Sgt - Save My Boy! Dad's Army


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Sgt - Save My Boy!

More classic comedy with the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard. Pike loses his way in a minefield during night manoeuvres and has to be rescued by Wilson.


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# Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

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# If you think we're on the run?

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# We are the boys who will stop your little game.

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# We are the boys who will make you think again.

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# 'Cause who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

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# If you think old England's done?

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# Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21

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# But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun,

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# So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler,

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# If you think old England's done? #

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Now, pay attention, everyone.

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We're in the scouts' dressing room because the vicar is holding some function or other in the main hall.

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Now, I want to review the disposition of our troops

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in the broader...

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-I'm so sorry.

-Quite all right.

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broader strategical picture as it now is.

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-Or, where should Jonesy stick his bayonet?

-That'll do, Walker.

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Now, Hitler is across the channel, here,

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licking the wounds we inflicted at Dunkirk.

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Still, he is desperate and dangerous.

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More so, now he's enmeshed with our ally, the Russian bear.

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-I thought they were communists.

-We won't go into that now, Godfrey.

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-Under stress, we can't pick our bedfellows.

-As Crusoe said of Friday.

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Now, we are standing, shoulder to shoulder here, on the shores of dear old blighty.

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In the middle, Jack Tar is ruling the waves.

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In the skies above us are...

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-The Brylcreem Boys!

-The Bryl... That's enough from you, Walker!

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Now, as I was saying...

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-You're late on parade, Pike.

-Sorry, Sir.

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There's too much laxity going on.

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-What did he say?

-There's too much laxity.

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Funny thing to give a lecture on.

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-Well, Pike?

-Mum made me tidy my room before my tea.

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-Come without tea.

-She won't let me.

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-I take a serious view of this absence without leave. Take his name.

-Yes, Sir. Yes.

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Now, as I say, the enemy is here, with his phalanxes, and...

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-Sergeant, did you take his name?

-Yes, Sir. Yes.

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-I didn't see you note it.

-I KNOW it.

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-I told you to take his name down in case you forget it.

-Unlikely. I HAVE known him for 19 years.

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-I suggested you put it down, so you won't forget you've taken it. Is that clear?

-Yes, Sir, yes.

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-Right.

-He isn't clear to me.

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Now, as...

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-What's this?

-I'm tying a knot.

-Why?

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To remind me to take Pike's name.

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-Can't you write?

-I've no paper.

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-Haven't you the initiative to borrow some?

-Well...

-Anyone?

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ALL: No, no, no. FRAZER: You wanted empty pockets. Only rank, name and number.

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-In case of capture.

-We don't want to show any intelligence.

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Some of us haven't got too much to show.

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-All right, Corporal...

-Don't start!

-Sit down!

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-See me after Parade.

-It's only a joke.

-War is no joke.

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-What was I saying?

-Stick it! On the board.

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-Stick what on the board?

-Pike's name!

-Good idea!

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-Do that.

-Where's the chalk?

-I've no idea.

-You HAD it.

-I haven't now.

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-It's there.

-Thank-you, Jonesy. How kind!

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Thank-you.

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I find that humiliating.

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What does it matter? I'll tell Mum. She'll fix him.

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Now...

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Hitler and his lackey, Mussolini,

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are here, across the Channel.

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We are guarding our strong points,

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Stones Amusement Arcade here,

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the Novelty Rock Emporium here,

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with our Advanced Headquarters here, in the middle, at the Marigold Tea Rooms.

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Now, we have a serious tactical point.

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It's on the cards that Adolf has these places very well taped.

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He's been here for a while, with air reconnaissance, photographs, espionage reports and so on.

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He could observe our comings and goings. What do we do about that?

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Don't go so often.

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You're very tedious, Walker.

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In the Sudan, we used a little wrinkle.

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When the fuzzy-wuzzies found our HQ, we had to go to an elsewhere.

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When they came at us where we wasn't, we fired from where we was.

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-Then we used the cold steel. They didn't like that...

-No, I...

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-Thank-you.

-I haven't finished yet.

-You've made your point. Thank-you.

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Doesn't let you finish. Shame.

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Right. Now then.

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So, if Hitler thinks that we are here, or here,

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as from tonight, we are, in fact, going to be...here.

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-Now what is that?

-A box with a dunce's cap on.

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No! Harris Orphanage Holiday Home Hut.

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Quite right, Walker. The Harris Orphans Holiday Home Hut.

