27:22

Yeah, sure.

1:27:221:27:23

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

1:27:231:27:25

What?

1:27:321:27:33

Nothing.

1:27:351:27:36

SHE GIGGLES

1:27:361:27:38

Give us a bag of chips, will you? I'm starving.

1:27:401:27:43

-I skipped breakfast.

-There's a queue, love.

1:27:431:27:45

D'you realise who you're talking to? Tell him, Ian.

1:27:471:27:50

Mandy, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

1:27:501:27:53

-He proposed last night.

-Mandy!

1:27:531:27:55

Oh, I'm sorry, have I embarrassed you?

1:27:561:27:59

No, it's... Look, I'm at work.

1:27:591:28:02

Fine.

1:28:041:28:06

-Oh, the answer's no, by the way.

-What?!

1:28:061:28:08

No, I won't marry you.

1:28:081:28:10

-Yeah, but you said yes.

-No, I didn't.

1:28:101:28:13

Yeah, you did.

1:28:131:28:15

So, you remember the word "yes" coming out of my mouth, do you?

1:28:151:28:19

Hmm.

1:28:191:28:20

-Ian! Should I serve myself?

-I'll be back in a minute.

1:28:221:28:25

-Mandy, wait, wait, wait.

-You didn't even do it properly.

1:28:251:28:28

How do you mean?

1:28:281:28:29

Well, I don't see a ring on my finger, do you?

1:28:291:28:33

Now, if you want me to be your wife, Ian,

1:28:331:28:35

you're going to have to prove it.

1:28:351:28:37

All right, fellas?

1:28:441:28:46

-Oh!

-Hey, you all right?

-No, my leg.

1:28:521:28:56

I know that mood, bruv.

1:28:571:28:59

Look, don't get me wrong, I'm with you all the way on this,

1:28:591:29:02

but Fats is not as tidy as you, is he?

1:29:021:29:04

I mean, do you really want to end up in front of a judge over a girl?

1:29:041:29:07

Look, don't worry about it, Pops, it's not the end of the world, we'll find somewhere else.

1:29:071:29:11

Yeah, but where will we find a chocolate fountain at such short notice?

1:29:111:29:15

All right ladies? What's up?

1:29:151:29:16

It's Poppy's 21st today.

1:29:161:29:19

She had this room booked for a party at this well exclusive club, right,

1:29:191:29:23

frequented by the creme de la creme of reality stars, football players, you name it...

1:29:231:29:27

Then some trumped-up daddy's girl goes and pays triple,

1:29:271:29:30

so she's having her 18th there,

1:29:301:29:32

which means I'm left without so much as a Big Brother reject.

1:29:321:29:36

Girls, I think I might just be your knight in shining armour.

1:29:361:29:39

Why? Do you know anyone famous?

1:29:391:29:41

No. Well, not exactly. But who needs celebrities when you got our gaffe?

1:29:411:29:45

Moon parties are legendary, right, Ant?

1:29:451:29:47

Yeah. Legendary!

1:29:471:29:49

-Can I have a chocolate fountain?

-It's your party, babe.

1:29:491:29:52

You can have a chocolate unicorn if you want.

1:29:521:29:55

Are you serious about this?

1:29:551:29:56

Best idea I've had all week.

1:29:571:29:59

-Great timing.

-Sit yourself down, mate.

1:29:591:30:02

Ben's just pulled a muscle.

1:30:021:30:04

-I said I'd take him through some warm-up exercises.

-I just bought lunch.

1:30:041:30:07

Thought we were meant to be cutting back on expenses.

1:30:071:30:10

-You know, with the solicitor's fees.

-Oh. Sorry, forgot.

1:30:101:30:13

-Well, a couple of quid won't matter, will it?

-Smells good.

1:30:131:30:17

-I'm sure there's enough for everyone, ain't there, Sy?

-'Course.

1:30:171:30:20

-Gaynor. Gaynor, could you do this for me, please?

-Yeah, sure.

1:30:241:30:27

-Thank you. Sorry.

-How you doing?

