It's Only Natural Doctors

MUSIC: "It's Only Natural" by Crowded House

# It's only natural that you should feel the same way too... #

Hiya, pet.

Yeah, I'm here now. I'll see if they can't sort my face out before I meet your mam and dad.

-Don't worry about them. Just make sure you're all right.

-I want to make a good impression.

-Silly! Of course they'll like you. Who wouldn't?!

-You've not said how they took the news.

Well, once they realised we weren't rushing into things, they were over the moon.

-They love the ring.

-I'll see you later then.

-Love you.

-I love you too, my little cupcake.

-Everything OK?

-Yeah, fine. I'm running late.

I think you're really brave for coming back to work so soon.

I know you're one of Cherry's friends but at work, make sure you keep things professional.

-What do you mean?

-She's running late for clinic and you're really not helping.

So, I'm not even allowed to offer some moral support?

It's not the dogsbody's job to manage staff welfare.

Anyway, it was obvious she didn't want to talk to you.

-Hey, I thought you might need a drink.

-Thanks.

I'd better head back. Lauren's on the warpath.

She's been such a cow. Yesterday was a nightmare.

-Really?

-Yeah, I never realized just how devious some people can be.

Well, it's better that you find out now.

Oh... I'm so sorry, after everything that's happened.

And Eva. Still alive.

-Why are blokes such idiots?

-Maybe we're the idiots, because we're taken in by them.

Too right. When I think about Gio...

"Imogen, I will never love again."

Really(!)

I bet right now he's spinning the exact same lines to some other mug.

But Jimmi's not like that. He's serious about you.

He'd never hurt you. Not on purpose.

-I need more than that, Imogen.

-Right.

-So what happens now?

-I don't know.

But I do know that I don't want to see him.

-Bit difficult when you both work in the same place.

-Hmm.

-Can you do me a really big favour?

-Anything you want.

Can you just try and keep him out of my way?

Go on then, let's see what you can do.

Right, well. First, I need your consent to record this examination.

I'm a trainee GP, so all my consultations need to be recorded.

Where's your 'L' plates then?

-Joke.

-So...?

So, I suppose everyone's got to learn.

When did your rash first appear?

I'd just like to say hello to me girlfriend, me mam and dad...

Mr Ashdown, do you want this diagnosis or not?

Yeah, I'm sorry. What it is... I'm stressed and I get a bit giddy...

-Is it the camera?

-No, I'm meeting my future in-laws later today.

Me and me girlfriend... well, my fiancee now, we just got back from Lanzarote last night.

I bought them this.

It's real artisan. It's good, isn't it?

It's unique.

Did your rash start while you were on holiday?

Yes. Look, you've got to help me.

They've flown in especially from Holland.

I can't meet them looking like this.

-Morning.

-Nice to see you back.

-These are for the nurse's room. Imogen, can you show him the way?

-It's fine, I'll take them. Cheers.

-I'll take them.

-It's no problem.

-You don't want to get hot and sweaty.

If Doctor Clay wants to take the boxes, he can. Are you listening? Imogen!

Thanks... What are you doing here?

Cherry, please...

-Jimmi. You need to come back to reception.

-What for?

-Because...

-Immie, it's fine.

-Are you sneaking up on me now?

-You won't answer my calls. What am I supposed to do?

-I'm not answering your calls because I don't want to speak to you.

-Cherry, please.

-I've said everything I've got to say.

-You're angry. I've hurt you but that doesn't mean it has to be it.

-I'm busy.

-I can't deny Eva was important to me once

but I never missed her like I'm missing you...

-You'll have to get used to that.

-Cherry...

This isn't some silly row about what colour cushions we should buy.

You lied to me.

Not just a white lie. It's a big, fat, dirty lie.

And you know I hate that...

-But...

-Please, Jimmi, just respect my wishes and leave me alone.

As you've just come back from a holiday in the sun,

I'm almost sure your rash is PLE.

PLE? What's that when it's at home?

I'm sorry. It's polymorphic light eruption, an allergy to the sun.

However, I'm going to refer you for further tests to make sure

there's no underlying reason for the skin irritation.

-How long before it goes?

-About a week.

-A week?!

-I can't wait that long.