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It has good strategic position. Good observation and an all-round field of fire.

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-And 3 dozen screaming kids.

-No, they were removed after Dunkirk.

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They wore little blue aprons, and little straw hats and made sand-castles. I wanted to join them.

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-That's the place, Godfrey, now...

-They had cream buns for tea once. They really tucked in!

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I'd forgotten about cream buns!

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Remember they used to fill the buns while you waited?

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I always licked the sugar off before it went up my nose.

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Used to make you sneeze. It was very difficult...

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-ANIMATED CONVERSATIONS

-Be quiet, everybody!

-I'm so sorry. Beg your pardon.

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-Can we get back to tactics?

-So sorry, Sir.

-Right.

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Now, if Hitler attacks us here, or here,

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we'll give him everything from here.

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-The Harris Orphans Holiday Home

-ALL: Hut!

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-Frazer.

-Sir.

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Platoon! Platoon, 'shun!

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-All right, as you were.

-As you WERE!

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Come on, Godfrey. As you were, at the double. Sit down, as the officer said.

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-Isn't Sergeant Wilson in charge?

-Yes.

-Where is he?

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-He got a little bit drowsy so I suggested forty winks.

-Forty...!

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But he should be awake and alert!

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-I know that, Sir, but I... Well, you know, I said I'd waken him when the invasion started.

-Oh!

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-Wilson! Wilson!

-Give it a rest, Mavis.

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-Wilson! Wake up!

-I'm so sorry, Sir. I do beg your pardon, Sir. Is anything...wrong?

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-Hmm?

-Come outside.

-Right, Sir.

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Now, Wilson... WILSON!

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-Come outside!

-Sorry, my boots...

-I gave you an order!

-Of course, Sir.

-Follow me!

-I will, Sir, yes.

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Yes, Sir? Yes?

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-Where's your hat?

-Here, Sir. Here.

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-Well, put it on.

-Right, Sir.

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Sorry, Sir, would you mind holding that?

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Terribly difficult to do this without a mirror. Awfully. Is that...nice?

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-Never mind! You should set an example!

-Yes, Sir.

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You're fast asleep during an alert.

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Nothing very much was happening so I thought I'd have a little nap.

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I've had so many disturbed nights what with air raids and things.

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I'm not interested in your excuses,

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if excuses they be.

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You must pull yourself together, Wilson.

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If THEY can stay awake, you must too. Or else stand down for someone who can.

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-Sir, if you're dissatisfied with my...

-That's all, Sergeant.

-Oh...!

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-Any sign of them, Frazer?

-Of course not.

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No Christian soul would venture out on a black night like this.

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It's too dark for a randy tom cat.

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Even so, keep a sharp look out.

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Will there be a cup of tea on the way to help clear my eyesight?

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-Yes. Pike's on the way.

-Good.

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-Any chance of a cup of char?

-Yes, Pike's on the way.

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Pay attention a minute, will you?

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Sergeant Wilson tells me he can't put his hat on without a mirror.

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I'll give you an invaluable little wrinkle.

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-Lend me your cap, Wilson.

-Right.

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Thank...(!)

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Put it on roughly at first. So.

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Then take the forefinger, and push it up your nose.

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Up the outside, of course.

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Now you'll feel buttons, you see,

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with the finger. And align the hat thus, you see?

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Then put it on one side, as usual, and there you are!

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So, even without a mirror, there's no excuse for us not looking good.

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-Arthur! It's SO dark! I'm sure someone followed me!

-Hardly likely, Mavis.

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Not everyone finds me unattractive.

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I didn't mean that. What with the blackout, you look just as nice as anyone else, I mean...

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Frank forgot your biscuits. Where is he?

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Not here yet. He left BEFORE me, with the flask!

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-What's happened?

-I don't know!

-He's only a baby.

-I know he is.

-Perhaps the prowler's got him.

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-Perhaps he IS the prowler.

-Walker!

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Don't worry. I expect he's lost.

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He's probably with a lady-follower.

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-I did that when I was a young rip. In the spring the maidens get lustful...

-All right!

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-Something's happened! Arthur!

-All right, Mavis.

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-< Sssh a minute!

-Heavens!

-What was that?

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-What is it, Frazer?

-I thought I heard a faint cry.

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< (He-e-elp! He-e-e-elp!)

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It's from the water's edge! < He-elp! He-elp!

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-Quiet! Absolutely quiet, please!

-< He-elp!