-Hi.

1:30:271:30:29

DOOR OPENS

1:30:321:30:34

Greg!

1:30:401:30:42

-What are you...

-I wanted to see you.

1:30:441:30:47

Really?

1:30:471:30:49

How are you?

1:30:491:30:51

I'm sorry, sorry...

1:30:531:30:56

I'm fine. This is just a bit of a shock.

1:30:561:30:59

It's really good to see you.

1:31:011:31:03

It's good to see you, too.

1:31:051:31:07

We'll move the sofa into the yard, make way for a serious mosh pit.

1:31:071:31:11

-Dance area?

-Yeah, yeah.

-I can bring those fairy lights from round my mirror...

1:31:111:31:15

The pink ones? Oh, they are lovely.

1:31:151:31:18

What about some music? We'll need some tunes, you know,

1:31:181:31:21

-like a DJ or something to like lay them down?

-Fats...

1:31:211:31:24

-..you're known to spin the odd disc, right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:31:251:31:28

Party tonight, round ours. You're both invited.

1:31:281:31:32

So, are you two like a couple, then, or...?

1:31:321:31:34

Yeah, yeah. This is my boyfriend.

1:31:341:31:36

Well, good luck to you.

1:31:361:31:38

-What does that mean?

-Nothing.

1:31:381:31:40

-Ah, well, I think it's well sweet.

-Yeah, you guys are adorable.

1:31:401:31:44

Anyway, party tonight round ours. You coming or not?

1:31:441:31:47

Or are you one of them boring couples that sits in watching DVDs?

1:31:471:31:50

-No. We'll come. Won't we, Fats?

-Yeah, yeah, why not?

-Great. Great.

1:31:501:31:56

All right, well we're going to grab a drink, all right?

1:31:561:31:59

Bye.

1:31:591:32:00

So, do you really want to be my lady, then?

1:32:041:32:08

Yeah.

1:32:081:32:09

Wow. Hoorah! Um...

1:32:121:32:16

-Is that you off?

-Yeah. See you later. Quiet one tonight, yeah?

1:32:161:32:20

You fancy a cup of tea, Ben?

1:32:201:32:22

DOOR CLOSES

1:32:221:32:23

What's your favourite film?

1:32:251:32:26

Oh, I don't know. There're so many.

1:32:261:32:31

I guess...

1:32:311:32:32

Well, when I was your age, Stand By Me.

1:32:321:32:35

What's it about?

1:32:351:32:37

Well, it's about this kid who feels trapped by his family.

1:32:371:32:41

Dad's a criminal waster and everyone thinks he's going to turn out the same way.

1:32:411:32:46

I guess at the time, I could relate to that. What's yours?

1:32:461:32:50

Don't really watch films at my house. Just sport and video games.

1:32:521:32:57

Dad reckons it's a waste of time.

1:32:591:33:00

I tell you what, why don't you borrow one of mine?

1:33:001:33:03

Mind you, I think Jane took my copy of Stand By Me and never returned it.

1:33:051:33:08

-Sisters, eh?

-Thanks.

1:33:081:33:11

So, you're, like, together?

1:33:111:33:13

I know it's a bit quick, but it just feels right, somehow.

1:33:131:33:16

And we've been mates for a while and I don't want to muck it up.

1:33:161:33:20

Yeah? Then don't.

1:33:201:33:22

Oh. How straightforward everything is in Lauren's world(!)

1:33:221:33:25

Listen, are you going to come to this party with me later?

1:33:251:33:28

I need a mate there, with Tyler thinking he's all man.

1:33:281:33:32

Yeah.

1:33:321:33:34

-Cool.

-Whit?

1:33:341:33:36

I'm really happy for you.

1:33:371:33:39

Right, so d'you want a cup of tea, or maybe some coffee or something?

1:33:481:33:51

No, I'm fine, actually.

1:33:511:33:53

Max not around?

1:33:531:33:55

-No, I haven't seen him since.

-I don't know why I asked.

1:33:551:33:58

You look tired, Tan.

