20/10/2011 EastEnders

-Girls! What are you doing? Come on!

-Alfie, you got to watch this.

-It's so funny.

-Kat. We got packing to do. Come on.

Only take a minute. Watch.

-Where d'you get this from then?

-Liam sent it to us.

Wait till you see Ian' face.

That's brilliant. Right, come on, packing to do.

Shenice, come on, chop chop. Move. Don't be pulling faces, come on. Run.

Up the stairs now. Keep going. Go, go, go!

IAN BEALE VIDEO PLAYS

Right.

Did Oscar get off to nursery all right?

-Yeah. Mum, come have a look at this.

-No, I can't, darling.

-I need you to do me a favour.

-Yeah?

Yeah, I've got a rep coming in today.

Only Gaynor's away and I just, I don't trust Jodie or Poppy to deal with her.

-So you want me to?

-No, I want you to go over to Roxy's and ask her.

-Can't you just call her?

-No, because...

she'll just be all snotty with me, Lauren, and I...

I just can't face it today.

Oh, Mum...Come here.

I'm sorry, I dunno what's the matter with me.

I didn't feel half this bad yesterday.

-You're bound to have ups and downs, ain't you.

-Yeah.

-CAR HORN

-That'll be my taxi.

I'd give anything not to have to go through this again this morning.

-Do you want me to come with you?

-No. No. You're going to go and see Roxy.

Where did I put the shopping list?

-Mum, I'll take care of that.

-Really? Are you sure?

Thank you, darling.

-Right, I'll see you in a bit.

-See you.

-Bye.

How long is she planning on staying, hmmm?

Shhh... I can't just chuck her out.

Besides, it'll only be for a day or two.

A day or two will turn into a week or two,

then a month or two and before you know it we'll have a lodger living with us full time, rent free.

A bit like you, really?

At least I don't prance around in my underwear.

What am I supposed to do?

I can't send her back to Ian and it's not like she's got anywhere else to go.

Listen, take the kids to school. I'll have a word with her, all right?

Right.

Kids! Come on, we're off!

-Why didn't she just ring me?

-Please. It'd get her out of a big jam and she'd be really grateful.

It is amazing how when your mother needs a favour her attitude changes, innit.

Please. She wouldn't ask if it weren't important.

OK, I'll you what, just take her to playgroup and I'll do it.

-What?

-She won't be a problem. She's got a bunch of snacks in the bag. If she's hungry just give her one.

-No. I've got a class at half eleven.

-It'll be well over by then. It's fine, you've got my number...

just call me if there's a problem. OK. I'll see you later, I'm gonna go and get changed. Bye!

Was you there yesterday?

No, but that's a weird way to pimp your car though.

Have you seen the video that's been going round? It's so funny.

Ah sorry. 'Scuse me, babe.

Kat, sweet, you don't have to tell everybody.

How would you feel if it was our car, eh?

This is Ian we're talking about here.

I know but the bloke's got feelings, all right.

Go and grab the kids' bags. I'm gonna grab something from the shop. yeah?

I know it's not much of a date but I was thinking maybe we could hang out together.

Take her to the swings or something.

I got work, you know, sweetness.

But we could hook up at lunchtime in the Vic?

Yeah?

What time shall we say? About one?

Yeah, I guess. See you then, OK.

BANGING ON DOOR Ian? Oh, there you are.

I just thought I'd come over and see if you were home before I bomb off on my holidays.

Are you all right? How's it going?

I'm as happy as Larry.

-Whoever Larry was.

-Have you... spoken to the car hire people though, yeah?

-What do you think?

-Yeah but you're covered by insurance, though, ain't you?

-Ian, what you doing? You gotta speak to the car hire people...

-I'll phone them when I'm ready, OK?

-Apparently, it's all over the internet.

-Really?

I tell you what - why don't I stick the kettle on, have a cup of coffee, yeah? Give me a sec.

'I know what he'll do. He'll go straight to the police.'

-I've tried so hard to stay out of trouble.

-What were you thinking, Mandy?

-That it served him right.

-How come?

-Well, apparently because he's putting me up, I've got to sleep with him...

-on demand.

-Oh, Ian.

-Yeah, and he knows I've got nowhere else to go.

-What about your mum?

-What, the woman I haven't spoken to in over 15 years?

-The thing is, Mandy...

-Pat, couldn't you talk to him?

Y'know, stop him from going to the police?

Or if has, maybe get him to drop the charges?

-Well, I don't see how anything I might say would make a difference.

-Please?

Oh, and could you pick up a few of my things while you're there an' all?

