Imogen unwittingly becomes the prize in a university club initiation ceremony. And can Cherry convince anyone to go with her to an exclusive wedding dress boutique?
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That's why you're still on the subs bench, mate! All right, wind it up, lads.
Invite only, yeah? So don't go asking your mates.
Hey, Noah, have you got a date yet for Saturday?
Yeah, I'm working on it.
Yeah? Cos if you haven't got a date, you don't get an invite.
I'll get the date.
Course, that's not the only criteria is it, lads?
Oh, well, yeah. Whatever. You know I'm up for it.
-Yeah? Are you sure?
-Excellent. Good lad.
I don't see why I couldn't have stayed at home to do this.
Cos I don't want you rattling around when your dad is trying to sleep.
How is doing this "rattling"?
Last time your dad was on nights, you were banging around
making bacon butties at seven o'clock in the morning.
Is it my fault that Dad's nose is like a bacon-guided missile?
Oh, and not because you set the smoke alarm off?
Why are we talking about this?
You never said what you got your Auntie Ag for her birthday.
Imogen, you are kidding me! It's on Wednesday!
All right. Keep your hair on. We're going to go this avo.
I don't suppose...
Don't "Oh, Mum" me!
I always get lumbered.
-Yeah, but I don't know what to get.
-Well, neither do I!
Mum, you're much better at choosing things.
Come on. Can you imagine what we'll come back with if you leave it to me and Jack?
Have I got "muggins" tattooed on my forehead?
Oh, go on, then. But I'm not paying for it.
Who is that?
-Noah Drummond, some loser in Jack's class.
Oh-ho, no. No way.
Well, he's persistent, whoever he is.
Just let him down gently, will you?
I don't want any more lovesick, pimply teenagers
drooling all over my doorstep.
-That's the bag lady who hangs around the university.
-She has got a name, Mother.
This is for Faces At The Fringe.
At the fringes of society?
-You know, every face tells a story.
Well, you just be careful, there are funny people around.
That is so prejudiced.
-It's just common sense.
Er... Imogen! Imogen.
You, er... You got my texts, then?
Oh, er, actually, I was just looking for Jack.
-You haven't seen him have you?
-Jack? No. No, and I don't really want to either, thanks very much.
-Is this still about the debate?
-He made me look like a total idiot.
The way he puts it, you managed that yourself.
If you do see him, just tell him I'm looking for him and if he doesn't show up, he's dead.
Er...about, um... Saturday?
It's just I've... I've got tickets to this gig, you know,
I'm on the list, so I could get you in if you fancy.
I'm busy. Sorry.
Look, I'd better go and find Jack.
Oh, it's ages since my figure was like that.
That's nice, isn't it? It's classy, ivory.
Mmm, they all are, that's the problem. How do you choose?
I can't believe I've left it so late.
You'll find something. That shop is really exclusive.
We've waited long enough for an appointment.
Mum's coming with me. I can't wait. It's going to be brilliant.
Ooh, I've got all this to come, I suppose... Imogen.
-I dread to think what kind of dress she's going to wear.
What was that for?
SHE HUMS WEDDING MARCH
Good morning, Mill Health Centre.
So she blew you out then? Should have seen that one coming.
Course, you could just keep begging.
Won't do your street cred any good,
but you might just get the sympathy vote.
Suppose I'll not be getting the invite, then?
Well, like I said, a date's not the only criteria.
And what's that supposed to mean? What else do I have to do?
Hey, come on. All in good time.
If you stick with me, by the end of the day, she'll be begging you
to take her out for a drink. Yeah?
Oh, Heston. Ooh, have you just made that?
-Be my guest.
-Are you joking? Has someone put you up to this?
I don't know if you're aware, but someone, in their infinite wisdom,
has added Mr Shilling to my oversubscribed list
of house calls this afternoon.
Mum, maybe if you just go back to bed for a bit.
-The test results are nowhere to be seen.
-Really? What's the point, then?
Exactly. What's the point if the test results aren't back from the lab?
You should call the lab, maybe speed things up.
OK, well, go back to bed and I'll speak to you later. Bye.
-Is there something wrong?