-I'm going to give you a cream that will reduce the inflammation

and some antihistamine tablets that will stop the itching.

But you need to stay out of the sun.

This is your first visit to the surgery for quite a while.

Constitution of an ox, me.

While you're here, we can book you in for a general health check.

-I only came with a rash.

-Monitoring weight, blood pressure,

cholesterol levels can all prevent major health risks.

I'll think about it.

-Johnny J!

-Dazzler! Breakfast?

-I'm not hungry, mate.

I thought holidays were supposed to be good for you.

-What happened? Did you go paintballing?!

-It's a rash.

I hope that's all you got while you were in Spain.

No. I proposed to Sylvie and she said yes. I'm meeting her parents later.

-That's the last time I let you go away without me. Too many sangrias?

-I was perfectly sober.

You hardly know her. Don't worry, mate, we'll think of something.

I don't want to think of something. I want to marry her. She's the one for me.

Are you sure? She's ain't much of a goer.

She's been well brought up, that's all.

Her parents seem very... principled. Sylvie says that's why they moved to Holland.

And liberal. Eh, they could be druggies. They could be religious.

-You'll have to clean your act up.

-I'll do whatever it takes if it makes her happy.

Well, I suppose it's congratulations.

If even you can pull a bird, maybe there's a chance for me!

I'll make sure she picks some fit bridesmaids cos we want you to be our best man.

Aw, mate!

# We are the champions of the world... #

-Mates for life!

-Mates for life!

Everything OK?

I was looking for Daniel.

I haven't seen him. Is there anything I can do?

Do you want to come in?

Do you want to sit down?

Maybe it was too soon to come back to work?

No, I'd rather be here. I've never seen her like this before.

She's so angry. She won't listen. She said she doesn't want to be anywhere near me.

-She's got a lot to deal with.

-That's why we need to talk...

not just shout accusations at each other.

She's letting one misjudgement wreck everything. What about all the months we were happy?

Do you want to tell me what that was?

I'm not a patient.

OK. What do you think you should do?

Oh, no... What a shame...

It's a disaster, no pressie, a face like a boiled beetroot...

-It's all right.

-I want your folks to like me.

If I like you, they will too.

-I never thought I could get this lucky.

-Neither did I.

-We're getting married!

-We're getting married!

Right then, lead me to 'em.

-Um...

-What is it?

There's something I need to tell you. I wanted to before...

Everything's happened so quickly...

Come on, pet, nothing's that bad.

I've only ever had one proper boyfriend before you...

and well... when he found out, he dumped me.

-Is it about kids?

-No... It's nothing like that...

It's my parents. They're a bit unusual.

Don't worry. I'm very open minded. Nothing bothers me.

They can both be women for all I care.

-Bye, girls, I'm going now.

-Afternoon off, lucky you.

-Are you doing anything nice?

-I hope so.

-Dazza?

-I don't believe it.

You're shocked. I'm sorry, I should have told you.

No. Me? Shocked?

Never...

Isn't it dangerous barbequing in just a pinny?

You're sure? You would say?

Yeah. As long as they're not perverts.

No, they think of the human body as a thing of beauty not something to be ashamed of.

I was brought up in a naturist community and once you get used to seeing naked people washing up

or playing tennis, it feels normal.

No one's judged for how they look. Without clothes, we're all equal.

So, you wouldn't be able to tell if someone was the Queen or a bog cleaner. They should make it law!

-Shall we go out and say hello?

-No! Oh, no...

-Is everything OK?

-It's my wallet. I must have left it at the bar. I'd better get it.

-What, now?

-Can't you ring?

-It's got my cards in it and everything.

Are you sure you're not going...?

No...

I think it's marvellous to see people so...

relaxed. It's wonderful.

I knew you'd understand. They want to pay for us to have our wedding on a tropical island.

Somewhere where we can be in total harmony with nature.

-It's fantastic.

-It's what they've always wanted.

All my life, I've hoped I'd meet a man like you.

I'd hate to lose you.

-Sorry...

-Isn't anywhere safe?

-Honestly, I didn't know.

The fact your consulting room is on the other side of that window?

This is lovely. Just what I needed.

Hard morning?

Patients, doctors, all with problems to offload.