And on top of all that I've lumbered myself going on a date with Fatboy this lunchtime.

Since when have you been going out with Fatboy?

I don't know. I felt sorry for him and now I'm stuck with it.

-Anyway, what about you?

-What about me?

-You and Tyler, yesterday.

-Yeah, it was all right.

All right's a long way from fantastic.

I don't really want to talk about it.

Oh, come here Whit...

-Maybe you could go on a date with Fatboy then.

-Why not? You'd be good together.

-No! I'm not going out with Fatboy just to sort out your mess.

Shenice, you seen Alfie?

-No.

-Where is he? We should've left by now.

Got about two hours' kip last night.

Just lying there, thinking, imagining. You know.

All the things I should've said. All the things I should've done.

it's a good job she didn't stay here last night...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa...

-I'd have ended up on a murder charge.

-OK, you've got a right to be angry...

-I only got the damned car for her.

Just trying to make her happy.

What kicked it all off, then?

Wait till Jane hears about this. She'll laugh her head off.

No, no. Ian, this time next week it'll all be forgotten, mate.

Is it me?

It's not like this is the first time this has happened, is it?

Well. What do you reckon? Is it me?

-I dunno, mate.

-I tell you what, I'm through with women. All right.

-I don't need 'em. They're just a damned expense.

-I know you feel...

From now on it's just going to be me and Bobby. Just the two of us.

And to hell with everyone else...

What about school?

It's going to be all round the playground, innit?

The kid's going to hate me.

No, no. It'll be all right.

It is me, innit?

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Ian?

Oh...

Pat, I'm...

I'm just talking to Alfie for a bit, all right?

Yeah. Course.

I'll come back another time.

-Listen, Ian...

-Alf.

I don't know what I'd have done without you this morning.

-Tommy's crying.

-In a minute!

-Why haven't we left yet?

Good question.

CAVALRY CHARGE RINGTONE

Gawd's sake!

-Right, come on then, what's the secret?

-Secret?

Yeah, you and Kat. You seem happy.

-You don't know the half of it.

-What? You telling me you're not?

No. Ian, if our relationship was based on happiness, me and Kat would've split up yonks ago.

All right, what then?

I dunno.

Yeah. Right. It's like yesterday, right.

Me and Kat, in the pub, having a right giggle and a gurgle. Like it used to be.

Bit of a laugh, even snuck upstairs for a bit of how's your father.

-And may I say, the how's your father was very good...

-Sounds all right.

But anyway I come down later to tell her lunch was ready and she started crying.

What's all that about? She said she was pre-menstrual, which is cobblers

- she finished her period last week, so that was a lie, wasn't it?

Did you pick her up on it? What, and have a row with her?

Trust me, mate, you cannot win a row with Kat Slater.

I spend half my time tip-toeing around her.

Technically, unless a woman is actually HAVING her period, she's always premenstrual.

-Think about it.

-Sounds about right.

Unless she's having an early menopause.

Nah.

You've gotta be careful around Kat... She's got... stuff.

I mean, we've all got stuff, but that girl has got a LOT of stuff.

You've got the Lynne stuff, the Zoe stuff, the Dad stuff, the Mum stuff...

you don't wanna go there... she won't even talk about it...

Uncle Harry stuff... Ronnie stuff, Michael stuff, baby Tommy...

course, you don't wanna go there either.

And of course, the miscarriage.

Which is what?

That's only top ten. Actually, that's nine.

Miscarriage?

Alf, I'm sorry, mate.

-It's all right. You don't mind if I don't talk about it?

-No, it's fine.

So come on then, what about the Alfie stuff?

Oh, yeah, she's got the Alfie stuff going on as well.

-No, not her... you. Your stuff?

-Me?

I've got the Kat stuff, ain't I? Which is more than enough.

So how do you do it?

-How do I do what?

-How'd you cope with it all?

I just...

I just do, don't I?

I love her. I love her with all my heart.

I know it's not rational.

Thinking about it, no sane person would willingly take on Kat Slater.

But you knew what she was like before you got together.

Yeah, yeah, I knew she was trouble.

You've only got to spend two minutes with Kat to know that.

But I didn't quite realise how much trouble.

But I don't regret it, Ian.

Seriously, I wouldn't change a thing, mate. I must be mad.

You spend half your life, right, looking for the perfect woman, the person that'll answer all your needs.

-But you know what?

-What?

That person does not exist. Actually, that's not quite true

cos that person does exist but it's up here,

in your imagination.

What do you find so funny?