1:34:001:34:02

Yeah, it's hard work, innit, being a single mum.

1:34:021:34:05

Sorry.

1:34:061:34:08

Didn't mean to sound self-pitying.

1:34:081:34:10

Obviously, I realise it's all my fault...

1:34:101:34:12

Lauren called me.

1:34:121:34:13

You spoke to her?

1:34:141:34:16

Yeah, she...

1:34:161:34:18

she was really worried about you.

1:34:181:34:20

Right.

1:34:221:34:23

So, this is some sort of mercy mission, is it?

1:34:251:34:27

-What?

-I can't believe she told you.

1:34:271:34:30

It's not a crime to be lonely, is it? I've missed you too.

1:34:301:34:33

Unless there's something else?

1:34:361:34:38

Tan?

1:34:401:34:41

Go on.

1:34:431:34:44

I've not been very well, Greg.

1:34:501:34:51

Yeah, well it's been going around, hasn't it?

1:34:511:34:54

It's worse than that.

1:34:551:34:57

What? Like cancer or something?

1:34:571:34:59

Right, that's it. I'm not asking again.

1:35:061:35:10

-'Scuse me?

-Cos I'm sick of it.

1:35:101:35:12

I'm sick of being treated like some stray dog

1:35:121:35:15

you stroke one day and kick the next.

1:35:151:35:17

Oh, grow up, will you? I've got more important things to worry about than your teenage ego.

1:35:171:35:22

Life ain't just holding hands and kissing behind bike sheds,

1:35:221:35:25

some of us actually have real problems...

1:35:251:35:29

Oh.

1:35:291:35:30

Pat?

1:35:301:35:31

-Pat?

-Mm.

1:35:321:35:34

Pat, Pat, what is it?

1:35:341:35:36

So are you...? What, you having chemotherapy?

1:35:361:35:40

Yeah, on Mondays. And then radiotherapy on weekdays.

1:35:401:35:45

I'm a bigger junkie than Rainie at the moment.

1:35:451:35:47

It's all right. I am still the same person.

1:35:491:35:53

I haven't had a complete sense-of-humour bypass.

1:35:531:35:55

How long?

1:35:551:35:58

I mean...

1:35:581:36:00

-will you...?

-Die?

1:36:001:36:01

-No. I didn't mean...

-Don't know. There's always a chance.

1:36:011:36:04

They don't really go into all that, it's...

1:36:041:36:08

I haven't actually asked them.

1:36:081:36:11

I suppose the treatment's more focused on...

1:36:111:36:14

-checking whether it's spread, scans and things.

-Aren't you scared?

1:36:141:36:18

I'm terrified.

1:36:221:36:24

But, you know, some days are bearable.

1:36:291:36:31

The other week I met this woman, Siobhan,

1:36:311:36:34

and we just had... Well, we just had a right old giggle

1:36:341:36:37

for literally 20 minutes, I forgot all about it.

1:36:371:36:40

A bit of a bummer when I remembered, but you've got to take the ups when you can.

1:36:411:36:45

Sorry, I'm really going on, aren't I? It's just that it's...

1:36:451:36:51

SHE SIGHS

1:36:511:36:53

It's bizarre, talking to someone I know about it.

1:36:531:36:56

It's a relief, actually.

1:36:581:37:00

Normally, it's me and Lauren, and she's just...

1:37:021:37:05

Oh, she has been amazing, but I do worry that...

1:37:051:37:07

that I'm burdening her, you know?

1:37:071:37:10

You all right? You look a bit pale.

1:37:141:37:16

Yeah, yeah, fine. Just...

1:37:161:37:19

I just remembered my car's on a meter.

1:37:191:37:21

I see.

1:37:221:37:23

No, honestly. I'll come back, I just need to...

1:37:231:37:26

Yeah, yeah, it's all right.

1:37:261:37:27

You don't have to explain, I understand.

1:37:271:37:29

-It's a lot to get your head round, innit?

-Yeah.

1:37:291:37:32

Yeah.

1:37:331:37:34

I mean, I can understand you feeling funny cos...