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-That's Pike.

-Oooh, Arthur!

-All right, Mavis.

-Are you all right, Pike?

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My leg hurts! I'm caught in the wire!

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Stupid boy. Why's he out there?

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­ I expect he missed the bathers' gap.

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-Arthur, don't leave him in agony! Go and get him!

-All right, Mavis.

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Would one of you mind... helping me over the wire?

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I wouldn't try that, Sergeant. Ten paces and you'll be in smithereens.

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-The mines!

-He's in the minefield! Arthur!

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-All right. Sergeant, phone the engineer. We need a path cleared.

-Right, sir.

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­ It's a miracle he got there safely.

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-Permission to give young Pike a few words of encouragement, Sir?

-Yes, of course.

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Hoi! Pikey! Cheer up, boy!

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Don't you move a muscle or you'll be blown to Kingdom Come!

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­ He must be cold and wet out there. His delicate chest! You don't care enough, Mr Mainwaring!

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I'm waging war, Mrs Pike... not running a clinic.

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-Well, Wilson?

-I'm just through.

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It's most terribly kind of you, but if you could get here a teeny weeny bit sooner,

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-we'd be most awfully grateful. Thank-you so much. Goodbye.

-Well?

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There's trouble with a landmine. They'll be about three hours.

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-Three hours!

-Yes.

-He can wait. Too bad. He'll learn to be careful next time.

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-He'll drown.

-What?

-Eh?

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He'll drown. The tide's coming in fast.

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Blimey! The tide covers the wire!

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Arthur! Save him! He's got all his life before him!

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All right, but just let me think. For one moment.

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-While you're thinking, the water's rising. He can't swim! I'll get him!

-No! Mavis!

-Mrs Pike! Stop!

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-No! Stop! Come back!

-Keep calm! Pikey boy, your mother's coming!

-Be quiet! Be quiet!

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­ Wait! Why don't we get a boat and we can rescue him by sea?

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­ The nearest's at Salthaven.

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-By the time we rowed back, the boy'd be drowned a whole hour. Oooh, Arthur!

-Frazer, a little tact!

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-Did anyone see this minefield laid?

-I did.

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It made a crazy pattern. Come in and I'll show you.

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I'll use these shells.

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-The orphans collected them. They're pretty. You can hear the sea.

-Yes, yes, Godfrey.

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The mines were laid in rows of about five.

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And they were laid about five yards apart in a pattern like that.

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-You see, Sir.

-Yes, I do.

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-So, if Pike's here...

-Aye.

-There's a clear path through here.

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If that's wrong, we step on five.

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I think I read that the done thing is to prod the ground, you know? To feel for the mine...

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-Prod it.

-Yes.

-Feel.

-Yes.

-And prod.

-Yes.

-And feel.

-Yes.

-And...

-Yes. Good thinking.

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Why don't we prod with the bayonet and if we feel one we can detour?

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-There's scaffolding and wire!

-For tanks.

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-We must cut the wire.

-I've got cutters in my shed.

-Good. Go on.

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-We must start now clearing a path. We'll mark a route for you.

-Right.

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-We could use these flags.

-Ideal. Go on!

-Right.

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-The orphans put them on sandcastles. Very gay.

-Yes.

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I know I don't need to ask for volunteers. Follow me!

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-Keep as close as you can.

-Aye.

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-Arthur, not you!

-What is it?

-Don't you go!

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-What?

-I can't lose you both! Let the others do it.

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-There are some things one has to do or else one isn't a man, is one?

-You've always managed.

-Please (!)

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Oh, dear. HE-E-ELP!

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All right, Pike! We're coming!

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We may have to carry him out, so we'll clear a path for two.

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Captain Mainwaring, I volunteer to clear a path for two.

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-Later, Jones.

-Let me prod, Sir.

-Sergeant Wilson and I will lead.

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-Sergeant Wilson!

-Just coming, Sir. Had to have a little...chat with Mrs Pike.

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This is no time for that.

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-Sergeant Wilson and I will lead. You, Corporal, will mark the route.

-Yes, Sir!

-Not now!

-No! Wait!

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-Godfrey and Frazer in the rear. Godfrey?

-He's not here.

-I don't understand!

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No(?) Seems crystal clear to me.

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-What d'you mean?

-First whiff of danger and he's off like a scared weasel.

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-You've no call to speak like that.

-Well, he's not here, is he?

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Begging my pardon, Sir, Private Godfrey is often missing on account of he has to go hrp-hrp-hrp-hrp.