You are talking to a man who's been married four times.

Yeah, I know.

And I'm still looking.

I think we're both mad.

-So you don't know if he's phoned the police or not?

-He was practically crying. What was I supposed to do?

What, Ian? Crying?

This may come as a surprise to you, Mandy, but Ian's got a sensitive side. He always did have.

He'll drive you nuts with all that selfishness and stupidity, and then

he'll turn round suddenly and do something really kind and thoughtful when you least expect it.

D'you remember Ethel?

Yeah. What about her?

When she died, she didn't have two pennies to rub together.

Ian paid for the funeral. Big do. Must have cost him thousands.

He didn't even blink.

I could tell you a dozen stories like that.

Did you pick up my things?

No, Mandy, I did not pick up your things. Like I said, it wasn't the right moment.

All right, I feel bad now.

Not half as bad as him, I don't suppose.

I shouldn't've done it, should I?

Smashing up his car. I mean, why did I?

You tell me.

The thing is, Pat, when I meet a bloke and he's all keen,

I just end up thinking,

"Who is this idiot? What is he after?" It doesn't occur to me that he might actually like me.

I mean, who would?

But that's you, innit?

Do you think he does? Like me, I mean?

All Ian wants is to be loved.

That's the beginning and the end of it.

What's happened to the milk?

-Oh,...I'll go get some more.

-You're not even dressed yet.

-I can't wait.

-Pat?

-Yeah?

What do you think I should do?

I don't know, Mandy.

What do you think you should do?

'I thought she'd be grateful.'

Roof over her head.

Central heating. Three meals a day.

And she wouldn't have to work at that club any more.

This place's got to be better than where she was.

Only she weren't.

Grateful, I mean.

So, I thought, right, I know what I'll do, I'll try and impress her.

So I start taking her places, buying her things. That is the reason why I got that car.

But the more I tried, the less grateful she was.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't like her so much.

She makes me smile.

Maybe it's not things she needs.

Thank you.

Oi!... Don't ignore me like I don't exist or something.

Whitney?

Keep an eye on the stall, will you, darlin'?

Oh. Who are you?

Pat's putting me up for a bit.

-Is she around?

-Just popped out to get a pint of milk.

In that case, is it all right if I wait?

I thought yesterday,

if I could switch my life off like you switch off a light, I probably would.

-Is this to do with Tyler?

-No. It's not just his fault.

-Everyone thinks it.

-Thinks what?

Did he say something?

And you don't want to?

I can probably guess, darlin'. The thing is, I been where you are now.

Nobody's ever going to want me again. Yeah?

And then I met Roy.

All I'm saying is they do exist.

So where do I find my Roy?

Don't s'pose either of you two have seen Alfie, have you?

-He's at Ian's. Well, he was half hour ago.

-I'm going to skin him alive.

Listen, Ian... .

Yeah, I know, you've gotta go.

-Yeah but I hate leaving you when you're like this though, mate.

-I'll be all right.

Not like I haven't been here before. I'll cope.

-BANGING ON DOOR

-Alfie, are you in there?

-I'm in here, sweetheart.

-We should be halfway to Luton by now.

-I should've called you.

Kat, don't blame him, OK? It was my fault.

-I'll get the kids. I'll be waiting in the car.

-Kat...

Don't be cross with him.

-Listen, you're not going to sit here and brood, are you?

-No, I've got plenty to do.

-Brilliant. That's the spirit, mate. You keep busy, all right?

-And you

have a good holiday, all right. And keep working at it. Never give up.

-See you, mate.

-See you, bud.

-Take care. See you later.

"BARGAIN HUNT" ON TV

Gone to milk the cow, has she?

So, Mandy, what do you do for a living?

I take my clothes off.

For men a little bit like you.

Oh... That's different.

Only now I'm going to go and put some on. Sorry.

Kat, what was I supposed to do, eh? The bloke was on the floor.

-I should've known you were probably doing something kind.

-It wasn't about kindness, it was more...

Come here...

What's all that about?

What have I done to deserve you, eh?

I love you. Come on. Let's go on holiday! Chop chop!

PHONE

Mandy!

Mandy, phone! Mandy?

Hello?

No, no, she's not here at the moment.

She should be back any minute.

No, I-I'm just a friend. FRONT DOOR CLOSES

Hang on, I think she's...Pat?

-What you doing here?

-Sorry... false alarm... Yeah, I can take a message.

Oh, right. Right, yeah, I'll pass that on.

-Bye now.

-Who's that?

-It was for Pat. Should be back any minute apparently.