1:37:371:37:41

it's big, right?

1:37:411:37:43

There's you thinking you were going to come round here and, what?

1:37:441:37:47

Didn't realise you'd be talking to a sick woman, did you?

1:37:471:37:50

It's probably a bit creepy.

1:37:501:37:51

Right, well you better go then, Greg,

1:37:551:37:57

before I get really morbid, start talking about things like death,

1:37:571:38:00

or worse still, expecting YOU to.

1:38:001:38:02

-Listen, it's obviously not helping me...

-Bye, Greg.

1:38:021:38:06

Greg?

1:38:251:38:26

What happened? Did she tell you?

1:38:271:38:30

She pushed you away, didn't she?

1:38:321:38:34

I was scared she'd do that. She didn't mean it.

1:38:341:38:38

She has these mood swings and she lashes out, but it's only cos she's frightened.

1:38:381:38:42

You've just got to keep trying, Greg.

1:38:421:38:45

What is it?

1:38:471:38:48

Sorry, Lauren, I don't think I can do this right now.

1:38:481:38:50

What?

1:38:501:38:52

It's all just too much.

1:38:521:38:54

I'm really sorry... I just... I can't.

1:38:551:38:59

-You mean, you're scared?

-Yeah.

1:39:021:39:04

Oh, right, well, join the club, Greg. Cos imagine how Mum feels!

1:39:051:39:09

Imagine what's going through her head right now!

1:39:091:39:13

I feel it, too.

1:39:131:39:16

The number of times I've wanted to run away and hide

1:39:161:39:18

and pretend that it's not happening, but I can't because she needs me!

1:39:181:39:22

Please, Greg.

1:39:241:39:26

You're still her husband. Doesn't that count for something?

1:39:261:39:30

If you ever loved her, then please don't go!

1:39:301:39:34

She needs you!

1:39:351:39:38

-I

-need you.

1:39:381:39:40

Take care.

1:39:431:39:45

"Take care"?

1:39:471:39:48

DOOR SLAMS

1:39:491:39:51

ENGINE REVS

1:39:511:39:53

"Take care"?!

1:39:541:39:55

You can go to hell, Greg! JUST GO TO HELL!

1:39:551:39:58

You COWARD!

1:40:001:40:02

-DOOR SLAMS

-Lauren?

1:40:151:40:17

It's OK, Mum. We don't need him.

1:40:341:40:37

TANYA SOBS

1:40:391:40:42

Are you going to tell me what's up?

1:40:501:40:52

Ooh, you stubborn old mare!

1:40:541:40:57

It was that call from my son, Simon.

1:40:581:41:00

He's got himself in deep water, he's going to lose his house.

1:41:021:41:06

So I went to see my brokers,

1:41:061:41:08

try and get a loan, but I'm too old, apparently.

1:41:081:41:12

They're right, aren't they?

1:41:151:41:17

I'm just a useless, decrepit old woman...

1:41:171:41:20

How much?

1:41:201:41:21

-What?

-How much does he need?

1:41:211:41:24

No, Norman, I can't let you do that.

1:41:241:41:26

Rather see your son and grandchildren go homeless?

1:41:261:41:29

How much?

1:41:291:41:31

50 grand.

1:41:331:41:35

Leave with it me.

1:41:371:41:39

Oh, hello. Be back in a sec, mate.

1:41:431:41:46

I'm going to go and speak to the girls.

1:41:541:41:57

All right, babe.

1:41:571:41:58

You all right?

1:42:001:42:01

Yeah.

1:42:011:42:03

So, erm, look...

1:42:031:42:05

Listen, mate, erm...

1:42:071:42:09

-are we cool?

-Oh, mate, yeah, we're cool. Yeah, we're cool.

-Yeah?

1:42:091:42:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:42:121:42:13

-All right.

-Just...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

1:42:131:42:17

Forward. Forward, forward, forward.

1:42:221:42:25

Stop.

1:42:251:42:26

Go on, open them.

1:42:271:42:28

Well?

1:42:301:42:32

Yeah.