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-He has to do what?

-He gets taken short, Sir.

-Oh, yes! He'll follow.

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Right. Give me the torch, Wilson.

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-I haven't got the torch, Sir.

-I told you to bring it.

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The word 'torch' never passed your lips.

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-You know you're responsible for it!

-We've been through this...

-What are you doing?

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Well done.

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-You shine it, Frazer.

-Aye.

-Grab a bayonet. I'll take this one.

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-What are you doing, Corporal?

-You touched my bayonet, Sir!

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-I'm only borrowing it, man!

-Sorry, Sir. Reflex action.

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-Years of sleeping in the bush veldt.

-Pull yourself together.

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-Right. Here we go. Good luck.

-Yes. Good luck.

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-Now, Wilson?

-Yes?

-Make quite sure there's nothing in front of you before you advance.

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-Follow?

-I do, Sir. I certainly will.

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-It's pretty soft here.

-Yes.

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Feels all right.

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Yes, it is all right.

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-Wilson, there's no need to prod every inch.

-I...

-They're at least eight inches apart.

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I know. But one can't be too careful.

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Right. Come on. Move on.

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-I think it's all right!

-Permission to speak?

-Yes.

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If it wasn't all right, we'd know by now.

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-Thank-you(!) Better mark the route.

-Right.

-Pass me a flag.

-Here's one.

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Can't possibly use that one.

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We'll have a French one. They're fairly reliable.

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-Right, prod on, Wilson.

-Right.

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Who's there? Only me, Mrs P.

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Ooh, I thought you were the prowler. Better luck next time!

0:21:010:21:06

Where are they? Down there I think.

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-Mr Mainwaring?

-Yes?

-Hurry up! The tide's coming in.

-We'll be as quick as we can.

0:21:100:21:17

Sir, I think... I think I've found something.

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-Does it feel like a mine?

-It's a little difficult to know, Sir.

0:21:210:21:26

-Is it hard?

-One hardly likes to overplay one's hand to find out.

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-Let me try.

-Right, you feel it.

0:21:320:21:35

-There's something there.

-Yes!

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-Clear the sand away.

-Right.

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Wilson!

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There's a boy who will drown. Clear the sand! Oh, for heaven's sake(!)

0:21:470:21:53

All right, sir? What is it? What's that?

0:21:570:22:01

"A Handbook of Field Engineering and Mine Warfare"

0:22:010:22:05

-What does that mean?

-"How To Lay A Minefield" God(!)

0:22:050:22:10

Blimey. Halt! Who goes there? Friend or German?

0:22:150:22:20

GODFREY: It's only me.

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How did you get here? Well, the same way as you did.

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I've brought you a pair of water wings, in case they take a while.

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But you can't swim! I've got two lots of water wings.

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And a blanket, in case you were cold.

0:22:410:22:45

Thanks. Mum hates if I catch a chill.

0:22:450:22:48

I think I'd better start blowing these up, don't you? Yes.

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-Right, Jones.

-Mr Mainwaring? >

-Yes. We're here, Walker.

-Right. >

0:22:560:23:01

-Here!

-Yes?

-I expect poor Pikey's getting a bit anxious.

-Yes, I expect he is.

0:23:030:23:10

It's all right, Pikey boy! We're coming!

0:23:100:23:13

-Please! My nerves won't stand it!

-I was only giving him some encouragement.

0:23:130:23:20

Well don't. Just keep quiet.

0:23:200:23:22

-Hello? I've found something.

-And here, Sir.

0:23:260:23:30

There? They must be closer, Frazer.

0:23:300:23:33

It could be a stone, Sir.

0:23:330:23:36

Wait a minute. Let's clear this. See if we can lift it out.

0:23:360:23:41

Ooh, wait a minute, Sir!

0:23:410:23:43

You better be careful, Sir. Some of them have booby trap devices for trapping boobies.

0:23:430:23:50

Oh, do shut up, Jones.

0:23:500:23:52

It's metal all right. Not very big.

0:23:520:23:56

-I've got the clippers. What's up?

-If I open my mouth he says shut it.

0:23:560:24:01

-It's a mine.

-Can't we avoid it?

0:24:030:24:06

-There's another here.

-Watch for booby traps. If you touch the wire...

0:24:060:24:12

-Yes!

-We know!

-Walker, please!

0:24:120:24:14

-There's writing.

-Is there?