-Mum's got food poisoning.
We've waited ages for this appointment.
I'm never going to get another one in time.
Couldn't one of your friends go with you?
-Oh! That is for you, by the way.
-What is it?
-Just some preliminary research.
-Hi, Mandy, it's me.
Avenues for potential outsourcing,
funding implications, that sort of thing.
And at some point we are going to have to decide
who's going to do the database.
-Yes. Come on, Heston, the patient database.
If you wouldn't mind looking at those and letting me know what you think.
Unbelievable! That was a new battery. Now I really am late.
Would you be an angel and phone the lab for me?
OK, don't worry about it. I'll speak to you later. Bye.
I don't know who else to try, now.
Jenny and Jess are in Florida, Lucy's on afternoons.
-Cherry's mum has food poisoning.
-She been eating your cooking?
Thank you, Zara(!) They were going to choose the dress today.
Well, that doesn't stop you going, does it?
What? Go on my own to choose my wedding dress? How sad is that?
Of course you can't go on your own.
I don't suppose...?
Oh, no. I'm really sorry, Cherry, I can't.
I'm up to my neck in paperwork.
-I'm really sorry. I can't honestly, really.
I'll tell you what, though,
Zara's not doing very much today, are you, Zara?
Come on, Noah, you said you were up for this. I'm easing you in.
Fine, if you don't want the invite, H, give Gordy a bell,
he'd sell his grandma to get to this gig.
-Oi! Give it back!
-What's in the bag, then?
-Give it back!
Give it back! Give it... Don't do that, it's my stuff!
Come on, it's only teasing, stop getting your knickers in a twi...
You think that's funny?
-Give us me phone back, I won't hurt her.
-How does that work?
-Your stuff's important, but hers isn't?
-That phone cost a bomb.
Me mum'll go mental at me if I don't... Hey, give it back, Imogen!
-You are pathetic, the lot of you!
-Look, you... What are you doing?
Your fists are about as useful as your mouth.
Oh, yeah? You want me to shut yours for you, do you?
Guys, knock it off!
What has Esme ever done to you?
Oh, come on, Imogen.
Get lost, Noah. Go away.
Ow! What was that for?
If you think you'll get out of shopping for Auntie Ag's present
by not picking up your phone, you've got another thing coming!
I just saved you, there.
Like I need saving from Noah flippin' Drummond.
It's not so much that I don't want to,
it's just that I'm not sure that...
Zara, don't worry about it, relax. Asking you is a stupid idea.
Now I'm offended! Surely there's someone else you can go with?
Go with where? Who? What?
Cinderella, here, needs someone to go with to the ball,
or, more accurately, someone to go with her to buy a dress.
-Oh, I'll go.
-A wedding dress?
-Oh, right, yeah. Bad idea.
-Oh, hey, what about Freya?
I wouldn't normally ask, but it's not really the sort of thing you do on your own, is it?
-No, of course not. I am so flattered I can't tell you.
-Yeah! It's right up my street.
-Oh, thank you so much!
I mean, I can hardly cancel it now.
If I don't order something soon,
I'll be going down the aisle in my uniform.
Hey, d'you know, listen, when I was a teenager
I had a scrapbook filled with magazine cuttings,
photos of dresses, churches,
you know, the whole shebang, even the cake,
way before I even met Rob.
So, when you got married to Rob, did it live up to the dream?
Never mind that, this is your big day.
Yeah, well, the sooner I get things finished
the sooner we can get going. I'm so excited!
Rather you than me.
Don't be such a misery.
Because... Oh, Imogen and Jack were meant to get Auntie Ag
a birthday present. Did they?
No. If they don't get something sorted, I will get the blame.
I can't do that and sort a wedding dress in my lunch hour.
What am I going to tell Cherry?
What a sad little life you lead.
How, pray tell me, can there be no trace?
Mr Shilling's second sample was hand delivered.
Well, if that's the best you can do, like Hobson, you give me no choice.
I was wondering if you'd gone through that...
Julia, I've barely had a chance to go to the bathroom
let alone look at your magnificent opus,
well researched, though I'm sure it is.