But this...

Maybe we should come here more often.

-I can't be out in the sun.

-And who's this letter for?

Work, I need it today.

How did the meeting with the in-laws go?

Didn't they fall for your charms?

-I never gave them the chance.

-What do you mean?

They were in the garden...

stark naked...

I couldn't face it...

And they want us to get married outdoors. In the nude.

-You can always get married indoors.

-Not with no clothes on, I can't.

Are you worried that if you see naked women... you'll...?

-No.

-Be honest.

She thinks I'm all right about it. I could lose her.

This isn't just about the wedding, it's a lifestyle.

-You don't sound as if you know much about each other. Are you sure you want to get married?

-Yes.

I just don't get it. Is it like a fetish or something?

No, it's not really about sex. Some naturists are very spiritual.

-And?

-It does away with social rank, no one is tyrannised by fashion.

-Oh, well that's all right then(!)

-Look, why don't you just give it a go, gradually.

It might not be as bad as you think.

There's no way I'm giving a best man's speech dressed in just a top hat and dickey bow.

Where am I supposed to put my carnation?

When I stand up to toast the bridesmaids... everyone else will be sat down...

Think man, what part of me anatomy will be at eyelevel?!

This is a nightmare.

It's not just the wedding. Naked Christmas, naked christenings.

What happens when someone dies?

-You're going to have to call it off, mate. Look at the state of you.

-No, we're good together.

-I'll do anything to marry her.

-Really?!

-As long as I'm not on my own.

-Oh, no. Forget it.

-Oh, come on. I thought you were me mate!

When am I ever going to get another chance like this?

I really love her.

You're serious?

You owe me, big time.

I've always wanted to go to South America,

cruise down the Amazon, go trekking.

Let's do it.

We could book a holiday, go later this year.

Why just a few weeks? Why not hand in our notice at work, go for as long as we want?

-Don't be silly.

-Why not? This time in a few months, we could be trekking down the Inca trail.

Or watching the sun set over Lake Titicaca.

It would be lovely to be somewhere else, where we wouldn't have to worry what anyone thinks.

That bothers you, does it? Other people's opinions?

Why did you call me, Elaine? After you found out?

Isn't it obvious?

You're irresistible. I couldn't control myself.

-SHE LAUGHS Yeah, thanks...

-I'm sorry. You both look great.

-How come you're all dressed up?

-It is my engagement party.

Only after what you said about your mam and dad, we thought...

-..There was no dress code.

-I didn't expect you to fit in straight away...

We wanted to give it a go.

It's a good thing. Not to be tyrannised by fashion.

Well, I'm really touched you've made such an effort.

My parents will be, too. Come and meet them.

Daz!

Seriously, though, why did you contact me again?

I was hoping it was because you felt we had something worth holding on to.

I do. And I want to spend the day relaxing, getting to know each other.

Isn't part of getting to know each other, being honest?

Can't we just enjoy these lovely gardens?

But this is not the first affair you've had.

So you're checking up on me, making sure I'm not some excitement junkie getting kicks

-from stealing other people's husbands?

-No, of course not. My marriage is over.

I'm serious about you. I need to know that you feel the same.

OK, yes, I had an affair. One.

-It lasted longer than a lot of marriages.

-What happened?

He convinced me that when his son was old enough he'd leave his wife but...you know the story...

-Does he ever contact you?

-I thought this was meant to be our day off?

-I'm sorry.

-It's too late.

-Forget I ever said anything. Let's start again.

-It's too late.

-I think you've hyperventilated. And you've been drinking?

-Yes.

-Eaten anything?

-Too nervous.

Your blood pressure is a bit low.

If you calm down and cool off, you'll be OK.

-Excuse me.

-Thanks Doctor, that's a relief.

I do want you to think about what I said about the health check.

-We can monitor your weight and lifestyle.

-When we're married it'll be easier.

-I'm used to cooking healthily. It's part of the naturist philosophy. Meat and two veg.

-It's no good!

-I can't, I just can't.

-What? Eat vegetables?

-No.

-I can't go through with the wedding.

-I don't understand.

-I can't change my way of life.

I've tried really hard to be the perfect fiance for you and your folks

-but I just can't go through with it.