1:42:321:42:34

A night in your front room.

1:42:341:42:36

That's supposed to get me to marry you, is it?

1:42:361:42:40

I've gone to a lot of effort. I mean, it's romantic.

1:42:401:42:42

What is, Ian?

1:42:421:42:44

Hiding me away, so nobody sees us together?

1:42:441:42:48

Yes, I used to be a lap dancer.

1:42:481:42:51

I'm not ashamed of that, even if you are.

1:42:511:42:54

Where're you going?

1:42:541:42:56

There's a party on the Square.

1:42:561:42:58

What, that kids' thing? Oh, come on, Mandy, you're far too...

1:42:581:43:01

Oh, I do not give a flying fig.

1:43:011:43:04

DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS

1:43:051:43:07

Nice bath?

1:43:101:43:12

Come here.

1:43:161:43:17

LOUD MUSIC AND CHEERING

1:43:421:43:45

-Oh, that is lovely, innit?

-Lovely!

1:43:521:43:54

INAUDIBLE

1:43:581:43:59

Ta.

1:44:151:44:17

Tyler, leave me alone.

1:44:261:44:27

-I can't stop thinking about you.

-Well, I'm with Fats.

1:44:271:44:31

-To get my attention, make me jealous. I get it.

-No.

1:44:311:44:34

-It's obvious you and him ain't got that spark.

-You're wrong.

1:44:341:44:38

-You're mates, that's all.

-Yeah, and that's how I know it's right.

1:44:381:44:42

I mean, he's funny, he's kind,

1:44:421:44:45

he's loyal, he's not going to let me down.

1:44:451:44:47

-So he's safe.

-He's what I need.

1:44:471:44:50

Look, I don't expect you to get that.

1:44:531:44:56

But then that's kind of the point.

1:44:581:45:01

SHE SIGHS

1:46:011:46:03

PHONE BEEPS

1:46:271:46:30

Lauren!

1:47:161:47:17

Oi. I thought this was supposed to be your party?

1:47:321:47:36

-So?

-So, why are you sitting in here, sulking?

1:47:361:47:39

Go and join your girly mates and have a girly dance.

1:47:391:47:42

Why don't you just shut your big, sexist gob and pour me one of them?

1:47:421:47:48

It's obvious, he fancies you rotten.

1:47:581:48:00

Oh, don't be stupid, I'm ancient to a kid like Ben.

1:48:001:48:03

Besides, Jane's like his surrogate aunty, so that would make me his uncle.

1:48:031:48:06

Now you're just making it sound weird.

1:48:061:48:09

-All right?

-All right.

-I'll head home. Catch me up?

1:48:091:48:14

I'm glad I bumped into you, actually. Er, well, I got something for you.

1:48:151:48:20

Ben, you really shouldn't have.

1:48:241:48:26

Don't worry. Saw it in the market, going cheap. And, well...

1:48:261:48:30

Well, you keep it.

1:48:301:48:31

I bought two copies.

1:48:321:48:34

Right.

1:48:351:48:37

-Well, I better be getting off.

-Yeah.

1:48:391:48:42

-Oi, you've had more than me!

-Yeah, you started before me!

1:48:461:48:49

Hardly had any before greedy guts got here.

1:48:491:48:51

Oi, it is rude to insult a lady!

1:48:511:48:55

A lady?

1:48:551:48:57

Where's she, then?

1:48:571:48:58

Ha, ha.

1:48:581:48:59

-Oi, you!

-Yeah?

1:49:011:49:03

OK, hand it over.

1:49:031:49:05

-Get off me!

-All right, I was just messing.

1:49:051:49:08

What you doing? What you doing?

1:49:131:49:16

I've had enough.