Besides, I am a doctor not an administrator.
Well, Heston, contrary to what you might think,
I do not run this place single-handedly.
We have to get this right or the patients will suffer.
And, incidentally, last time I checked,
you were a partner.
Well, last time I checked, Daniel and Zara were partners.
-I don't see you hounding them.
Well, you come to me first as a matter of course,
which is blatantly unfair.
You know Daniel and Zara are preoccupied with this baby.
-Did it ever occur to you
that I don't come to you first because it happens to be your job,
but because I have a very good reason?
Because it's easier than asking them.
Because I can usually trust you to give me intelligent feedback,
because usually you are very good
at identifying and analysing potential problems.
So. Could you please just take a look at it
and let me know your thoughts by the end of the week?
-It's an omen.
-Don't be daft.
-I'm not kidding.
It's fate trying to tell me something.
Look, I'm so sorry, I've got to go. I'm so sorry.
Oh, excuse me while I get my feet unstuck
from the bottom of the barrel I'm standing in.
Freya, you're not at the bottom of the barrel.
I asked Karen first because she's a mum and she's a friend...
Not that you're not a friend.
A little bit of advice for you, my love.
When you're stuck in a dirty great big hole, stop digging.
How can I deprive you of my excellent taste in all things haute couture?
-So, what colour are we going for?
Go on, cover for me. I'll owe you one.
-No way. For your information, you owe me plenty.
-Where are you going?
-Esme, are you all right?
-It's a gift, some say.
Not me, no, no, no, no. It's a curse, is what it is.
-What is? Is everything OK?
-You... I've seen what happens in the river.
-Let go of her!
-Hey, it's fine.
-Get off her!
-Are you all right?
-I'm fine. I don't think Esme is.
-Imogen, you are not going after her.
She was babbling about a river. Nut job.
Oi! She's not a nut job. She's had a difficult time.
That's the second time you've done that today. One more and you're dead.
Right, OK. Come on. Pair of you.
Actually, I've got loads of reading to catch up on...
If he's not going, then I'm not.
You are both coming. Now. Come on!
Heston's just told me!
I thought you'd just put on a bit of weight! What am I like?
Oh, congratulations, dear.
-How far gone are you?
-What are you doing?
-Oh, it's such a blessing, you must be thrilled!
Again, what do you think you are doing?
It's sitting high, might be a boy...
If you want to remain attached to that hand
I suggest you remove it immediately.
This is not a blarney stone or a blessing
or whatever old wives' tale you're about to start spouting.
This is a baby.
Why do people want to poke and prod the pregnant like prize possessions?
-Thank you. This is a baby. This is my body.
This is not public property. And I know that you are smirking, Tyler!
So in future I suggest that you keep your fingers to yourself.
-Is that understood?
-Of course, dear. I didn't know that...
-And don't call me "dear".
-She's just feeling a little sensitive.
-What did you say to her?
-Well, I just offered my congratulations.
It didn't go down very well.
-She doesn't believe in them.
She doesn't bel...? I give up.
-How about a broomstick?
-Do not let your dad hear you saying that.
That blue teapot was all right.
A teapot!? We can't get her a teapot, you numpty.
Well, I don't know, do I?
Anything we get is not going to be good enough.
What is she doing? I'm not having this.
Look, I'm going to have to go. I'm sorry.
-You are not!
-Mum, there's something's wrong, I know there is.
You're not falling for this, are you?
-Can I help it if I've got a social conscience?
Go on, then. Be careful!
What are you doing? Well, if she's off...
Oh, don't you dare. Come on, we'll try the knicker stall in the market.
-You can never have enough knickers.
-Don't talk to me about knickers.
Well, this is kind of what I imagined when I was little.
What do you think?
It is traditional.
What do you think, honestly?
Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
I look ridiculous.
No. No, you don't.
But how about thinking more Kate than Cinders?
Look, she's your admittance fee
and it's obvious you're not up for it so stop wasting my time.
-I could ask somebody else.
-I knew you'd wimp out.
-I'm not wimping out.
-Well, it looks that way, mate.
Face it, you just haven't got what it takes.
Have you ever even had a girlfriend?