-Right. So has Mandy gone, then?

-No, she's upstairs, getting dressed.

-Oh, is she now?

Mandy? Mandy?!

Yeah?

Can I have a word with you, please? Has Pat spoken to you, yet?

-What do you mean?

-So she hasn't then?

-I don't understand.

Right, well, I'm afraid you're going to have to go, Mandy, cos there's not enough room here.

I know it's tough, but that is life and Pat and I, we discussed this earlier so it's not just me.

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

Mum? How was it?

-What's she doing here?

-Roxy's just dumped her on me, basically.

-I thought you had a class.

-Yeah, I did.

-So where's Roxy, then?

-Still at the salon.

-Did the rep not come?

-Yeah, but she said she was needed at the desk.

She said she'd pick her up by lunchtime but it's lunchtime now.

-Yeah but that's not fair on you, is it?

-Come and sit down and tell me how you're feeling.

Tired. I was falling asleep in the car on the way back.

-Did you get the shopping?

-Yep, and it's all put away.

Thank you, darling.

I feel so sick.

Right, so do you want me to cook dinner tonight, then?

-Could you?

-Yeah, course.

Listen, I'm meant to be meeting someone at the pub for lunch.

Oh, right. You go. I'll look after her.

I've got a few minutes.

Oh, darling, I am grateful. You know that, don't you?

Don't know how I'd cope without you.

It's OK, Mum.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello?

What do you want?

-Got a vase?

-Under the sink.

So where's Tyler now?

Oh, he's probably in the Vic. That's where he is most lunchtimes.

-You know what I'd do if I was you?

-No, I can't, Pat.

So what are you going to do? Avoid him for the rest of your life? Listen.

-Do you like him?

-I thought I did, yeah.

So sort it out. Doesn't have to end in a fight.

And you'll feel much better afterwards, believe me.

So what do I actually say?

You say,

"What happened to me happened. There's nothing I can do to change that.

"It's only a problem if you choose to make it a problem."

Can I write that down?

Just do it, girl!

-All right?

-Not really, bruv.

-Why's that then?

-Nothing...

I just gotta make a quick phone call, all right.

-You OK for a drink?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm cool, thanks.

PHONE VIBRATES

One minute they're all up for it. Next minute they're not.

And somehow we're supposed to know. We ain't mind readers, are we?

Hold tight, are we talking about Whitney now?

All that stuff she's gone through has basically done her head in.

Not so much a boyfriend she needs as a shrink.

-I beg your pardon?

-Wotcha.

-Fancy a drink?

-I asked you a question.

It's not what it sounded like.

I came in here to say one thing...

I don't give a damn what you think of me.

I don't need your approval...

I don't need anyone's approval. And if you don't like it, then tough.

And what are you staring at?

That's what I'm dealing with.

Where are you going?

-Whit!

-Leave me alone.

Whitney! Come here, babe.

-Come here.

-No!

-It's all right.

This is me.

'You did what?'

She was never going to leave on her own.

I was in the middle of dealing with it. You had no right!

Is he moving in too?

Sorry?

Never mind.

Come in, Norman. Sorry about this. It's one of them days.

I wanted to take you out for lunch.

Not today, if you don't mind. My head's not in the right place.

-Tomorrow?

-Maybe.

You had a phone call, about ten minutes ago.

Your son, Simon, in New Zealand.

-What did he want?

-Didn't say. Wanted you to call him straight back.

Straight back?

Is it likely to be a problem?

Yeah. It's the middle of the night, there must be a problem.

Si? It's Mum.

What's happened?

-No...!

-Pat?

Oh, my God...

So... you haven't been to the police then?

Maybe to get myself locked up but that's about it.

Look, I'm not staying. I just came to get some stuff.

Hold on, where are you gonna go?

-I'll be all right.

-Will you?

You know me.

I don't actually think I do.

-Oh, Ian...

-I don't think I know anything any more. I mean,

I'm not what people think I am, OK.

I'm not rich, I'm not successful, I'm not a leading local businessman.

I'm just a fraud.

-You're a nice guy. You are.

-Yeah, right. You've changed your tune, haven't you?

Pat said a lot of nice things about you.

-Things I would not have guessed.

-Really?

She said that you can be really kind

and that deep down you just want to be loved.

I'm like that too.

I guess that's all any of us really want, isn't it?

Only I'm not a very nice guy, so is it any wonder?

You ARE a nice guy.

With or without a flash car.

What you saying?

Are you saying we can try again?

Yeah?

Only properly this time.

What do you mean?

Let's get married.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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