1:49:171:49:18

# No teasing

1:49:201:49:21

# I need you to get up up on the dance floor

1:49:211:49:25

# Give that man what he asking for

1:49:251:49:27

# Cos I feel like busting loose and I feel like touching you

1:49:271:49:31

# And can't nobody stop the juice

1:49:321:49:34

# So baby

1:49:341:49:36

# It's getting hot in here

1:49:361:49:38

# So take off all your clothes

1:49:381:49:40

# I am gettin so hot

1:49:401:49:42

# I wanna take my clothes off

1:49:421:49:44

# It's getting hot in here

1:49:441:49:47

# So take off all your clothes

1:49:471:49:49

# I am gettin so hot

1:49:491:49:51

# I wanna take my clothes off... #

1:49:511:49:52

Here. Stick this on.

1:49:521:49:53

Please.

1:49:531:49:55

MUSIC FADES

1:50:001:50:02

# It's hip to be square

1:50:021:50:05

# It's hip to be square

1:50:051:50:07

# I like my bands in business suits

1:50:101:50:13

# I watch them on TV... #

1:50:131:50:15

I can't dance!

1:50:161:50:18

Good. Come on.

1:50:181:50:21

# They tell me that it's good for me

1:50:231:50:27

# But I don't even care

1:50:271:50:29

# I know that it's crazy

1:50:301:50:32

# I know that it's nowhere

1:50:321:50:33

# But there is no denying that

1:50:331:50:36

# It's hip to be a square

1:50:361:50:38

# It's hip to be a square

1:50:401:50:42

# It's hip to be a square... #

1:50:421:50:44

Whoo-hoo!

1:50:441:50:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:50:461:50:50

Lauren?

1:51:211:51:23

Lauren, is that you?

1:51:231:51:25

Lauren?

1:51:261:51:27

Lauren?

1:51:361:51:38

# Happy birthday to you

1:51:431:51:47

# Happy birthday to you

1:51:471:51:52

# Happy birthday dear Poppy... #

1:51:521:51:56

Poppity Poppity Pops!

1:51:561:51:58

# Happy birthday to you! #

1:51:581:52:02

-Hip hip...

-Hooray!

-Hip hip...

-Hooray!

1:52:021:52:06

-HIP HIP...

-Hooray!

-All right, let's get this party started!

1:52:061:52:13

# If you wanna get with me

1:52:131:52:15

# There's some things you gotta know

1:52:151:52:17

# I like my beats fast and my bass down low

1:52:171:52:21

# Ba-ba-bass, bass, bass down low

1:52:211:52:23

# Ba-ba-bass down low

1:52:231:52:25

# I-I-I like my beats fast and my bass down low

1:52:251:52:30

# Ba-bass down low

1:52:301:52:32

# Ba-ba-bass, bass, bass down low... #

1:52:321:52:34

I'm not in the mood for a lecture, all right?

1:52:341:52:37

# One, two, three, OK

1:52:391:52:41

# Can I get a little Goose in my OJ?

1:52:411:52:43

# Every day feel like my birthday

1:52:431:52:46

# And we sip champagne when we thirsty

1:52:461:52:48

# Straight buzzin' Robotussin

1:52:481:52:50

# Wanna get ya mitts in my oven?

1:52:501:52:51

# Wanna get a lick of this lovin'?

1:52:511:52:53

# G-g-g-get a lick of this lovin'

1:52:531:52:55

# Yeah, I like it loud

1:52:551:52:59

# And I'll make you shout

1:52:591:53:00

# Give you that Black Eyed Peas

1:53:001:53:02

# You know that Boom Boom Pow

1:53:021:53:04

# If you wanna get with me There's some things you gotta know

1:53:041:53:08

# I like my beats fast And my bass down low

1:53:081:53:12

# Ba-ba-bass, bass Bass down low... #

1:53:121:53:14

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:53:351:53:38

Email [email protected]

1:53:381:53:41

Syed faces a difficult choice when his daughter Yasmin visits the Square for the first time; will he stand by Christian, or give in to Amira's demands?

Kat is horrified when an unwelcome visitor returns, threatening to expose her secret, while Ian reaches a momentous decision about his life after a heart-to-heart with Alfie.

Pat encourages Whitney to face her fears and stand up for herself, but things take an unexpected twist when she takes Pat's advice; and Lauren's plan to support Tanya backfires.


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