0:24:180:24:21

Mmm... Moc-law-ot-ebickue.

0:24:220:24:28

Must be Russian.

0:24:280:24:30

-They're on our side.

-These ARE our mines.

-Of course! It's so confusing!

0:24:300:24:37

Come on. Let us get past. Let's have a look.

0:24:370:24:41

"Welcome to Walmington"(?)

0:24:420:24:45

It's a kid's bucket (!)

0:24:470:24:50

Very similar in shape.

0:24:510:24:54

Evening, Mrs Pike. Where's Napoleon? Down there, saving my boy.

0:24:560:25:01

Flashing a light? There's a raid on!

0:25:010:25:04

-He'll have the Jerries here. PUT THAT LIGHT OUT!

-Mind your own business!

0:25:040:25:10

-This is a military emergency.

-Anything you touch is! Hooligan! Ten to one he blows himself up!

0:25:100:25:18

Oooh! Your boy'll be fine. Don't worry.

0:25:180:25:21

-Nearly there, Pike. Stay there.

-Yes, stay there.

0:25:240:25:28

I can't do much else, Uncle, Sergeant. I've got wire stuck in my bum!

0:25:280:25:35

Don't be coarse, Pike.

0:25:370:25:40

Pass me those...

0:25:410:25:44

-cutters, will you?

-There, Sir.

-I volunteer to clip, Sir. I vol...

-Shut up! I'm sick of your voice!

0:25:440:25:51

-I've never known him like this.

-He's worried, you fool!

-Why? Has he got trouble at home?

0:25:520:26:00

-Right, we're there, Pike.

-Could you cut the bit in my you-know-what first?

0:26:000:26:08

SNIP Oh! What a relief, Mr Mainwaring!

0:26:080:26:12

SNIPPING

0:26:130:26:16

-Right, d'you think you can...

-SNIP

0:26:240:26:27

-crawl out after us now?

-I'll try, but my ankle's hurting.

0:26:270:26:32

We need a blanket for dragging him.

0:26:320:26:35

Would you care for a cup of tea before you start back?

0:26:350:26:40

-Godfrey! How did you get there?

-Through the bathing gap. To keep him company.

0:26:400:26:46

-You could have been blown up!

-Maybe. Sorry, there's no sugar. But I've brought a blanket.

0:26:460:26:55

You were very foolish, Godfrey. And damned brave.

0:26:550:26:59

A man of steel, just like I always said.

0:26:590:27:03

-The water's getting awfully close.

-Taffy, you shine the light. Sergeant Wilson and I will drag him out.

0:27:040:27:12

Right.

0:27:120:27:14

Spread the weight in case of a deep one.

0:27:140:27:17

I'll prod in case you've missed one.

0:27:170:27:21

Right, son, here we go. 1 - 2 - 3 - HEAVE! Oooh!

0:27:210:27:27

I'll be glad of me Mum's poultice! HEAVE!

0:27:270:27:31

It was stuck right in... HEAVE!

0:27:310:27:34

it was rusty and all! HEAVE!

0:27:340:27:37

-It'd be a pity to die of lock-jaw after all your trouble.

-Be quiet!

0:27:370:27:43

-I think I've struck something, Sir.

-Let me through.

-Right, Sir.

0:27:430:27:47

-Let's see.

-Hey-ey!

-All right.

-Oh, forgot. Sorry, Sir.

0:27:500:27:54

There's something there all right.

0:27:580:28:01

Well? You praying to Mecca(?)

0:28:020:28:05

Stand still. It's very dangerous.

0:28:050:28:08

He laid the mines. It's all clear 'ere. Yes. All clear 'ere. Em, here.

0:28:080:28:14

No, no mines here. What a fool you look, poking with your little bayonet!

0:28:140:28:20

Actually, the mines stop 200 yards up the beach!

0:28:200:28:25

Yes? Well, in that case, what's this?

0:28:260:28:30

Cor blimey! It's a mine! You're a right one!

0:28:310:28:35

-All right, everybody, stay still.

-Don't panic! Don't PANIC!

0:28:350:28:40

-Jones!

-You got me into this! Get me out!

0:28:400:28:44

Stand still! Nobody move an inch!

0:28:440:28:48

What do you suggest we do next(?)

0:28:490:28:51

Well, er...could you lend me your bayonet?

0:28:510:28:55

MUSIC: "Who Do You Think You Are Kidding, Mr Hitler?"

0:29:020:29:06