-What's wrong?

I can't make you happy.

Dazza!

I think it all got a bit too much for him.

I should have realised. He got carried away on holiday

-and now the reality of my boring life's hit him.

-It's not that.

-He doesn't think you're boring.

-Then why's he run off?

Because you want a naturist wedding.

-And he can't stand the idea of getting married in the buff.

-I never said that...

Well, at least I don't think I did.

You've obviously got crossed wires.

Which doesn't surprise me. The pair of you don't communicate.

What? He finds out today your family entertain in the altogether.

-I didn't know how to tell him.

-Well, if you're not sure about him...

-I am sure about him!

He makes me feel like somebody. For the first time I feel special.

That's brilliant...

but you can't rely on somebody else to make yourself feel good.

-What do you mean?

-Believe in yourself. Dazza's lucky to have you.

It's all right for you to dole out advice, you're a somebody.

You might have fancy initials after your name but it doesn't mean you know better than everyone else.

You want to be careful or you might find you end up on your own.

And though you might not think Dazza's much of a catch, I do.

Well, at least you're speaking up for yourself.

I've always wanted to learn to sing.

Right... Why don't you do that...

and think about planning your own wedding?

Thanks, Doc.

I haven't had an ice cream like that since I was a kid.

-Let's pretend we're kids again. No worries, no thoughts about the future. No baggage?

-Deal!

BIRDS CHIRP

-Chatty lot, aren't they?

-Some people talk too much.

-Right!

-No, no!

Still here?

Come on, go and get it sorted.

What's the point? I can't give her what she wants.

She's lovely. I mean, look at me.

"Big, fat prat." That's what they called me at school.

For some reason, she thinks you're a real catch.

-Do you really think so?

-I just got short shrift for even doubting it.

-Sylvie?

-Yes, you want to watch her.

No. I can't get my kit off in front of strangers.

Did she actually say that she wanted a naturist wedding?

Maybe you should start listening to people.

You never know. What they've got to say, might be important.

If I come and get weighed, are you going to join me on them scales?

-Lauren's gone home, at last. Are you OK?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-I'm sorry I did such a rubbish job of keeping Jimmi away.

-Don't worry about it.

It was a really stupid thing to ask you to do.

-Do you want to go for a drink, get away from here?

-I'm all right, Imogen. I want some time to think.

I need to say something first. I've told my mum and dad we're going to arrange our own wedding.

I've let you down. I've let you think I'm this joker, who's up for anything.

It's a big lie...

Ever since I was a little lad, I was bullied...

I was bullied.

"Hey, let's see if we can't make the fat boy bounce."

So I started acting the clown...

-At least then I was getting mocked for being stupid not for the size of me belly.

-Kids can be cruel.

When I was at school, a gang of lads stripped me off and put me under a cold shower.

That's why I panicked.

I couldn't face the thought of hearing people laughing at me like that again.

I used to get teased about my weirdo parents.

I could never bring anyone home.

You may be a big man but I know you've got a big heart and that's why I love you.

I'll see Doctor Wilson and get me health checked.

-She'll tell me to lose some weight.

-You don't need to change for me.

Come inside, meet my parents.

Just try not to faint this time(!)

I wanted to go home with him tonight and cook dinner,

watching a cheesy film on the TV with my feet in his lap,

a nice glass of wine.

I wanted to be Nurse Clay and have Jimmi's children,

and move to a house with a big garden

with swings and a slide and a paddling pool in the summer.

It's all gone...

It's never going to happen.

So, it's definitely over?

I can never forgive him.

Maybe you were never meant to be together?

We were meant to be together.

We were really good together.

We'd have been really good parents.

Now, every time I look at him...

It just reminds me what I can't have...

and I can't stand it, I hate it... I can't do it...

He looks so sad.

I don't know if I can be strong enough

because I just want to put my arms round him...

If I do, I know I'll never be able to let him go...

I love him so much.

I need to leave the Mill.

I saw a doctor once.

He didn't see me though.

I was hiding.

-I was correcting a Grocer's Apostrophe.

-A what?

A misplaced apostrophe on a shop sign.

When, for instance, was your last argument?

-About ten minutes ago.

-We argue all the time.

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