She's way out of your league.
Girls like that aren't interested in mummy's boys. They want a real man.
Mmm. Like you, you mean?
Yeah, if you like.
Look at you, you never even stood a chance.
Noah! You can't creep up on people like that.
Listen, I'm... I'm sorry, all right?
Noah, what do you want?
-Get off her!
-Get off me!
-Take your hands off her!
What are you doing?
THE GANG LAUGHS
Help her, you idiot!
Oh, God, she's bleeding.
-Call an ambulance! My phone's...
-Where's your phone?
-In my jacket.
Esme, wake up!
MUSIC: "Vogue" By Madonna
# Let your body move to the music
# Hey, hey, hey
# Greta Garbo and Monroe Dietrich and DiMaggio
# Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean On the cover of a magazine
# Grace Kelly, Harlow Jean Picture of a beauty queen
# Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers dance on air
# You've got to let your body Move to the music
# Vogue, vogue, vogue, Vogue, vogue. #
Maybe it doesn't exist. Maybe I am going to get married in my uniform.
What if it's an omen?
Would you stop it with the omens?
-I've tried on every dress there is in the shop.
-I should have started looking sooner.
Princess Kate used a designer. Maybe I should go to a designer.
I think I've found it.
So, let's hear it, then.
Come on, what's your excuse?
Tell me exactly why I shouldn't just go and tell my dad what's kicked off?
Are you're telling me that all of this was for his benefit?
So where is he now?
Oh, so, he's legged it and left you to carry the can.
Great mate he turned out to be(!)
Esme could have died, you moron.
Well, the paramedics said she'll be OK.
That makes it all right, does it?
-What are you trying to impress them for anyway?
If they had a brain cell between them, they'd be dangerous.
What's so important about this stupid party?
Oh, I wasn't doing it for that, Imogen.
Seriously! I... I thought that if I got the invite
then you'd go out with me.
-I know I've never been too good with girls.
And you, well...
You know, you're way out of my league and...
-I just wanted to get your attention.
-Yeah? Well, you did that all right.
-You would not believe the day that I've had.
-I'm not sure.
Oh, yes. I'm getting there.
-How are you after this afternoon's little contretemps?
-She's just hormonal.
-No, she's Zara.
-What's all the papers?
-Julia asked me to give them the once over.
She doesn't expect you to do it in your own time, does she?
I'm sure she's spent her personal time on it too.
Something smells delicious.
Organic, free-range chicken cooked in its own succulent juices
with some locally grown maris pipers creamed to perfection,
with a side order of green beans, lightly buttered.
Chicken and veg.
Why don't you take yourself upstairs,
glass of wine, run yourself a nice, hot bath until dinner's ready, hmm?
-How's your ankle?
Hey, listen. I'm...
I'm really sorry, Imogen. It was a really stupid thing for me to do.
Yeah, well. We all do stupid things sometimes, don't we?
And I suppose you did save her life.
Maybe you're not a total idiot.
Aye, nobody's perfect, eh?
Will you get out of those wet clothes? You're making me feel cold!
That was amazing.
Got it on video, going to put it straight to YouTube. So funny, mate.
You're an idiot, you, mate.
You heard what I said, Tristan.
You stood there videoing it
when that poor woman could have died. What's wrong with you?
Er...all right, mate, keep your hair on.
Look, you're in.
And...what? You think I want any part of you and your pathetic gang?
If you think that, you're more stupid than you look.
And I'm as daft for getting drawn in. I tell you what,
look at this.
Here's what you can do, mate.
You can stick it. All right?
And, hey, once I get changed out of these clothes, do you...
Do you want to come for a pizza?
What, good different?
Well, it's not really what I had in my head.
There is something about it.
Well, come on, then. Let's have a look.
Hey, are you all right in there?
Oh, come... Look, there's plenty more to choose from.
That one was just a suggestion!
You can't look that bad, surely.
I did have a little problem with the author's scepticism in some parts.
Oh, really? Which parts exactly?
I'm having dizzy spells and, er...
This may come as a shock to you,
but I am not merely a sex object for Zara.
It's an image for breast awareness that you, um...
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